Bus weirdo! Should I have moved?

[Baternburg]

Was on the bus home from town with my DS, almost 1 year. We’d gone in to buy supplies for his birthday cake. On the bus there is a space for wheelchairs/buggies so I put the buggy there as usual and sat down on the little fold down seat next to it, and started to give baby a bottle as he was getting hungry.
I get a tap on the shoulder and turn round to see a man, no mask on, smelling of booze, telling me I can’t sit there as I’m sitting too close to him. Now, there were perhaps 6 other people on the bus and it was a double decker, so plenty of space where he could have moved. I said to him ‘no, I’m feeding my baby’ and turned around back to face pram. Get another tap and turned round, said ‘can you stop touching me’ and turned back around. Man then says again I need to move, 2 metres distance etc. Again without a mask on. I say ‘I’m not moving at the moment as I’m feeding my baby’. He then attempts to fold up my chair WHILE I’m sitting on it. I said again ‘don’t touch me’ and turned away again because I could see him getting agitated and I didn’t want a scene or want things to escalate, even though I wanted to call him a miserable bastard. He then says he’s going to tell the driver, and gets up and over to the driver. Old lady across from us has a go at him as well. The driver tells me there is another seat on the other side of the buggy so I can turn the buggy around. I didn’t realise this seat was there as it’s also a fold up one and it’s kind of folded into a wheelchair pad thing so looks like it’s just part of that. So I do go and sit there l, again I’m not wanting to make a scene or stoop to the weirdo’s level. As I’m leaving the bus the bus driver thanks me for moving and apologises, says if someone spoke to his wife like that he’d give them a swift punch.

So my question is should I have moved in this situation and was I being unreasonable for sitting closer to the man in order that I could sit next to the buggy to give baby a bottle?

@Baternburg
You haven’t answered my question.
Would a mother of twins with one year olds be more untitled to the space?

@Temp123999
I’d always make a space, squeeze buggy up or fold up if another person with a pram got on. I’ve sometimes got off the bus a couple of stops early to make room for another pram coming on. I’m not an inconsiderate or entitled person

Why bother asking if you were being unreasonable when you've made your mind up?

You were being unreasonable but you only want to hear from people who agree with you. Maybe ask your mum and your best friend next time.

I’ve literally never seen someone taking their baby out the buggy on the bus

Happens everyday in London.

Also assuming he’s a drunk - some of the actions you describe sounds like a stroke or a mental health issue.
I’m also surprised you’d feed a baby on the bus, it’s not overly clean and also going over bumps.

I’m also surprised you’d feed a baby on the bus, it’s not overly clean and also going over bumps.

The good news is you can just explain this to a hungry baby and they’ll go ‘oh right you are mum, I’ll just hold on til we get home then.’

It sounds like you expected him to move because you have a baby and a pram. It’s that entitled attitude that gives mothers on public transport a bad name. I’ve just had my third baby and this sort of thing drives me mad.

You got on the bus and this man was already there. He had no reason to move. You created the scene.

@MorganKitten sorry but that's the most ludacrious thing I've heard today.. When a baby's hungry, they are hungry.
Was she supposed to starve him until got home..think you may need to get real a bit, I've breastfed in public toilets, London underground, taxis, restaurants, if my baby is hungry I'm not going to starve her!

You got on the bus and this man was already there. He had no reason to move. You created the scene.

How? How did she create the scene when she didn’t interact with this man until he started telling her to move? How are you possibly interpreting this as a scene of OP’s creation?

@Sanitisethat

You got on the bus and this man was already there. He had no reason to move. You created the scene.

How? How did she create the scene when she didn’t interact with this man until he started telling her to move? How are you possibly interpreting this as a scene of OP’s creation?

I’m failing to understand why the man who was already there is expected to move; it doesn’t make sense to me if the OP was in the right why the bus driver stuck up for the man originally there rather than the OP.

For me, it feels like something is missing from the story.

Maybe living in London has taught me you can’t always sit next to your pram on the bus 🤷🏼‍♀️ Especially in the current climate.

Why does MN hate mums? Why is the OP told she's rude and entitled for defending her boundaries to some random repeatedly touching her? Why is she being berated for having her pram and baby in the buggy and wheelchair space?

Why is the drunk man's right to be in his seat stronger because he was there first? In MN doctrine a parent with a buggy on the bus first would be required to give up their space to a wheelchair user.

I’m failing to understand why the man who was already there is expected to move; it doesn’t make sense to me if the OP was in the right why the bus driver stuck up for the man originally there rather than the OP.

But he wasn’t expected to move - you understand that right? OP sat in a seat nearby, and fed her baby. He decided he wasn’t comfortable with her sitting that close to him (something he could probably have anticipated when he sat beside the wheelchair / buggy spaces instead or further back) and instead of just doing the normal, sensible, decent thing and moving back himself, he started ordering OP around, prodding her and trying to mess around with her seat. OP didn’t ask him to move to accommodate her; she simply responded to HIM asking HER to move by suggesting that if he had an issue, he could be the one to move rather than expecting her to do so with a baby and a buggy.

For me, it feels like something is missing from the story

I’m having the opposite feeling - half the PPs seem to have imagined the OP marching up to this man and demanding that he move to accommodate her. I don’t know if it’s a reading comprehension issue or people just wanting to pile on but it’s weird.

Maybe living in London has taught me you can’t always sit next to your pram on the bus 🤷🏼‍♀️ Especially in the current climate.

You should move to Scotland up here we wouldn’t dream of expecting a mother to pack up her buggy and move her baby into another seat to accommodate an aggressive bloke throwing his weight around and demanding that she move to suit him.

@MorganKitten

I’ve literally never seen someone taking their baby out the buggy on the bus

Happens everyday in London.

Also assuming he’s a drunk - some of the actions you describe sounds like a stroke or a mental health issue.
I’m also surprised you’d feed a baby on the bus, it’s not overly clean and also going over bumps.

She was feeding her baby from a bottle, not the bloody floor!!

Presumably these PPs who think OPIBU would have expected her to peer through the window to see if someone was sitting anywhere near the seat she'd need and then wait for the next bus if they were

The guy could easily have moved if he wasn't happy with her proximity to him. OP was limited to only two or three seats because of her buggy. CDM could've gone anywhere. Instead of behaving like a sensible non-twat, he chose to harass her, including actually touching her. I'm aghast that OP is apparently the unreasonable one here.

I have lots of experiences of buses @Baternburg

The accessible spaces are usually positioned near the doors and also include priority seating, some are fixed seating others flip down.

You invaded the space of someone already sitting in the priority seating. You created the situation when you clearly saw he didn't wear a mask. This also implies that he has some "vulnerability"

You could have planned better for your trip and used something like a backpack to put your shopping in. Had the space been used for it's intended reasons - wheelchair - then what would you have done? Or if the bus already had a buggy user on?

Presumably these PPs who think OPIBU would have expected her to peer through the window to see if someone was sitting anywhere near the seat she'd need and then wait for the next bus if they were

She could always say "sorry, I need to sit here with the pram. Do you mind moving or are you ok with being closed". Tada! Polite and (I thought) normal and logical thing to do.
He was a dick for touching her, that's absolutely a nono, and she should not have just sit down that close to someone without a word. Both were being unreasonable.

Maybe living in London has taught me you can’t always sit next to your pram on the bus 🤷🏼‍♀️ Especially in the current climate.

Same, although it's not just a London thing. Used to be a rarity to travel a full bus journey without having to fold up and move.

When I travel abroad I avoid the tourist areas, and a lot of local bus services don't have any accessibility. But then same with some remote parts of the UK.

But then I remember when buses in the UK weren't accessible either. Pushchairs are only allowed on as a courtesy as it's hard for drivers to distinguish with regular and SN pushchairs. Shame there wasn't a blue badge public transport scheme introduced.

@MrsPotatoHeadsSheeWee who decided the man was drunk.... you?

He smelt of drink, maybe shock horror he had a pint with a friend at lunchtime?

The OP was told how to sort the situation out by the bus driver, maybe if she has not been so unobservant about the other seat, she wouldn't have had to call someone a weirdo or referred to someone else as an "old lady", which was irrelevant.

Perhaps the "drunk man" is on dads at taking about the stupid mother who could've easily sat on the other side and not broken SD guidelines.

[quote Baternburg]@Temp123999
I’d always make a space, squeeze buggy up or fold up if another person with a pram got on. I’ve sometimes got off the bus a couple of stops early to make room for another pram coming on. I’m not an inconsiderate or entitled person[/quote]
Clearly you don't always do this.
You weren't considerate enough to ask the passenger if he minded you invading his space.
Because you were feeding your child you felt your entitlement outweighed his and only moved because the bus driver told you to.

@Sanitisethat

I’m failing to understand why the man who was already there is expected to move; it doesn’t make sense to me if the OP was in the right why the bus driver stuck up for the man originally there rather than the OP.

But he wasn’t expected to move - you understand that right? OP sat in a seat nearby, and fed her baby. He decided he wasn’t comfortable with her sitting that close to him (something he could probably have anticipated when he sat beside the wheelchair / buggy spaces instead or further back) and instead of just doing the normal, sensible, decent thing and moving back himself, he started ordering OP around, prodding her and trying to mess around with her seat. OP didn’t ask him to move to accommodate her; she simply responded to HIM asking HER to move by suggesting that if he had an issue, he could be the one to move rather than expecting her to do so with a baby and a buggy.

For me, it feels like something is missing from the story

I’m having the opposite feeling - half the PPs seem to have imagined the OP marching up to this man and demanding that he move to accommodate her. I don’t know if it’s a reading comprehension issue or people just wanting to pile on but it’s weird.

Maybe living in London has taught me you can’t always sit next to your pram on the bus 🤷🏼‍♀️ Especially in the current climate.

You should move to Scotland up here we wouldn’t dream of expecting a mother to pack up her buggy and move her baby into another seat to accommodate an aggressive bloke throwing his weight around and demanding that she move to suit him.

I can comprehend what the OP is saying perfectly but for me it feels as though there are holes - she said she hates confrontation and is quiet but she was able to assert herself to say no repeatedly to him and the bus driver thing doesn’t add up for me.

Looking at it from the mans perspective I feel he would have been of the impression that he was there first and not OP especially if he were not of sound mind.

I didn’t say people on London transport were nice Though it sounds lovely in Scotland.

Someone doesn't smell of booze (OP was in a mask and says she was away from the man) after one lunchtime pint with a friend. His behaviour doesn't really suggest he was sober.

Women don't have to put up with the unwelcome advances of a drunk man, anywhere. Don't minimise this.

Someone doesn't smell of booze (OP was in a mask and says she was away from the man) after one lunchtime pint with a friend. His behaviour doesn't really suggest he was sober.

Absolute bullshit! You weren't there, OP states he smelt of booze ! He wasn't making "advances" he was asking her to get out of his personal space because he wasn't wearing a mask. She shouldn't have made an advance on him and should've respected his personal space.

Stop making your misandry think that a woman can never be wrong.

He was there first, she didn't ask him to move, she just decided that his personal space didn't matter.

@MrsPotatoHeadsSheeWee and yes she was away from the man, but not two meters away so yes drink on his breath she would've smelt.

@KitMarlowesCodpieceOfthigh

Presumably these PPs who think OPIBU would have expected her to peer through the window to see if someone was sitting anywhere near the seat she'd need and then wait for the next bus if they were

The guy could easily have moved if he wasn't happy with her proximity to him. OP was limited to only two or three seats because of her buggy. CDM could've gone anywhere. Instead of behaving like a sensible non-twat, he chose to harass her, including actually touching her. I'm aghast that OP is apparently the unreasonable one here.

The op could have taken the child and used one of the other free seats. She decided that folding wasn't an option. The bus driver was aware of her and the situation and would have taken measures to do this including slowing down a bit or even alerting her to an impending bump. Have witnessed bus drivers doing things like this thousands of times over a couple of decades.

The man touching her could have been a way to get her attention. Not all vulnerable people act according to societal norms. He may have been panicking because as the op mentioned more than once, he wasn't wearing a mask and knew he was putting them both at risk.

The backrest that convert to seats usually have a notice alerting passengers to this near the seat. Had it been for a carer of someone with a wheelchair, the op could have moved elsewhere/got off,

If the man was drunk and causing a disturbance, the driver was within his rights to tell him to get off the bus. It's something they do and won't move the bus until you get off.

If the driver thought that he would get aggressive he could have called for police back up to get him removed.

If the driver thought that the man should have moved he would have suggested this or for him to get off the bus.

I am also surprised at the comment from the bus driver that if the guy had spoken to his wife he would have punched him.

Over reaction imo for being asked to move, could understand it if the other passenger was verbally abusing her.
I am also surprised that the bus driver would have issue with this, but not the poking or trying to upend her seat. This also shows how close she decided to sit to him.