My friend is having an affair with a married man

[Brea91]

It's been going on for about 10 months. Obviously they haven't been meeting up very often now, however, they text every day and they speak on the phone. They're planning to meet next week when they'll work working in the same area

The man is married and has a 4 month old baby. He was texting my friend while his wife was in labour, telling her what happened and even sent her a picture of the baby.

He has sent her jewellery, flowers, expensive lingerie etc.

What can I say to her to make her see sense?
I feel terrible for his wife but I also want to be there for my friend- what would you do?

Sorry typo *they'll be working

What does she think will happen, does she think he will leave his wife?

Wow!

He sounds terrible.
Is she just in it for fun or does she love him?

Do you know where he lives? Anonymous note to the wife. Friend probably won’t break up with him if she hasn’t for the past 4 months. The poor woman probably thought he was informing family of the new arrival, meanwhile he’s chatting up his bit on the side!

Nothing you say will make a difference if she’s literally seen a photo of their newborn and doesn’t give a shit. He’s a revolting man. She’s a disgrace. I’d back away from her. It’ll hopefully blow up in her face but she can’t say she didn’t know what she was doing. Rank.

I couldn't be friends with someone like this. I would take a massive step back from her and if she asks why, I would be honest.. Why do you need 'to be there for her?' She is putting herself in this situation. Why is she even telling you all about this anyway?

We've been friends for a long time. She's 10 years younger than him. I don't like him at all. I think he's manipulative and controlling, but she can't see it.

Why do you need to be there for her? She is aware of the situation and is a complete disgrace. As is he. I would leave the pair of them to it.

I would not be friends with someone like that.

Sorry, what do you think she can’t see?

Tell the wife.

Anne, she can't see how manipulative he is. She believes his lies about how hard his life is and how awful his wife is. I can see straight through it, but she thinks I am wrong.

Dont get involved.

Send an anonymous message to his wife. He's the one having an affair, presumably your friend is single. He is playing both his wife and his girlfriend, they should both get shot of him.

Second @Buttercup54321

Do not get involved. Not your moral dilemma to fix.

Sadly I think you need to accept that your friend is choosing this awful behaviour, not being manipulated into it—it’s onyo natural to want it believe the best, but she is acting like a disgrace.

Personally I would tell her I can’t condone it, and can’t be friends with her while this continues. I don’t hunk the situation is complicated for her in any way, it’s her own decision.

Not your problem. But, in your position, I would reassess who I thought of as a friend.

Why are you even friends with the revolting woman?

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do and I would be dropping your so called friend because she is not a friend that you need to keep she knows full well what she is doing and she doesn’t give a shit about his poor wife and baby. They are both nasty twats and they deserve each other.

Normally I’m of the opinion that the one who’s doing the cheating is the only culprit, as they are the ones betraying their ‘loved’ one.

I wouldn’t applaud or encourage the mistress of course, but the onus is not on her imo.

However in this instance I just think this is one step further. What kind of man is he? And what kind of woman can look at a new born photo and continue?!!

She’s delusional if she thinks he’ll leave his wife and even if he did, he’s shown no respect whatsoever

Eghhh

Then she’s a fucking moron. You’ll do yourself no favours by sticking by her in order to “support” her. Is she usually of sane mind or this sort of stuff to be expected from her? If you entertain her mooning over him you’re enabling her.

I have a friend who is doing the same, although there is no baby. What's worse is that she has been cheated on by her own DH recently but can't see the similarities....I think it's doomed for failure for many reasons.

The way I see it, I do not know the married man or his wife, so I wouldn't meddle by telling anyone, but she is an old friend. I have told her that I think her behaviour is cruel, unwise and she should know better given what happened to her but I am not going to 'dump' her over it. She is making a mistake and at some point she will regret it, but you can only control your own life, not other peoples.

Thanks everyone

Your friend is not being manipulated. She is willingly lapping up the attention and allowing this relationship to flourish. This is all her choice, clearly he hasn't lied about anything.

Any woman who can gaze at a pic of a new born and still behave like this is a very cold and selfish person. She really doesn't deserve your friendship or misguided support. Get as far away from this toxic situation as you can, I guarantee it will not end well.

He sounds terrible. Why on earth she wants to be with someone like that. She sounds pathetic too.

They deserve each other. Your friend knows and doesn't care he is married with a young baby. She is cold and selfish and deserves the scorn that will come. He is following his dick and will likely dump her when said wife finds out and discover that it was just a bit of fun because his wife wasn't having sex.

I would struggle to be friends with such a selfish piece and keep well away.