Bus weirdo! Should I have moved?

[Baternburg]

Was on the bus home from town with my DS, almost 1 year. We’d gone in to buy supplies for his birthday cake. On the bus there is a space for wheelchairs/buggies so I put the buggy there as usual and sat down on the little fold down seat next to it, and started to give baby a bottle as he was getting hungry.
I get a tap on the shoulder and turn round to see a man, no mask on, smelling of booze, telling me I can’t sit there as I’m sitting too close to him. Now, there were perhaps 6 other people on the bus and it was a double decker, so plenty of space where he could have moved. I said to him ‘no, I’m feeding my baby’ and turned around back to face pram. Get another tap and turned round, said ‘can you stop touching me’ and turned back around. Man then says again I need to move, 2 metres distance etc. Again without a mask on. I say ‘I’m not moving at the moment as I’m feeding my baby’. He then attempts to fold up my chair WHILE I’m sitting on it. I said again ‘don’t touch me’ and turned away again because I could see him getting agitated and I didn’t want a scene or want things to escalate, even though I wanted to call him a miserable bastard. He then says he’s going to tell the driver, and gets up and over to the driver. Old lady across from us has a go at him as well. The driver tells me there is another seat on the other side of the buggy so I can turn the buggy around. I didn’t realise this seat was there as it’s also a fold up one and it’s kind of folded into a wheelchair pad thing so looks like it’s just part of that. So I do go and sit there l, again I’m not wanting to make a scene or stoop to the weirdo’s level. As I’m leaving the bus the bus driver thanks me for moving and apologises, says if someone spoke to his wife like that he’d give them a swift punch.

So my question is should I have moved in this situation and was I being unreasonable for sitting closer to the man in order that I could sit next to the buggy to give baby a bottle?

YANBU, OP. Some of these answers are absolutely bonkers. You did nothing wrong. You put your buggy in the buggy space and sat next to it, like you’re supposed to (some buses in my area have signs specifically telling passengers with buggies to stay next to them). The man sounds very odd indeed.

Having a baby doesn't entitle you to inconvenience everyone else, and I say that as someone who has had 5.

You appear to have had other options to ne close to your baby and not within 2m of the person who was already there.

Whether he was intoxicated or not again doesnr give ypu any entitlement to dismiss him.

I've never seen a parent get on the bus with a buggy, then wander off down the bus to a separate seat! They've always sat right next to the child on the pull down seats.

There also isn't enough room to take the child out and faff around whilst on a moving bus either in order to both move to a different seat away from the buggy.

I obviously wasn't there so don't know how rude you or he were being, but you did the right thing by just moving and leaving him in the seat he wanted.

Yeah some posters are being ridiculous. There seem to be a few usernames that can be relied upon to say something astonishingly sanctimonious and pointlessly negative to whoever happens to be the OP.

@User3627290

why is it that as soon as some people become mothers, they think it comes with some sort of entitlement . You were in the wrong completely !

How though? Genuinely would love to see your reasoning because I’m baffled that anyone thinks a mother feeding a young baby should be forced out of the buggy space to accommodate the wishes of a nearby man demanding that she move. How is it possible to interpret OP as the entitled one in this scenario...?

because he was there first....

Oh gosh. I’m glad I’m getting some more understanding responses now. I was starting to worry I had just been a stone cold bitch on the bus. I’ll think twice before posting something on here again. Yes I do believe it says on the bus that these spaces are reserved for wheelchair/buggy users so should be given to them if they need it. And yes he clearly didn’t have mobility issues based on his actions, he was just a weirdo (lighthearted but there are a lot of wierd people where I live). Hmm this is a strange site.

It sounds like a horrible experience but I’m sorry, I have to agree. If you were my daughter with her baby, I would advise her that as he was there first she really ought to have sat somewhere else to begin with.

These are frightening times and fear is making a lot of people more aggressive than they would normally be.
The fact that he wasn’t wearing a mask would suggest to me that he was vulnerable and you do need to take that into account going forward.

He sounds like an arsehole to me op. Clearly not THAT bothered about social distancing as he was moving towards you,touching you and trying to manhandle you out of your seat. I wonder if he'd have treated a man in the same way.

You did nothing wrong in my opinion. Yeah ok maybe you could have asked if he minded if you sat there and explained why, but in reality you probably clocked him as a potential weirdo and thought better of it.

Despite the weird disconnect that mumsnet seems to have with reality sometimes...You, your baby and your buggy are allowed to exist, to use a bus and to use a space for that intended purpose (minus any wheelchair users needing the space of course... before anyone gets their tits in a twist about that).

because he was there first....
🤣🤣🤣

@SerendipityJane

The problem with many buses is that the buggy spaces get cluttered with wheelchairs.

Damn those disabled people on public transport eh?

@Rosebel

If he was that worried or vulnerable he wouldn't have kept touching you and he certainly wouldn't have tried to remove you from your seat. He was being an ass hole. As the bus driver and another passenger stuck up for you seems likely he was the unreasonable one. However on MN we must remember that mum's with pushchairs especially on busses are always in the wrong.

Tbf, most people posting on MN about buggies on buses are BU. The OP might be one of the rare few, I don’t think is.

YABU

@Baternburg usually people are less weird on here, there are always the ones who take every thread as an opportunity to have a go at the OP but normally sanity generally prevails. I think you've been unlucky.

He was obvs deliberately aggressive and looking for a fight, any normal person on a near-empty bus wouldn't harass a mother with a baby and buggy for using the seats allocated to her situation and would simply move somewhere more suitable.

because he was there first

Oh come off it. Does that logic also apply when a buggy is in the wheelchair space and a wheelchair user then gets on after?

Of course it doesn't, because public transport etiquette is not entirely based on bagsies

@RafaIsTheKingOfClay I actually had a wee search there and some are pretty funny. Lots of too old children in buggies. One lady with a doll in a buggy taking up space on the bus. I hope I don’t come across on the same level as these people

@Baternburg

Yes he was there first but he could have easily moved to another seat and let me sit next to baby in buggy, rather than take baby out and carry him and bags to another seat where I potentially could have fallen over. It seems the same as someone giving their seat up to someone less able to stand than them in my view, common courtesy?

Wow you’re very entitled. You could have easily sat the other side of the buggy in the other seat you described. I can’t believe you think he was at fault. He was sat on the bus minding his own business, you get on with your buggy, sit too close to him then expect him to move!!

@EncroachingLoaf
Exactly. When I'm sat in a seat reserved for older/infirm people or pregnant women and one gets on I give it up to them politely, I don't just tell them to fuck off because I was here first.
Are some people on here 12 years old?

@JenniferSantoro
Lol. Firstly, did you not see where I said I didn’t know there was a seat there? Obviously I would have sat there if I knew there was a seat.
Secondly, I don’t class bending over to repeatedly tap me and then pushing my chair as ‘minding his own business’.

In London you aren't allowed to leave your pram unattended on a bus.

Yep, YABVU and were very rude. He was there first so the onus was on you to choose an appropriate seat.

Plus he cant have been that vulnerable if hes drinking and stank of alcohol putting him at risk if falling over!

@MrsBrunch

It's not common courtesy to expect another person to move to accommodate you, it's entitlement.

This

No, you were sitting in the correct place. Buggies and wheelchairs are supposed to have their backs against the pad thing so they are facing backwards and they have the wall on one side and the pole on the other. Where I used to live bus drivers would insist on this.

It’s a bit rich that the bus driver would have defended his own wife, but made you move.

@Baternburg

Yes he was there first but he could have easily moved to another seat and let me sit next to baby in buggy, rather than take baby out and carry him and bags to another seat where I potentially could have fallen over. It seems the same as someone giving their seat up to someone less able to stand than them in my view, common courtesy?

Of course. But on Mumsnet you shouldn't take your baby anywhere that involves you being in contact with other people, and no one should ever, ever expect other people to give you other concessions as a result of having a baby with you.

In the real world, of course, most people would move to allow a mother and baby to have what is generally accepted (assuming no one in a wheelchair is on the bus) as a pushchair space.