To think this is very unusual

[thedaywewillremeber]

My ex husband had an affair which resulted in two children being born. The first one was born a week after ds1 and the second two weeks before ds2. My children don’t feel comfortable being involved with siblings so close in age to them that were as a result of an affair. I’ve recently had a conversation with his mother who tells me it’s not that unusual and my children should just accept it. Aibu to say it is unusual to have half siblings so close in age and that they shouldn’t feel pressured to talk with these people. All are now adults. His mother wants them all to get together.

Yeah, sorry, I got my wires crossed there! Too many mothers for my poor cold addled brain!

I would be astonished if the other children were keen on hanging out with daddy's "real" children.

This seems bonkers of the grandmother. Is she still of sound mind?

Your 'children' are adults - it's their choice whether they want a close relationship, limited contact or no contact.
Let them know that (and the mad granny), but otherwise stay out of it, other than to support them in whatever they decide.

Perhaps because she knows them all she can see similarities and thinks they'd get on. Perhaps. But it's not up to her to decide who sees who. Your children don't want to and that's the end of it. It's a sad situation but that's her son's fault. It is in no way common. There's no point in her trying to guilt-trip anyone about it. Just tell her "no", kindly but firmly. Your children have a right to make their own decisions on this.

@Macncheeseballs

Ah protecting her shagger of a son all the way

Lol !!

I used to work with someone in the same position. He discovered in his 40s that he had a half-brother, only 6 months younger and with the same name!

The half-brother really wanted to get to know him and his family. My colleague had no interest and after their father died refused anymore contact with the sibling.

Totally reasonable of both the sibling to have wanted a relationship but also reasonable of my colleague not to have done.

If I was the child I'd feel like he tried to duplicate me with his other woman. I wouldn't want anything to do with them. Don't force them, maybe when older they will meet.

As someone who is the product of an affair (my mother didn’t know until she was 6 months pregnant and saw him with his also pregnant wife) it’s harder being that child... I share a birthday with an older half brother who refuses to acknowledge I exist, the one 6 weeks younger than me hit on me over social media and freaked out when he found out, blamed me for a mental breakdown (we were in our 20s at this point), youngest one was asked to keep me a secret by new new wife.... full on rejection woooo

My step family were amazing and welcomed me in and I’m closer to them than a lot of my biological family.

Imo the dc would fair better having a relationship with each other than with ratbag df...

Your ex mil thinks it’s not unusual? Is she from another planet?

Oh MorganKitten, you poor thing! I'm glad your step family was more welcoming.

I don't it is unreasonable to expect them all not to chase each other over the fells like some pedigree chum advert.

You don't say how old your children are but obviously old enough to do the maths regarding timing of birth of the other children.

It is an unusual situation but not unheard of. I knew somebody years ago who had a child with another woman who was a bit younger than the child he had with his wife. He actually left his wife and first child to be with her but after a while, he made things up with his wife and went back. They later had another child.

He always supported and spent time with his 'middle' child but she was never mentioned at home and her two half sisters knew nothing about her. Until they were grown up, then they met - and it worked.

It's up to you and your children what you decide to do, op. I understand how difficult it is for you. However I presume your husband sees his 'other' children so that is something.

I don't know how you got over it and still lived with him but if you are happy, I'm glad. I'm hoping he doesn't still bed the other woman is all.

What a sexually incontinent man! TWO other children, very close in age to your own DC?...
I don't blame your DC at all for not wanting to see the other children.

It has to be up to them and them alone.

Sorry I was only asking what age he children are to gauge heir understanding of the situation. A ten year old dealing with this is different to a nineteen year old in terms of navigating the relationships.

Awful situation for anyone though.

What about the other children he may have? I doubt very much if someone who shags about when his wife is pregnant - both times!!- has only the ones you know about.

Does his mum expect everyone to just play happy families to suit her? Apple doesnt fall far from the tree if so re selfishness

Of course it’s not usual, no matter how much your ex MIL tries to make herself feel better by pretending it is. And tough shit if she wants the kids all together, she doesn’t get to decide just like your kids didn’t get to decide to have an irresponsible, cheating twat for a father.

Your MIL is being unreasonable but you can understand that as she’s granny to them all, she just wants to see family harmony.
Unfortunately, her prick of a son let everyone down.

I’d make it clear to her that the children get to decide.
They certainly shouldn’t be blackmailed into having a relationship with a step-sibling but they might well choose to get to know them when they’re much older.

Wow, she's a peach, no wonder her son thinks that its normal to lead u duplicitous life.

Under no circumstances is this anything to do with exDM, in no way is this usual, in no way is this acceptable.

I would imagine that the OWDC will feel equally awkward. I'm sorry but what would they even talk about.

I think that your children have the right to reject this act of "acceptance " of their DFs betrayal of his family.

I wouldn't personally do it, even if she was dying. It isn't a reasonable expectation.

Your ex MIL thinks this is acceptable? How many months between your exH and his brothers from another mother?

Bloody bonkers, your kids get the final say, nothing to do with her.

The childrens choice, and especially fuck all to do with the other woman. Or the cheating father.

She’s getting older, sure, but she doesn’t give a crap about your children’s feelings or wishes or boundaries.

She’s protecting her gross son and pushing his rights and wants.

Fuck that.

Are you still with him, was there contact growing up?

Your MIL sounds horrible and very strange. She thinks it "not unusual" to be unfaithful to your wife or to have two children with the woman you cheated with!

You and your children are not being unreasonable but I think what we are getting here is some insight into how her son managed to grow up with a very, very poor moral compass and a stunning ability to disregard everyone else's needs.