To think this is very unusual

[thedaywewillremeber]

My ex husband had an affair which resulted in two children being born. The first one was born a week after ds1 and the second two weeks before ds2. My children don’t feel comfortable being involved with siblings so close in age to them that were as a result of an affair. I’ve recently had a conversation with his mother who tells me it’s not that unusual and my children should just accept it. Aibu to say it is unusual to have half siblings so close in age and that they shouldn’t feel pressured to talk with these people. All are now adults. His mother wants them all to get together.

Um, I'd say this is very unusual, and that the mother of their father's other children doesn't get to say that they should just get over it. They have every right to say they don't want any part of them, particularly as adults.

I would say that its very unusual, but it's not the children's fault for being born your dc shouldn't blame there siblings but there dad

My close friend had a very similar situation to this.

Her dcs have never had contact woth their "siblings" .

As they are the result of an affair I think it would be entirely the choice of the dcs as to what (if any) contact they desire.

And, no, it's not common/usual/ get used to it !!!!!

His mother is thinking about what is best for her and her son, not what is best for you or your children. I don't know anyone with a half sibling born within weeks of each other, let alone 2 sets so it can't be that normal.

Ah protecting her shagger of a son all the way

I'd be telling mummy dearest to go fuck herself.

His mother doesn't get to tell you or the children how to feel. Also it is unusual. How old are your children? They may feel different as adults but not necessarily.

The thing is my children are starting to feel bad as she’s getting older and they don’t want to upset her.

The other children's mother needs to learn that wanting isn't the same as getting.

Wow. I think most people would be very uncomfortable having a relationship forced on them that reminded them of their dad betraying their mum and breaking up their family. It's your childrens prerogative to have a relationship with who they want. Unless they actually want to but are holding back for fear of upsetting you, then YANBU

Just tell his mother it's your DCs choice, they're adults, if they don't want contact (completely understandable as this is not a common issue) that's up to them, end of and refuse to discuss it again. Why are you talking to his mum anyway, one of the best things about divorce is jettisoning the in-laws

She is trying to make you feel like the unreasonable one in this situation. I would stand your ground and advocate for your children. None of you should be in this situation and none of you should be made to feel bad for it.

My brother is 2 months younger than me. It's never felt weird but my parents weren't together by the time I was born

Just saw your update. It's not your DCs responsibility, any upset caused to their grandmother should be laid at your ex husbands door, he's caused this situation. Your DCs aren't responsible for making their grandmother feel better about her sons dreadful behaviour.

"not that unusual" 😂 She's insane. Just the first one was weird enough but two? Your DC should be allowed to decide if they want a relationship with them or not

Your ex husband's mother is being very unreasonable and selfish. I'd be telling her where she could stick her guilt trip.

She is way out here. Trying to make your children feel guilty for of their father.
Their lives and their choice. They should not be made feel guilty.

She can want as much as she likes, it’s down to your kids to decide if they want to meet their half siblings

Any I would say it’s not usual, and I would be telling her that, along with the fact that your kids don’t want to talk to their half siblings and to drop the subject now

Of course it’s unusual for a man to have two families at the same time.

Of course the children feel betrayed and weirded out by this other set of children heir dad has.

They have to decide themselves how to respond and what relationship, of any, they want to have other their half siblings.

What age are your children? Would some counselling help?

I'd say it doesn't matter what any of their ages are. Even if they were born years apart, plenty of children would feel uncomfortable having a relationship with half-siblings who were the result of their parent's affair. It's not the half-siblings' fault, of course, but if your children want nothing to do with them, that's their completely valid choice.

Their grandmother needs to mind her own business! Ridiculous of her to want them to pretend everything's fine and it's a perfectly normal situation!

Silly cow. It is extremely unusual, and your kids do not have to accept it at all. Ignore the mad old ratbag.

It's no one's business but your children's. His mother needs to be told to go get knotted. She doesn't get to decide that for them. What's not unusual is to go round sprogging off with your side chick whilst your spouse is pregnant with your children. Tell her that in response and to mind her own business.

You could ask his mother in tones of polite interest if her kids learned this behaviour from their father, and have they met his other woman's offspring and formed a relationship with them?

YANBU. It's up to your children what they do. My dad had an affair while married to my mum, my half siblings weren't born until after they divorced but I've no interest in a relationship with the children of the woman my dad had an affair with (who knew he was married). I am NC with my father as well.

@mbosnz

The other children's mother needs to learn that wanting isn't the same as getting.

OP hasn’t posted what the children’s mother wants.