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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give neither child an en suite??

426 replies

HamRadio · 10/09/2020 23:46

Yes - first world problems I know.

My kids are 9 and 6. Two girls. We are about to move house and two of the bigger bedrooms have an en suite.

DH and I are having one. The other I was going to make a guest room/office. There are two decent sized bedrooms for the girls.

DD9 wants the en suite. She has been going on and on about it but I don’t want to give it to her.

Firstly, a nine year old does not need a bloody en suite.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to let her have it and not DD2 so in my view the fairest solution is that neither of them has it (I feel like DD2 gets a lot of hand me downs etc and it’s an issue that I have become quite conscious of).

DH agrees with me but my sister thinks we are bonkers to make the second biggest bedroom a barely-used guest room and that it’s a waste of space.

Would appreciate some views...

OP posts:
UsernameN0Tavailable · 11/09/2020 07:50

I would be keeping the en suite as a guest room. So much nicer for and less awkward for both you and guests if they have their own bathroom.
I've never understood the 'oldest gets the best of everything' attitude. I was the youngest of 2 growing up and my sister got first choice of absolutely everything (from major things like bedrooms to minor things like food, clothes, days out etc.) i was left with whatever she didn't want. TBF I think ive turned into the nicer adult for it (she still has tantrums when she doesn't get her way at 40 years old) but it felt pretty shit growing up.

WeAllHaveWings · 11/09/2020 07:53

If you have guests staying over regularly and it will be a well used guest room more than once a month, then I would make the room a combination guest room/office.

Otherwise it would be a waste not to use the room with the extra facilities. I would offer it to the 9 year old as long but explain it comes with responsibilities she must agree to. The 6 year old can use the ensuite if the main bathroom is in use, or if it has a better shower (except when 9 year old has friends in, is doing homework or is sleeping), she must keep it always tidy/clean when she uses it and help you clean it properly once a week, and the first time she complains about it she will either swap with her sister or move to the 4th room.

NewName2106 · 11/09/2020 07:53

I’d keep it as a guest room and allow the girls to “stay” in the guest room as a treat.

I do this with my son and he thinks it’s great and he really appreciates the double bed. He’s 12.

jessycake · 11/09/2020 07:54

Make your life easy let ,neither have the ensuite, the 6 year old won't care now but a few years down the line , it will cause nothing but arguments.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/09/2020 07:54

You're right op.

You get you own bathroom.
Eldest gets her own bathroom.
Littlest gets to use the family bathroom the most but it's also the default bathroom for everyone. It isn't the same. It isn't HERS and you'll be more strict on her if she makes a mess than if it were an ensuite.

They're too close on age for the "when your sister moves out" think so it's either a guest room / office / playroom but when it's not a guest room I would let then use it if our helped with time in a morning - but whoever gets there first uses it that day

Flamingolingo · 11/09/2020 07:55

@HamRadio it was one of the reasons we ripped out an en-suite here. Not the only reason (it was poorly done and laid out, and had taken a chunk out of a very beautiful room. And there are no drains on that side of the house, so no loo in that room, and no idea where the shower water was actually going (soakaway presumably).

In reality you’re not going to get legionnaires if you forget and get to 10 days or even maybe 2 weeks, but I tend to forget to go into our spare room for weeks on end sometimes (if it’s truly a spare and not in use).

So whatever you decide I think you’re going to need someone to be using the bathroom on a semi regular basis. Even if not the legionella concern, after a while the shower trap can dry out and be smelly.

RandomMess · 11/09/2020 07:56

I'd probably give it to the youngest because the 9 year old has gone on and on about it 😂

In reality I wouldn't want either having it as it will only make getting up to mischief easier... (or is that just my DC that did stuff involving water)

Definitely keep it as your office/office you can always change things around in the future.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 11/09/2020 07:57

My DD has had an en-suite since she was 4 (now 12). Not a conscious choice, just the layout of the house.

It's a fucking nightmare. It gets so messy it's difficult to clean so becomes another battleground along with her bedroom. She used it as a craft room once Spilt paint & toiletries left to leak everywhere. Make up smeared everywhere.

A girl sharing a bathroom with one younger sister does not lack privacy.

Agree with others: guest room/office/spare room for adults when the other is sick / snoring / getting up early.

NewAutumnName · 11/09/2020 07:58

Keep it for the guests

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 11/09/2020 07:58

There’s a lot to be said for guests having their own bath room away from the family!

Plus it’s less cleaning that way, as you won’t have to clean it as often as if it were in regular use. So it sounds a good plan!

KeepSmiling89 · 11/09/2020 07:59

When my dad build our childhood home, the only en suites were my for my mum & dad downstairs and the guest room upstairs. My brother and I shared a bathroom that was between our 2 bedrooms. No biggie.

WingingIt101 · 11/09/2020 08:01

I’m in the same boat op - moving to a house where we have 2 en suites and a family bathroom. Our dc are much younger so it won’t be an issue for years yet but we’ve already made the call that the second en suite bedroom will be for guests and the kid’s get the family bathroom to share to themselves.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 11/09/2020 08:01

Mine unfortunately have very disparate sized bedrooms. I’ve got a five year gap and they are different sexes.

I’m planning to do a loft conversion and move up there myself, the younger one (who has had the smallest room will then take my room, which is a bit bigger than dc1’S current room. So hopefully that will make it fair!

Plus he’ll have 5 years longer at home in all probability.

I do agree that the eldest doesn’t always get the best by default, even though I’m an eldest child.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 11/09/2020 08:02

How tidy is your elder DD? I've got a 9 year old DD and she is so untidy so, when we moved house last year her DB got the bigger bedroom. She's really wants us to decorate (which we will do), but she needs to show us she can respect her things and the house by being tidy(ish).

If she's going to keep the room and en-suite tidy and your younger DD doesn't mind I'd let her have it with the provisio if she doesn't her DD gets it or it's turned into a guest room.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 11/09/2020 08:03

Honestly some people seem to think six year olds stay six forever and ever.
You have made the right decision OP in my opinion anyway, not that it's any of my, or your sisters business.

Hargao · 11/09/2020 08:09

@TerrifiedandWorried

Keep it as a covid isolation suite.
This is a joke but we have this set up (4 bed, two ensuite), two kids and have the second en-suite as the guest room. It has been used as the Covid isolation room twice now and if we hadn't had a spare ensuite the person isolating would gave had to have gone to a government facility (we're not in the UK).

That obviously isn't why we arranged things this way. It seems pretty accepted here that the second en-suite is the guest room unless needed as a bedroom. Ours is guest room, temporarily DH's home office (he's back at work) and now emergency Covid isolation chamber 😂

Witterywoman · 11/09/2020 08:09

Our family had a similar set up. I was given the en-suite (younger child, but girl) whilst my brother had the family bathroom as his bathroom.
The privacy it gave me was invaluable once I became a teenager and was dealing with things like periods, I had it from the age of 5.
I’d give it to you daughter personally. The other child can use the family bathroom like my brother.

This is exactly why we've decided to give our daughter (teenage younger child) the spare ensuite. She has started periods and they're horrendous so happy we can do this for her and DS is happy to have main bathroom. Also, others have made a good point about under used bathrooms and legionnaires - not thought about that! Appreciate OP's circs may be a bit different though!

roadsurvey · 11/09/2020 08:10

@NewName2106

I’d keep it as a guest room and allow the girls to “stay” in the guest room as a treat.

I do this with my son and he thinks it’s great and he really appreciates the double bed. He’s 12.

I can't even begin to wrap my head around a double bed and an en-suite in your own house being a treat.

umberellaonesie · 11/09/2020 08:13

If she is able to clean her bathroom properly and regularly then she gets the luxury of having a bathroom.
Keep it as a guest room. Life isn't fair, you don't always get what you want and it doesn't make you hard done by.

Bear2014 · 11/09/2020 08:13

If you're using it as an office day to day I would focus on the office setup then a sofa bed for guests. The fact it's your work loo day to day and guest bathroom more than justifies not giving it to
DD. You also don't want to feel like you're just working in the spare room all day.

starfishmummy · 11/09/2020 08:13

@BitOfFun I just said one child. Not which one. That would be up to the parents.

But lots of families have to manage with kids in unequal rooms, they'll get over it.

VesperLynne · 11/09/2020 08:15

Nice problem to have.

Nicetableinnit · 11/09/2020 08:16

I'd ignore the sister and keep the other ensuite as an office/guest room. It's not as if they girls will have to fight over a bathroom given you have 3 in the house, no-one will be waiting for a shower...

ElanaD · 11/09/2020 08:18

Agree with your decision OP

Eve · 11/09/2020 08:21

@MaskingForIt

Is the 9 year old going to be scrubbing the shower and toilet? If not, it’s just an extra bathroom for you to clean.
this

My teenage DS2 has the ensuite room - you can imagine what its like!

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