Would you cook the whole two weeks?

[Confusedasusual78]

Just interested in others thoughts on this.
I live in another country and my parents and family come to stay a few times a year for two weeks at a time in our house.
Obviously love seeing them.
During that time, we eat out one night and have takeout maybe one or two nights, the other nights I make dinner, wash and clean up etc for everyone..would you do this?
Interested in how others organize things in a similar situation or if you go to stay with family for a length of time.
I was speaking to a friend who said when her Mum comes to stay, she leaves her to get on with it and her mom cooks her own bits, washes up etc.
I don’t akways mind it, but do feel a bit exhausted at times as have a hyper toddler and am recovering from illness..it’s just always been this way though 🤷‍♀️

I’d be cooking normally, but not always the meals we have with guests here, more prep and obviously nicer with more thought. If I’m tired and it’s just us, I’d do fishfingers or pasta with a jar sauce 😂currently I do all from scratch

Ouf that’s a bit much, doing everything. In previous years, we’ve hosted up to 8/9 family members at our holiday place, for up to 4 weeks total (different groups every week) Except for the BBQ i tend to do all the cooking because a) I know the kitchen, shops, utensils and everyone’s tastes and b) I’m bloody good at it, and enjoy it. But I never wash a dish during the 6 weeks - everyone else does that.

My brother lives abroad and often comes to stay for 3 weeks with his family. He will pay for a few dinners out, take away but mostly I cook. It wouldn’t occur to me not to. I cook most nights so it’s not much extra

I have done, but it is exhausting. Tell them in advance that with a busy toddler you will put guests on washing up duty and ask them to cook or arrange takeaways once a week. People should be happy to muck in.

This is an interesting thread, thank you, Op.
I’ve my Mum, 81, staying for a month at the moment. I’m not cooking from scratch as much as she wouldn’t eat the heavier foods such as curry and shepherds pie, lasagne etc. We went to Marks and bought breaded and roast chicken breasts, breaded fish, big potatoes for baking with various fillings, bacon and eggs etc. I’ve made sure we have cheese and biscuits, salad, ham, pork pie etc in too. I cook/ heat food up, DP gets the table out, we are in a small flat, and Mum sets the table and pours drinks. They fold the table back down and load the dishwasher. Mum helps herself to snacks, breakfast and lunches. We’ve had a pub and a pizza meal out and Mum has insisted on paying for groceries to the point where I’ve stopped taking her!
For puddings I’ve just given everybody a cornetto, meringue, fruit and cream, jelly and ice cream etc. She likes fresh fruit too, and cheese.

Same set up. I absolutely cook. I really look forward to having the stay and generally plan fairly exciting menus. Want to make it a lovely trip for them. :)

It sounds like if they are offering to get more takeaways/eat out and it's your choice not to and to cook from scratch then it's you who is making more work for yourself?

Maybe if your parents think of these trips as a holiday then they might not want to be cooking all the time. Could you come to a compromise and maybe eat out a couple more times or go to places with healthier choices? I would also get food in that needs less preparation just for the 2 weeks. Maybe some things you can put straight in the oven, preprepared salads.

many moons ago dmil stayed with us -Oh my god was she a fantastic cook & the pickles...
(DH asked me to cook some days as dmil food was so rich - because she was trying to treat us :) )
bless her

They don’t even offer to help clear/wash up after their meal? Lazy bastards!

You allow this to happen. Your parents assume the woman of house does the 'domestic' chores and if she doesn't say otherwise then they assume you enjoy doing it.
You can't hope someone 'notices' and offers to help.
Next time before they arrive talk to your DH about it. Maybe he can help batch cook or come up with other ideas about it.
Then also ASK for help. Does your father ever pick up a tea towel?

You say parents AND family in OP but only refer to parents
Do otherS come out too?

Do you ever go and visit them and what are they like at hosting?

How old are they?

I think they've got used to being fed most nights and take it for granted (notice they thanked your DH for the odd BBQ but not you for your almost daily cooking).

Your dad is an arse for making garlic bread etc and leaving a mess.

As they're coming over so often (do you even want them so regularly?), tell them you need to take in turns to cook and wash-up.

Is it a bit of a holiday destination? They're saving a fortune.

Sounds ok to me although your parents could help clear up a bit more.

Could you do some batch cooking to stock the freezer starting a couple of weeks before they arrive? It might take some of the pressure off of cooking from scratch every day. Couple of cottage pies, lasagnes or something like that?

We live overseas and my parents will come for a long stay in the summer. 3-4 weeks, but it is broken down into different parts, part of the stay they are here with us, part of the stay we might all go away for 4/5 nights to a hotel, then a couple of nights they might go away on their own.

When we are at our house, I do most of the daily dinners, with suggestions from them and they would contribute to the food bill. My dad would cook a couple of special meals during the stay and my mum would help me with clean up. We would also eat out for several meals or get an easy take out.

I see this is fair as the person hosting, when we visit them in their country it is a similar format, but reversed they do more of the shopping, planning, cooking and I would do maybe a couple of meals.

Like others said it's not that much more work to cook for another 2 people as long as they are not fussy and happy to eat what you make.

We're abroad too. When my family comes, we go out to eat quite a lot, and get takeout, or we take it in turns to cook: my mum cooks, or she and I cook together, or dh does. It never seems one-sided, to be honest, my mum is so desperate to help and I like having her in the kitchen with me.

@ValleyoftheTrolls how is it ok? they're visiting several times a year for 2 weeks at a time. It makes me hyperventilate just thinking about all the work. Parents and then family too!

@honeygirlz, yes I see what you mean but as long as the OP is happy with them visiting, and it doesn’t sound as if they don’t all get on, it may be a case if asking them to help out more with clearing up if OP’s mother doesn’t want to cook?

I'm in the same boat op.

We live abroad and my parents come to stay for 2 weeks. It's like you - we have the odd takeaway and lunch out but the rest of the time I'm cooking up a fucking storm. My parents seem utterly bamboozled when they get to our house, as if they were born yesterday, and can't possibly clear the table, unstack the dishwasher etc etc. My dad spilt water all over the floor, I said who has spilt this? Oh, me, hahhaa
but didn't think to clear it up!? They do very little to help out. It's like having 2 extra kids!

Plus, they refuse to drive over here, or take any public transport which means they need to be entertained for the entire two weeks.

By the time they leave I'm ready to throttle them.

I'd probably go out twice over the 2 weeks. Dh and I would share the cooking and my family would help with a bit of dinner prep, do the washing up, maybe offer to walk the dog while we were cooking etc. I wouldn't expect them to actually decide on meals and cook them, and I'd find the idea of them cooking just their own separate stuff really odd (as would they). Family meals would be a big part of spending tome together. They'd certainly offer to pay for us as well as them for at least one of the meals out. Essentially, it's our kitchen, we're the hosts and we decide the menu and cook the food!

BTW when we visit my parents, I cook regularly and clean up as a normal family member would, not as a guest in a hotel. I also drive and leave the house, mainly to give them a break!

Buy a dishwasher and only use all that goes into it. About 30 years ago I took a dreadful rash on my hands and was given wipes to clean hands after loo use and told not to get them wet. My dear mil came round the next morning and said she was here to babysit while dh took me to buy one of them machines that washed dishes. They were not common them and had to go to a different town. It took ages for hands to heal, but the dishwasher was a lifeline. We always had one since.
Sometimes it is used twice a day and other times every 2 days, but mostly we put it on at night.
Your mum sounds a traditional type , does she not realise that you have been ill?

Hell no. Your parents have very old fashioned views on roles in marriage and what women are supposed to be doing.

Divide up the nights, and tell everyone to get involved, or you will make a rod for your own back for the next twenty years, and it is hardly a good role model for your own dc!

I don't entirely get this as surely you'd be cooking anyway? So you just make more of it. I most definitely wouldn't want any guests cooking, that would be weird. Buying a takeaway or paying when we go out to eat, yes. Also someone might sit at the table in the kitchen and offer to help eg chop onions or whatever, and I'd take them up on that as I like the company while I'm cooking.

I also do breakfast (which just involves putting out cereal and toast, surely?) and lunches will usually be simple no-cook things (sandwiches or more likely help-yourself picky bits).

I'd be doing it all anyway whether the guests were there or not, so there's just more of it, it's not really extra work as such.

Sounds like you're finding it hard work OP so tell them that!
And if your dad has the consideration to make your DH a cuppa then of course he should make you one too. Tell him!

I do cook but don’t mind doing some very simple meals like pizza and salad. It’s still hard work. They’re family, you don’t need to try and impress them.