Bus weirdo! Should I have moved?

[Baternburg]

Was on the bus home from town with my DS, almost 1 year. We’d gone in to buy supplies for his birthday cake. On the bus there is a space for wheelchairs/buggies so I put the buggy there as usual and sat down on the little fold down seat next to it, and started to give baby a bottle as he was getting hungry.
I get a tap on the shoulder and turn round to see a man, no mask on, smelling of booze, telling me I can’t sit there as I’m sitting too close to him. Now, there were perhaps 6 other people on the bus and it was a double decker, so plenty of space where he could have moved. I said to him ‘no, I’m feeding my baby’ and turned around back to face pram. Get another tap and turned round, said ‘can you stop touching me’ and turned back around. Man then says again I need to move, 2 metres distance etc. Again without a mask on. I say ‘I’m not moving at the moment as I’m feeding my baby’. He then attempts to fold up my chair WHILE I’m sitting on it. I said again ‘don’t touch me’ and turned away again because I could see him getting agitated and I didn’t want a scene or want things to escalate, even though I wanted to call him a miserable bastard. He then says he’s going to tell the driver, and gets up and over to the driver. Old lady across from us has a go at him as well. The driver tells me there is another seat on the other side of the buggy so I can turn the buggy around. I didn’t realise this seat was there as it’s also a fold up one and it’s kind of folded into a wheelchair pad thing so looks like it’s just part of that. So I do go and sit there l, again I’m not wanting to make a scene or stoop to the weirdo’s level. As I’m leaving the bus the bus driver thanks me for moving and apologises, says if someone spoke to his wife like that he’d give them a swift punch.

So my question is should I have moved in this situation and was I being unreasonable for sitting closer to the man in order that I could sit next to the buggy to give baby a bottle?

You are also not allowed to accuse anyone of being under the influence of ANYTHING, even although when you see people out their nut on a regular basis, you start to recognise the signs. Some people on here can't comprehend what thats like though.

@DioneTheDiabolist

Are people reading the posts ? Probably not. Some posters just see the words bus and buggy and automatically think the OP is U. Even putting a buggy into a buggy space is unreasonable here now.

Exactly this! The excitement some posters must get on a thread that mentions buggy and bus to be the most sanctimonious and sneery is palpable!

It's not common courtesy to expect another person to move to accommodate you, it's entitlement.

And yet the only person behaving in this way was Rude Weirdo. Entitlement is right. And I also doubt very much he would have taken the same attitude towards a man.

In fact, both men who appear in this story sicken me. Rude Weirdo had absolutely no right to touch OP. Zero. None. Even if he'd been right in the first instance (he wasn't) he still shouldn't have touched her, and at the very least should have desisted when asked to stop. Instead he continued and tried to fold her seat (very concerned with social distancing he must be).

As for the unprofessional bus driver, very good of him to talk big about Rude Weirdo when he no longer posed a threat, but no sign of him piping up in protestation at the first moment he objected to his behaviour.

Pathetic cowards, both of them.

OP, glad you stood your ground, and am genuinely surprised by the 'women must be polite, put up, shut up, and move to one side when required to by a man'. This thread is a study in internalised misogyny to the nth degree (and yes, it is; just look at the only person you're expecting should have behaved 'politely').

No. Just no.

@User3627290 I think you’re actually allowed to use a bus as long as you buy everyone else on it flowers or a spa voucher to make up for the enormous inconvenience of daring to be in the presence of other bus users with a buggy

(I accidentally addressed that comment to myself not @Baternburg, whoops!)

Do not get these replies. YANBU

Makes perfect sense for you to sit next to the buggy - that's normal.

You didn't know there was another fold down seat on the other side, when you did find out,you moved.

He had no right to touch you or try to fold the seat up whilst you are sitting on it.

He could have moved to another seat.

If the bus has a spacial rules these need to be clearly labelled.

YWBothBU.

If there was plenty of space on the bus he was inconsiderate to sit right by the buggy/wheelchair space. But since he was there, when you came on you should have politely asked him if he would move. Possibly at that point someone would have pointed the other seat out to you anyway, but if not and if he refused you would then have been able to decide whether to tell him you would be sitting there anyway, despite the risk to yourself, the baby and him, or to go to another seat.

I think he was an ass for how he handled it, but you were impolite to him first.

why is it that as soon as some people become mothers, they think it comes with some sort of entitlement . You were in the wrong completely !

How though? Genuinely would love to see your reasoning because I’m baffled that anyone thinks a mother feeding a young baby should be forced out of the buggy space to accommodate the wishes of a nearby man demanding that she move. How is it possible to interpret OP as the entitled one in this scenario...?

Those seats are priority for people with prams and the elderly/disabled. If he was none of those things he should have got up and moved, regardless of whether he was there first or not. I suppose there's a chance he might have needed those seats as well, but from the description you've given it seems unlikely.
If he was so bothered about social distancing what was he doing leaning closer to you and touching you?

He was a knob but tbh he was sat there first.......I also think there's a time and a place to be standing your ground. And when you have a child in your care, sat on a vehicle with a man who's drunk and could be unpredictable in other ways really isn't it.

There's a lot to be said for just nipping issues in the bud and moving away from them.

You were both ridiculous.

He for touching you and you for just plopping yourself close to him without a word when there a actually was another seat. Observe your surroundings

Yanbu

God you get this on Mumsnet - the weird idea that a mother wanting to sit in the seats specifically designed to accomodate mothers with children, are somehow being entitled.

Its' bloody nonsense. If you sit next to the mother and baby seat - don't be surprised if a mother or baby comes to sit in it.

OP, glad you stood your ground, and am genuinely surprised by the 'women must be polite, put up, shut up, and move to one side when required to by a man'. This thread is a study in internalised misogyny to the nth degree

Yup, though to be honest its part of a theme that appears on mumsnet of parents (lets face it mothers) and their children not being expected to take up space in society but should instead behave like childless adults (both parent and children) at all times otherwise they are being entitled and unreasonable. Yup, that is internalised misogyny, now you point it out, as it so disproportionately affects women.

Sorry op yes you are being unreasonable. He was already on the bus and you sat close to him. I understand the frustration with the buggy, I really do and he does sound like a bit of a knob. He could have moved but then driver said there was another area for you.. social distancing is really important.

You got in his space when other options were available. Also for yours & the baby's safety,bear in mind how quickly a drunk or someone with MH issues can turn & snap ,even with no provocation .I'd have moved asap. A guy at the bus stop suddenly turned & clouted a little old lady last time I was at the hairdressers. It took my elderly male hairdresser & a young guy passing to stop him from carryng on. (He was dishevelled, smelt to high heaven & hallucinating).

He could have easily moved himself, easier than you moving once you had started feeding, but yes, you were right to move to avoid more trouble.

why is it that as soon as some people become mothers, they think it comes with some sort of entitlement

Yes, you are entitled to use designated mother and baby spaces once you become a mother with a baby.

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo

He was a knob but tbh he was sat there first.......I also think there's a time and a place to be standing your ground. And when you have a child in your care, sat on a vehicle with a man who's drunk and could be unpredictable in other ways really isn't it.

There's a lot to be said for just nipping issues in the bud and moving away from them.

The trouble with this approach in this instance is that to do that the OP would have had to make her baby more vulnerable by taking them out of the buggy. And, particularly with drunk or belligerent people, moving on does not necessarily appease them. They fairly frequently continue their poor behaviour after you’ve moved away. If the aim is to protect the baby, having become the focus of the man’s attention, it’s not clear that the OP could have done better than she did.

Some of these answers are just silly. YANBU.
The wheelchair area is also for buggies if no wheelchairs are about, and some consideration should be given to parents with babies in buggies as getting a baby out and walking with them across a moving bus is a pain in the balls and potentially hazardous once the vehicle starts moving. The man was aggressive without good reason and could easily have moved - it would be common courtesy to do so. This idea he had "first dibs" on the seat is ridiculous because OP had a buggy and therefore greater need to sit in that area. Bystanders clearly recognised that he was in the wrong, odd that MN doesn't seem to.

If he was that worried or vulnerable he wouldn't have kept touching you and he certainly wouldn't have tried to remove you from your seat. He was being an ass hole.
As the bus driver and another passenger stuck up for you seems likely he was the unreasonable one.
However on MN we must remember that mum's with pushchairs especially on busses are always in the wrong.

Why are people not reading the post? Op was not sitting anywhere she shouldn't, the man came in to HER space, berated her and touched her!

Oh, good things sensibly moved on since I started my post and got distracted by dc!

@TitianaTitsling

Why are people not reading the post? Op was not sitting anywhere she shouldn't, the man came in to HER space, berated her and touched her!

Well, his point was that everyone should space out. He was there first, she sat nearer than the two meter distance to him when she could have sat where she moved eventually to start with. Not saying it's her fault as she didn't notice him or the other seat to start with.

But Staffy you can sit on the seats like that (one empty apart) on the buses now can't you? People should be masked and the seats aren't roped off anymore?