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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to react to colleague

81 replies

Custard2020 · 11/09/2020 19:31

How would you react if a completely harmless comment you made was reported back to your manager in a way that it was slightly changed from your initial comment. The manager then named this person and wrote an email telling me what this person had said and told me off for this, would you speak to your colleague as you are confused why they would say this to manager especially add arts you didn’t say? Or would you just learn from it and let it go?

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Original poster
Custard2020 · 11/09/2020 19:32

parts not arts

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DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 11/09/2020 19:34

I would probably apologise then explain to the colleague, sounds like they probably misinterpreted something you said.

Jubaju · 11/09/2020 19:35

Depends what it was and the context

Premiumbond · 11/09/2020 19:36

I would send an email back to my manager stating that wasn't a correct version of events and requesting a meeting with my manager ASAP to give your version.
A manager is supposed to manage i.e. investigate first before telling you off.

Original poster
Custard2020 · 11/09/2020 19:36

Obviously can’t write as identifiable! It was literally harmless think something along lines of like “gosh I’m soooo tired! I just can’t get through the day”

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Burnthurst187 · 11/09/2020 19:36

I would tell the manager my side of the story and what was actually said. I don't think I'd mention it to the colleague. Probably avoid them for a while

Original poster
Custard2020 · 11/09/2020 19:37

But except it was changed to “she was complaining.......”.

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Original poster
Custard2020 · 11/09/2020 19:39

This manager cc’d in some very important people in the company! Sorry drip feeding ! That’s it nothing else to add

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Original poster
Custard2020 · 11/09/2020 19:39

I cannot believe it! I actually feel I’m in a nightmare and can’t wake up. I’ve been crying for most of the day. I don’t want to go back on Monday

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Original poster
Custard2020 · 11/09/2020 19:41

If it was just manager emailing me I’d let it go but they cc’d in others who don’t actually know me and I’m worried it’s making me look bad!

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campeachy · 11/09/2020 19:42

I wouldn't let that go. Not if others are cc'd. I'm not sure if the best way forward but that's not ok. It could have been done verbally, presumably. And your boss didn't even ask you what happened first!

I'd be pissed off!

slipperywhensparticus · 11/09/2020 19:42

Reply back to all colleague was mistaken must have misunderstood >insert innocuous comment< was said not >other comment

Krazynights34 · 11/09/2020 19:43

I’d email them all right back and say that’s not what I said etc. But I’m a bit of a loose cannon

campeachy · 11/09/2020 19:44

I'd not directly speak to colleague about it though. They shouldn't have reported and twisted it but your boss is wrong for publicly telling you off in writing without even hearing your side. Focus on looking in that direction I think.

But don't talk to colleague unless absolutely necessary. Don't tell them anything about anything as they clearly can't be trusted.

Susannahmoody · 11/09/2020 19:45

Be careful what you say in writing.

I'd have a face to face meeting, with the person who 'misinterpreted' your comment and relevant parties.

You have rights too, op!

TeeBee · 11/09/2020 19:47

I'd not speak to the colleague at all...probably ever.

In terms of the email, I'd reply and cc everyone and say that is a very inaccurate version of the conversation and that are very surprised that it wasn't dealt with directly with you so that you could reassure the manager that it didn't happen. Basically make them look as unprofessional as they've acted.

Eileithyiaa · 11/09/2020 19:47

Erm no, I would be hitting "reply all" and be putting a factual account.

Paperthin · 11/09/2020 19:51

Why is boss cc- ing others in company about some tittle tattle? - very weird behaviour.
You either

  1. say nothing and rise above it ( you know what you said )
  2. Have a quiet word with boss to put them right privately (and tell them how it made you feel) OR if you feel you cannot get passed it,
  3. send an email (and copy all those who were cc’d) putting your side of it.
123rd · 11/09/2020 19:51

Do not involve or speak directly to the person who the original comments was made to.
Either email and reply all clarifying your side. Or speak with manager-or whom ever sent the email first thing Monday -or whenever you are next in. Please try not to stew over it.

BBCONEANDTWO · 11/09/2020 19:52

@TeeBee

I'd not speak to the colleague at all...probably ever.

In terms of the email, I'd reply and cc everyone and say that is a very inaccurate version of the conversation and that are very surprised that it wasn't dealt with directly with you so that you could reassure the manager that it didn't happen. Basically make them look as unprofessional as they've acted.

This.

Your manager has behaved in a very unprofessional manner.

Regarding your colleague I would be professional with her/him and never ever trust them again.

Andi2020 · 11/09/2020 19:54

Something similar happened me so watching with interest
I cried most off the night too
I work in a family business
Boss is based in head office where I work.
His niece works at a different branch but visits head office she told him I was hiding things from him to not annoy him but he couldn't remember what it was.
I do not remember having this conversation with the niece who is the Manager.
I just broke down in front off boss I was so annoyed.
She is coming back next week and I really want to ask her but I know she will just laugh at me as this is her form.
It's not the first time she has done something similar.
She actually went through my whole desk on my day off lifting things I had for payments on Thursday and giving them to the boss saying I hadn't paid them when she had only brought them with her and I put them under my keyboard to pay on the Thursday
Sorry for butting on on your thread

44PumpLane · 11/09/2020 19:57

I absolutely agree with TeeBee's post.

This should have been addressed with you directly and unless there is some major drip feed about you having upset this person repeatedly preciously then your manager has acted in a very unprofessional manner to not approach you in the first instance.

altiara · 11/09/2020 19:57

I’d be really annoyed. Your manager should have spoken to you not emailed it copying in other people.
I’d respond as teebee says
In terms of the email, I'd reply and cc everyone and say that is a very inaccurate version of the conversation and that are very surprised that it wasn't dealt with directly with you so that you could reassure the manager that it didn't happen. Basically make them look as unprofessional as they've acted.

Do you have an HR department? I’d tell them too.

Original poster
Custard2020 · 11/09/2020 19:58

Thank you everyone. I wish I had posted hours ago. I’m sorry to say this but I want to be honest - I spoke to the colleague about what she said. my only defense is that I was totally shocked how what I said turned into what the email said!

This colleague then within 20 minutes gone to manager who told me off again for being unprofessional and discussing it with her. Manager also said maybe she did get the facts wrong but I shouldn’t have spoken to her and made her uncomfortable!

I haven’t stopped crying all day. What about me, I was upset, I was made to feel uncomfortable, but obviously I don’t matter so I.

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Original poster
Custard2020 · 11/09/2020 20:01

No HR, I’ve never had any interactions with this person apart from hello how are u type of conversations. I’m not hiding anything, I’m literally shocked. It could have been avoided if manager spoke to me directly instead of CC img everyone else

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