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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bus weirdo! Should I have moved?

353 replies

Baternburg · 12/09/2020 17:48

Was on the bus home from town with my DS, almost 1 year. We’d gone in to buy supplies for his birthday cake. On the bus there is a space for wheelchairs/buggies so I put the buggy there as usual and sat down on the little fold down seat next to it, and started to give baby a bottle as he was getting hungry.
I get a tap on the shoulder and turn round to see a man, no mask on, smelling of booze, telling me I can’t sit there as I’m sitting too close to him. Now, there were perhaps 6 other people on the bus and it was a double decker, so plenty of space where he could have moved. I said to him ‘no, I’m feeding my baby’ and turned around back to face pram. Get another tap and turned round, said ‘can you stop touching me’ and turned back around. Man then says again I need to move, 2 metres distance etc. Again without a mask on. I say ‘I’m not moving at the moment as I’m feeding my baby’. He then attempts to fold up my chair WHILE I’m sitting on it. I said again ‘don’t touch me’ and turned away again because I could see him getting agitated and I didn’t want a scene or want things to escalate, even though I wanted to call him a miserable bastard. He then says he’s going to tell the driver, and gets up and over to the driver. Old lady across from us has a go at him as well. The driver tells me there is another seat on the other side of the buggy so I can turn the buggy around. I didn’t realise this seat was there as it’s also a fold up one and it’s kind of folded into a wheelchair pad thing so looks like it’s just part of that. So I do go and sit there l, again I’m not wanting to make a scene or stoop to the weirdo’s level. As I’m leaving the bus the bus driver thanks me for moving and apologises, says if someone spoke to his wife like that he’d give them a swift punch.

So my question is should I have moved in this situation and was I being unreasonable for sitting closer to the man in order that I could sit next to the buggy to give baby a bottle?

OP posts:
Baternburg · 13/09/2020 19:13

@Temp123999
I’ve got a wee buggy so it usually can fit on the new buses as they’ve got a big wheelchair but

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2020 19:26

[quote Temp123999]**@Baternburg
A double buggy can’t fit in the space with another so would you take your child out and fold so I could stay on the bus as well?[/quote]
How bogs your double?? One can face each other so it's quite deep and I can fit on either side buggy space so no trouble firing on with a single

SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2020 19:30

@MrsxRocky

Hia Karen?! No someone who is already on a bus should not have to move because you decided to feed your baby when you could have done it before getting on bus. You said plenty of other seats available so just leave buggy in the bay and go sit elsewhere?
Yes op if someone wants you to move because you're sitting in a perfectly acceptable start and he's being rude and aggressive it's you're fault. So what if you say you don't have time to sit at the bus stop feeding your baby, you're a Mom, it's not like you have anything important to do. Your time is less important than anyone's cos you just go for coffee and shop. When if the bus stop is one of those stock ones on the side of the road and it's raining, you're still in the wrong. And in future, the least you could do is leave your kid in the buggy do howl and go sit at he back of the bus out the way or carry all your kids to the back so no one can see them, bit don't expect the bus to sit still so you can do it safely. We're all very busy and very important and your, week, just a buggy pushing mom
SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2020 19:32

If it had been me instead of op, I'd love to know how People think I can carry two 11kg/24lb 9 month old babies onto a seat, let alone feed them both so they don't ruin your bus journey with screaming .

Sanitisethat · 13/09/2020 19:34

@MrsxRocky has proven that people are just trolling now. People aren’t that unreasonable in real life, but mumsnet has a tendency for these weird pile ons!

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 13/09/2020 19:40

I can’t believe these answers.

OP had baby and a buggy. It does rather limit your seat choice on a bus. On a near empty bus, which right-minded unencumbered person wouldn’t just move to another seat if they wanted more space?
First come first served isn’t always right.

^^
I agree.

This is Mumsnet though, and any thought that someone with a baby might be accommodated is always shouted down.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 13/09/2020 19:41

And please don’t call women Karen if they dare to disagree with a man.

Warsawa31 · 13/09/2020 19:48

If it was me and someone came and sat close to me with a baby and started feeding them - I'd move.

KitMarlowesCodpieceOfthigh · 13/09/2020 19:58

@Warsawa31

If it was me and someone came and sat close to me with a baby and started feeding them - I'd move.
Yeah, because you're reasonable. But this poor man might have been vulnerable. Or something. Anyway, it was totally on OP to move, even though CDM had much more choice of seat and OP was actually reasonably far away from him. Because... no. No, I'm all out of reasons.
MsPeachh · 13/09/2020 20:02

Oh my lord, some of these responses. There really is an attitude of “I’m not like other mums” on here! YANBU OP, I am a regular bus user and often see old people happily moving from the front seat for mums with buggies! It’s not really safe to carry a baby up a moving bus and additionally, I doubt he had mobility problems if he could shuffle down the moving bus to tell tales to the driver. Women are allowed to expect a bit of help and consideration when they have young children.

AllTheWayUp · 13/09/2020 20:05

Firstly, talking about Covid and social distancing, why was he not wearing a mask in the first place if he was so concerned about someone being close to him!

Secondly, he doesn't get the right to come up and touch you especially when we are talking about spreading virus and definitely should not be trying to move you of your seat!

Thirdly, It really annoys me how much slack mothers with babies get if it's not about breastfeeding then it's about something else. If someone has a small child, then HE SHOULD move because it's not that much of a big deal.

You should not have to put your baby at risk walking around the bus to accommodate a grown ass man who's acting petty because you sat near his space.

I have moved many times to accommodate mothers with babies, and old people and venerable people.

This is why the world is so worked up and selfish because people are so deep about everything.

I don't think your wrong at all.

I remember when I was 8 months pregnant, and it was a hot and packed bus day and No one offered me a seat, and this older woman comes in shouting at me to get up when actually I am just as vulnerable and I refused - with that logic why shout at a heavily women to move when someone else less at risk could just move and be respectful.

You do what you have to do, to keep yourself and your baby safe and never apologise for it x

BubblyBarbara · 13/09/2020 20:06

Oh my lord, some of these responses. There really is an attitude of “I’m not like other mums” on here! YANBU OP

Agreed. There seems to be this culture of women on here who will bend over to fit the needs of the patriarchy to be seen as “cool”

DianaT1969 · 13/09/2020 20:20

In our area we don't sit next to someone on the bus. Honestly, I would rather stand and give the child a bottle while standing than plonk myself next to someone who isn't wearing a mask.

Sanitisethat · 13/09/2020 20:25

Oh my lord, some of these responses. There really is an attitude of “I’m not like other mums” on here!

So agree with this. It’s the same attitude that leads to all those sneering comments like ‘absolutely nobody is interested in your baby except you, OP’ when a brand new mother expresses disappointment that her parents haven’t asked how she is or visited her.

‘I’m not like other mums! I’m a cool mum! My baby wasn’t seen in public until it was fifteen years old! I didn’t even tell my parents I’d had a child because I know it’s of absolutely no interest whatsoever to anyone other than me! I know that to even mention the baby’s existence is insufferably boring and entitled! I’ve never taken my baby on a bus or to a restaurant because I’m not one of those uppity mothers who thinks they have a right to be out in public while in the presence of a baby!’

MsPeachh · 13/09/2020 20:27

Well good for you, but I’m a fit and healthy 27 year old and I can struggle with a handbag up a moving bus, no way would I fancy balancing a baby!

SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2020 20:28

@DianaT1969

In our area we don't sit next to someone on the bus. Honestly, I would rather stand and give the child a bottle while standing than plonk myself next to someone who isn't wearing a mask.
She wasn't next to him, she was on a separate seat. She drew a diagram
sweetheartyparty · 13/09/2020 20:58

How many times have woman been harangued or bothered by drunk men? Alcohol can bring out the worst in some people and Covid just gives someone a great excuse to do so.
Its bonkers mumsnet that blames the woman for sitting somewhere meant for people in wheelchairs or parents with young children.

Temp123999 · 13/09/2020 21:01

@Baternburg
Your non answers tell me all I need to know you expected the “Drunk man” to move for you despite him being there first but you wouldn’t move for a mum who needed the space more because it’s impossible to remove two babies from a double buggy and fold it whilst it’s possible but not easy to do with one baby.

Baternburg · 13/09/2020 21:05

@Temp123999
Right. Quite a lot of responses here so I can’t reply to everyone. I did reply to you already but to be honest I’ve never come across someone with a double buggy on a bus but if I did I assure you I would accommodate them

OP posts:
Puppy72 · 13/09/2020 21:25

@Baternburg I'm glad you're holding your own. Don't let these people bully you. I don't think you were necessarily right to have the expectation that he should have moved but I don't think you deserve the abuse and haranguing you're getting.

TitianaTitsling · 13/09/2020 21:27

Oh temp how on earth have you managed to twist op into being even more of a villan? Just to repeat OP DID NOT EXPECT OR ASK HIM TO MOVE!

TitianaTitsling · 13/09/2020 21:30

Echoing puppy above, you are doing well to remain so calm at the madness and vitriol here @Baternburg!

SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2020 21:33

[quote Temp123999]**@Baternburg
Your non answers tell me all I need to know you expected the “Drunk man” to move for you despite him being there first but you wouldn’t move for a mum who needed the space more because it’s impossible to remove two babies from a double buggy and fold it whilst it’s possible but not easy to do with one baby.[/quote]
G how many times.

Op didn't want the old man to move.

The old man harassed op.
Op said of you aren't happy, move.
That's not the same as op wanting him to move.
Telling someone if they aren't happy with someone sat on a separate seat to them they can move is not as bad as being verbally and physically aggressive.
Op didn't sit next to this man.
Op didn't tell him to move.
Op didn't want to engage with him
Op just wanted to feed her baby in peace on her seat which was selenate to every one else's seat.

weightedpunch · 13/09/2020 21:38

YANBU, amazed at some of these ridiculous responses.

MrsMcMuffins · 13/09/2020 21:44

YANBU from me.