Would you cook the whole two weeks?

[Confusedasusual78]

Just interested in others thoughts on this.
I live in another country and my parents and family come to stay a few times a year for two weeks at a time in our house.
Obviously love seeing them.
During that time, we eat out one night and have takeout maybe one or two nights, the other nights I make dinner, wash and clean up etc for everyone..would you do this?
Interested in how others organize things in a similar situation or if you go to stay with family for a length of time.
I was speaking to a friend who said when her Mum comes to stay, she leaves her to get on with it and her mom cooks her own bits, washes up etc.
I don’t akways mind it, but do feel a bit exhausted at times as have a hyper toddler and am recovering from illness..it’s just always been this way though 🤷‍♀️

I don’t get why your parents can’t wait until 7.30 for supper? They’re not little kids! Then you and DP can share the cooking as your parents don’t bother.

As you have noticed, 2 weeks is too long. Shorten the visits to a week at a time, citing work and family commitments.

We often have family coming for a few weeks at a time. Usually the guests offer to take us out for at least one meal. We also go out for a few more meals where we each pay our own way. Most of the nights we're in I cook but I won't do a special meal every night. Usually the guest offers to cook a nice meal for us as well as a thank you. (Mother in law does a great roast lamb which she usually does with all the trimmings). Guests usually offer to help with tidying up after dinner and will bring cups to the dish washer etc. I've never had guests doing other tidying like hoovering etc.

My parents (used to) come and stay for a few days at time, and my in-laws somewhat longer (Australian). The last time was three weeks which was too long, frankly, but there you go. On food: guests get on with making their own breakfasts and lunches, snacks and clear up after themselves. I cook dinner most nights (I like cooking, meals are a big part of having house guests) and my husband and I clear up. We don't expect contributions to the housekeeping, although gifts of wine, naice biscuits, chocolate, whatever are very welcome. If we're out for the day and our guests offer to buy lunch or coffee or whatever, that's very welcome too. I don't lift a finger when a guest in their house, aside from getting breakfast/coffee for myself (but I would tend only to stay a night or two)! Oh, and I never arrive empty-handed.

How many house guests do you have at a time? it does sound a lot of extra work with a young family

I think I would be coming to an arrangement 1 cook one night, guests the next. then take away. then me then them again. then eat out. That is 6 nights and I would only have cooked twice. You get the picture. in twelve nights that would be two take aways and two eating out. I pay one, they pay one. Breakfasts and lunches everybody helps themselves. If I've cooked I don't wash up and vice versa. No way would I do the lot for 2 weeks.

I have my parents here mainly, but also my sister, niece and nephew stay, but my sister always actively clears everything away and helps out a lot.
I’m not really expecting anyone to cook, as that does feel pretty strange to me, but I guess more helping out or even offering more. My dad doesn’t even wash his own coffee cup or bowls after yoghurt etc, just plonks it in the sink, so there’s an endless stream of washing up.
My mum has hinted before how hungry she is at gone 6, being where we are, we’re used to not eating until 8 onwards some nights, especially in summer.

@honeygirlz They’re in their 60’s, fit and active

Yes, it’s a holiday tourist destination.

@Susannahmoody

Same! I do all the driving daily and airport drop off and pick ups, I love having them just need a break of my own afterwards 🙈

We do it when mum and partner come to stay, as they’re only here for a couple of days and there is only two of them.

We spent ten days with them last Xmas and we did the majority.

I would always cook for my mum if she was staying. She's a shit cook for one, and I know cos she cooked for me for years! She is helpful around the house tho and always washes up so I don't mind at all.

Yes I’d cook for my parents in my own home, especially if they were generous like yours sound, paying for lunches and half the food shop etc. If you don’t want to then get more takeaways or simple things like pizza?

Holiday 6-8 weeks during summertime in our home in France. Love having family coming over to spend some time with us.
Breakfast lunch help them selves from pastries bread we get from our boulangerie across the road, evening meal usually bbq salads easy to do. They help with setting up and clearing away.
We’re the parents so our children their OHs and our grandchildren SIL & BIL their children plus some very good friends.

They're your parents tho, you should say something if they're not pitching in. Chuck your dad a pinny and be like, you're on pots tonight mate.

@Coquohvan are you looking to adopt at all? May I put myself forward?

Get a dishwasher, I promise you it will change your life! Not just when they visit.

Also, they’re your parents. Just ask them if they can lend a hand.

Guests eat when we eat, although they're more than welcome to help themselves to a snack if they're peckish. Generally I expect them to get themselves breakfast, and we'll sort out lunch and dinner, with DH and I sharing the cooking.

My Mum and MIL tended to want to help with washing and ironing, and if they did, it was gracefully accepted, but never expected.

I would not be impressed with just dumping cups etc in the sink, I'd be saying, 'there's the dishwasher Dad, rinse your dishes out and stack them in it please. I'm your daughter, not your maid.'

I think I'd do the same as you. I like to cook, cooking extra is not much more work and I don't really like anyone else poking around my kitchen.

Don’t get me wrong, of course I adore having them here, just a very full on day with toddler too, it’s pretty exhausting sometimes.
I feel sort of rude asking them to wash their plates etc, even thought they’re my parents, it doesn’t sounds too inviting!

Perhaps you should introduce aperos like we have in France.
When you know dps are visiting prepare a few extra meals for toddler and freeze them.
At 5pm give toddler meal and put olives, charcuterie plate and bread on table. Give parents alcohol.
When dh returns get your dm to bath toddler whilst you and dp get dinner with one of you clearing as you go.
Also freeze casseroles that you can get out of freezer in morning or use a slow cooker when you’re out for the day.

If it's my mil she sorts out her breakfast and lunch but expects her dinner, prep and clean up to just happen.

Did try to point out that some prep or clean up was expected but that resulted in her calling me a name and tears.

Whatever for a easy life now. But staying for more than a week is no longer a option

[quote DimidDavilby]@Coquohvan are you looking to adopt at all? May I put myself forward?[/quote]
Ha ha bit old for more children now grandchildren never enough of those. 😀

My parents come to stay for 5/6 nights at a time. They’re elderly and Mum does all the cooking at home. Therefore we do most things.

I batch cook in the weeks before so when they’re here I don’t need to cook every night. I will freeze a lasagne, a casserole and a shepherds pie, so we just add veg. Lunch is cheese, ham, chicken on the table with some salad leaves and bread.

@Coffeecak3 Sounds lovely, would you just ask your dm to bathe the children though? I generally don’t ask them to do jobs with Dd and wait for them to interject, they often don’t with that either, so I’m cooking whilst trying to sort dd out and stop her running around in the kitchen

Would your parents have been very impressed at you just leaving your unrinsed dishes in the sink, when you lived at home?

No, my Mum and MIL wouldn't kid-wrangle when they came to visit, as far as they were concerned, they'd done their time.

@mbosnz I was a child/teen when living at home.

They’ve done their time, yes, but it’s pretty hard work to do all the washing up/cleaning, driving around, shopping, cooking and managing Dd, it just would be kind to have a little more help.

Yes, but if you left dirty dishes in the sink, did they gripe at you? Because if they did, then clearly it's not acceptable that they leave dirty dishes in the sink at your house!

I understand, it's hard work. But yep, sometimes you have to accept that some people just develop a degree of wilful blindness, and tend to think of coming to yours as a bit of a holiday. If you want them to do something, you'll need to ask them to do it, and be prepared for them to refuse, or to do a crap job.

In which case you might need to regulate how often they come, and for how long, because yes, it's hard enough with little ones, without older ones who expect you to be chief entertainer, housekeeper, bottle washer, chef, and scullery maid. . .

When my parents come very similar to you OP. I mostly do all of the shopping, cooking and cleaning almost every day inc. days I’m working (I take some annual leave). With the odd meal out or take away. It is exhausting.

My OHs parents cook and tidy and I come home from work to proper food (roast, goulash, risotto and homemade strudels). Absolute bliss!!!! They can come as often as they want. I would never expect or want them to do my laundry but the place is kept pretty tidy too. Both are 70+ and his Mum has mobility issues that would easily excuse her expecting to be looked after herself.

My Mums last trip was two years ago, I’ve not invited/allowed one since. She came uninvited for six weeks, turned the place into a tip every single day and just watched me clear her shit away so I could actually cook for her and then clean up again. With a ‘is there anything I can do’ once it looked like I was finished, to which I’d say yes and she’d do it for a minute and wonder off. She even wiped her fingers on the side of my kitchen island when I tried to get her to help me make her zucchini fries. Oh and all while having her wave her laptop in my face demanding that I must watch this video of panda when all I want to do is clear a surface so I can cook so I can eat. Oh and all at my own expense and with dietary demands in country notorious for high food prices. She admitted that she came for longer periods (previous were 4 and 5 weeks, despite me saying that 3 is my max) to make it worth her while financially and fit between her travels.

My Dad is not messy just very passive and I have to really encourage him to do anything like cook even though it’s one of his greatest pleasures. I roped him into doing a roast for me and my friends and he really enjoyed himself. So I think for him he just needs to feel like he knows he can, what to spend (I would pay), where to shop etc.