How to react to colleague

[Custard2020]

How would you react if a completely harmless comment you made was reported back to your manager in a way that it was slightly changed from your initial comment. The manager then named this person and wrote an email telling me what this person had said and told me off for this, would you speak to your colleague as you are confused why they would say this to manager especially add arts you didn’t say? Or would you just learn from it and let it go?

@Andi2020 so sorry to hear this, hopefully we can get through this together

Sending you a very unmumsnetty hug.

Remember, people only have the power to upset you if you let them.

Hold your head high and remember you have right on your side.

Were there any witnesses?

wow OP, what horribly calculating colleagues 😱

No way would I accept this blatant character assassination and certainly not the public email reprimand, that is just appallingly unprofessional.

Please make your voice heard. 🌺

I would have to Reply All:

Dear Manager

I am very surprised that you have dealt with this by raising it in an email, cc'ing X, Y and Z rather than speaking to me first. This is what was actually said:
"XXXXXXXXXX'
and I'm disappointed that such an innocuous comment would be misreported by my colleague in this way.

If you would like to discuss this further, I will be happy to do so.

Regards etc'

What do you think the response would be to that?

I'd reply to the manager (and bcc everyone else in) saying that their version of events doesn't tally with your experience, and you would very much like the opportunity to put the record straight.

💐 and Do you work for my ex company? I had this a number of times, and it increased as I got more senior and older. Funny it was always male bosses that didn’t ask for my version, before escalating and copying in others- all younger and less experienced than me...hmmm.......I retired 2 years ago thank goodness

Be careful OP. I work in HR and the fact that your manager has emailed you to give you a telling off & copying in senior people is ringing alarm bells for me.

He should have spoke to you first and investigated before giving you a telling off (although it doesn’t sound as though there was anything to tell you off for).

I’d have serious issues with your boss. That is NOT good management skills, you do NOT send a group email disciplining someone on the basis of what someone else has said. If discipline is required, you need to investigate first and ask you what happened, during a meeting with you and maybe one witness.

Seriously your boss is a shit boss. I would be livid.

@Glitteryone can you advise me pls - I did end up speaking to this colleague as I was really shocked and part of me hoped the email was completely taken out of context. The manager spoke to me again (verbally this time) and told me off and shouted at me for making my colleague upset and making her uncomfortable! What’s your he perspective of that I went to speak to her?

I used to work with someone like this, you have my sympathy. Theres always one at every company unfortunately.
It's not great you confronted her but understandable. I would reply all saying you take these allegations seriously, and request a meeting with your boss to discuss the situation, and have a union rep or someone else trusted present with you.

Dont let it ruin your weekend it seems massive now but it's a tiny blip in the grand scheme of your working life

Thank you all. I’m actually relatively new there so maybe this colleague has done to others too I’m not sure. I feel deflated as I have worked so hard and was loving my job till this incident. I feel my reputation has been ruined especially infront of senior managers who may never actually meet me in person. Thank you all

Well you can reply all to the email and just state factually

"X had not been factually correct, that is not what I said nor what I implied. Please let me know if you wish to discuss what I actually said"

I'd be pissed

Not going to lie

I'd think my colleague should have asked me directly if she thought I wasn't ok

Write back, copying in the same people, saying that what you said was misreported and you are surprised that the facts weren't checked with you before the manager's email was sent out.

I would definitely reply all also. Put the facts down, what was said and try not to be emotional.

I worked with someone similar. I ended up not speaking to anyone I worked with unless it directly related to work for around 6 weeks. She would twist literally anything and I was told it was bullying to talk to others but only talk to her about work.

At least you don't work over the weekend and have a couple of days to reframe and recover - so that you're not starting back feeling as negative as you do right now. Take something to help you sleep if that's a problem when you're stressed.

Personally, I'd avoid escalating by email, but insist on a 1:1 with your manager; if that doesn't go well, consider a formal complaint about managers' behaviour by treating it in this way and not discussing with you to get a fair picture of the situation.

& good luck for a good start back on Monday.

Thank you all. I’ve been replaying it in my head over and over again. It just doesn’t make sense. That’s why I went to speak to her but that just made matters worse.

I would reply all along the lines of...

I'm sorry to hear you have been given this information and I wish you had come to discuss it with me before coming to a conclusion as sadly the information you have received is inaccurate. I would like an opportunity to discuss this in more detail
As I am concerned you are being given misleading information about comments I have made.

Are you sure there is no HR at all. In a company big enough for you to never meet the senior managers I’d be amazed if that was the case. I’d assume there is a personal relationship between the manager and the colleague, which you aren’t aware of.

Depends on how sympathetic your manager is. I got told off for telling a colleague his rampant homophobia was offensive. My Manager called me in bolicjed me & said,"people say things". Well yes they do but at work keep you vile thoughts to yourself . I left not long after as it was a vipers nest . Small US investment bank. (Who also treated me like dirt when I miscarried).

Your manager and the colleague are working together to bully you. Maybe that is how they operate. It might not feel like it right now, but I would step away from this and don't perpetuate it. You don't know the office politics yet. If you are not naturally assertive, you are not going to win. Be extremely cautious of the 2 of them. Senior managers will hopefully recognise how unprofessional your manager is and that this is not about you, but about belittling you. It certainly is a pathetic way to behave. Your silence will kill them and will exonerate you in the eyes of the senior managers. I've worked in HR for years...

Also to @CSIblonde x

Dont reply all. Do email the manager to set up a meeting.

@AutumnLeavesStart

Are you sure there is no HR at all. In a company big enough for you to never meet the senior managers I’d be amazed if that was the case. I’d assume there is a personal relationship between the manager and the colleague, which you aren’t aware of.

I also assumed a personal relationship between the colleague and boss, so yes I'd go very carefully here.

I would definitely keep my distance from the colleague and request a meeting to discuss this as others have suggested.

Good luck