To think this is very unusual

[thedaywewillremeber]

My ex husband had an affair which resulted in two children being born. The first one was born a week after ds1 and the second two weeks before ds2. My children don’t feel comfortable being involved with siblings so close in age to them that were as a result of an affair. I’ve recently had a conversation with his mother who tells me it’s not that unusual and my children should just accept it. Aibu to say it is unusual to have half siblings so close in age and that they shouldn’t feel pressured to talk with these people. All are now adults. His mother wants them all to get together.

She is nuts, what would they honestly have to talk about?

@PatriciaPerch

how old are they? I have a lot of half siblings, some the results of affairs and I do feel a bit weird about not having a relationship with them, even though I haven't had one with my Dad. To the poster who thinks it is harder being the child from an affair, it isn't but none of this is our fault anyway x

Actually it was harder - the three children with two of his wives got private educations, he paid for houses for them, talks about them all the time and managed to have those half siblings all together, the rest of the family excepted them. My mum sent him a letter saying she could afford school shoes and the resply was ‘find another man to help’. He wanted to keep seeing me but keep me secret even though everyone knew about me. When we finally re met at 18 for lunch he wanted me to pick a cheap place because ‘the uni fees are hard work’, I’ve never asked him for anything since the one time I asked for help he laughed in my face and told me to get a job, this was a week after he bought a half brother a car.

It might have been fine or easy for you but it wasn’t for me.

How long have you and ExH been divorced? How long have your DC known about their half siblings? Have they ever met before?

I’d suspect you DC’s might be able to help their half siblings for some reason. That’s why your ex MIL wants them to get along.

Granny needs putting back in her box.

It's NOT normal, her son's Top Shagger status shouldn't be normalised and your kids need to know that you treat partners better than that so they don't grow up to do, or put up with, the same!

They don't have to have a relationship with their half siblings if they don't want to.

her son's Top Shagger status
this is what's going on, she wants to glorify in her son's virility:(

I agree with pister who said best thing about divorce is dumping any toxic in-laws. I'd tell her she is deluded. (Its what i told my exMIL around the time of splitting with her son)
God it felt good!

I'd tell grandma to fuck right off.

It's your children's decision to make; not hers.

No, it's not the fault of any of the children involved, it's 100% her son's fault for not keeping it in his pants, but they're still entitled to their feelings on the subject.

This is so weird, particularly as he has clearly created twice at quite different times.

cheated

Well it’s not unusual if your an 18th century duke porking the milk maid but these days it’s unusual.

Your MIL can butt out. She did a crap job of raising a son. Your kids should not be under any pressure to meet their half siblings. That's ridiculous. If they want to when they're older then there should not be a problem with that but forcing them together will not end well.

YANBU, it is very unusual indeed. It's like an Eastenders storyline!

No wonder your ex behaved like that if this is how his mother thinks things should be.

I don't know how unusual it is, we have a very similar situation in our family, although the father has never married. If I talk about his DC I just refer to them as X's DC and not X's 3 DC by 3 different mothers (two of whom are the same age). I haven't thought of it as an unusual situation, I don't know anyone else who has DC the same age by different mothers but assumed that it happens sometimes and just isn't worth mentioning so I haven't heard about it.

@thedaywewillremeber

The thing is my children are starting to feel bad as she’s getting older and they don’t want to upset her.

She'll get over it. At the end of the day, it is up to the children.

Do you mind me asking, is Grandma from the UK?

The siblings contacted my children when my oldest was 18. They argued as unfortunately these bad feelings on both sides. They were all rather horrible to each other. They have since told their grandmother that they would like contact withy sons. He has one other child that we know about who’s six but my children see him which I think has added to the argument from his mother that they should see their other half siblings.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's kids with Maria Shriver reportedly refuse to have a relationship with his lovechild. They even grew up around him as he was the product of an affair between Arnold and the family housekeeper. Can't blame them at all.

He sounds like a prince.

They’re adults. They can see whoever the like. She doesn’t get to dictate what other people do. Tell her to sod off and let your children know that they are able to tell her to sod off too.

Sorry, I misread. I thought it was the mother of the other children, not the grandmother.

But I still agree with what I said. She doesn't any get to dictate to your dc. Doesn’t matter how old she is, or how upset she might be. Tough shit.

Support your dc in what they want to do