Using surname initial to distinguish between two children with almost same name - almost!

[NewLookings]

Am I being very precious about this? My child has just started big school and is one of two children with a name that is pronounced the same but spelled differently.

I get that verbally they will need to be distinguished by their surname eg Bob A and Bob B. But when written down, is it really necessary? This is not the name but is a close likeness:

Juliet
Juliette

In everything, I have noticed my child’s is referred to as Juliet A and the other Juliette B. Surely this isn’t needed? Her tray, her work on the wall, her name on the class whatsapp group etc etc always with the surname initial.

I KNOW I’m being a bit precious. I know this. And yes, I’m disappointed there’s another one as it’s not a very common name.

AIBU to think there is a difference here because of the different spelling?

I don't get why it matters even in the slightest tbh

For quite a few years at primary school, my DD had her surname initial added to her work (eg. artwork) but she was the only one of that name in her class/her year

What actually bothers you about it OP?

@Hardbackwriter

I'm really sorry that your carefully thought out very very special name didn't turn out to be as unique as you thought (I know a lot of middle-class mums of Lyras who would sympathise with you) but you are being absurd about this and have already given it so much more thought than it deserves.

😂 OP, this wouldn’t even register on my radar.

My DD was known throughout primary school as (for example) Sophie P (not her real name) Admittedly the other Sophie in her class had the same spelling, and was always known as Sophie J.
It honestly genuinely never occured to me to be concerned or even slightly annoyed about this, and I wouldn't have been bothered if the other girl was called Sofie. I just can't work out what is annoying about this, or what negative impact it could possibly have on the children?

We have this with 2 girls and 2 boys in DS2's class - day to day, they just use the firstname, but all the kids/parents/teachers will clarify with 'Tom K' or whatever when they want to be specific. Things are labelled with full name.

It's better than when I was at school, and there were 3 of us with the same name. I got to keep hers, I got to use a nickname from home, but the 3rd had a short form imposed on her, which 20 years later, having friended each other on facebook, I discovered she had always hated.

I've never met another child, or heard of someone with the same first name as DD. There is now girl with the same name, in her class (one class per year, tiny school) . They're distinguished by the surname initial.

YABU. Chill out.

Kids figure out what to call each other fast enough. Teachers' input is limited.

My Dd is a Robyn there are 2 Robins in her class one male and one female. They all get their surname initials. Never thought about it. I feel sorry for the teacher having 3 Robyn/Robins.

My DD went through primary school in a class with an Isabel and and Isabelle. They were known as Isabel G and Isabelle H - seeing that on an art display would immediately tell me as a parent which was which as I know their parents, know their surnames. If it had just been labelled Isabel / Isabelle I would not know because despite knowing all of them for 7 years I still couldn't tell you which was Isabel and which was Isabelle without the surname clue. I imagine it's the same for anyone who doesn't see their names written down routinely (lunchtime staff, teachers from other classes, parent helpers etc).

Very precious! Honestly there will be bigger battles to fight as time goes on.

We do this at work, there's me (not my actual name) Jenny and a colleague Jennie. We're always referred to as Jenny B and Jennie F and we both refer to ourselves this way too.

All the Mohammeds agree among themselves what they should be called - they're currently Abdul, Hamed, Big Mohammed, Office Mohammed and just Mohammed, who joined first so gets first dibs.

It's clearer to everyone and prevents confusion.

Mentally, with people you know and regularly associate with, you tend to think of them primarily by the sound of their name, with the spelling coming very much in second place. You may have known a Stephen for ages, but if you have to write him a note, you suddenly question yourself as you might not know/be certain if he's a Stephen or a Steven.

With something like Shakespeare or Austen, you've obviously never met them and only know them by their written works, so it doesn't bring the same potential issue (although, if Jane Austen were contemporary and somebody you knew well, you'd quite possibly find yourself pausing to think "Now, is it Austen or Austin?"!)

This is frequently the case for adults, who are fully experienced in the relationship between sounds and spellings; with children - especially if they have 30 other kids in their class - they may well be much less confident.

Also, going along with the above example, the two names are commonly shortened to Steve - even if your name is Stephen, you probably wouldn't want to preserve the 'ph' in short form, as Steph is commonly associated with females called Stephanie. (I've seen a male singer on telly a couple of times called and pronounced 'Steph', and it just seems weird to sheltered old me). Like it or not they're both likely to be called Jules anyway (or whatever corresponds to their actual names - Rachel and Rachael are both Rach; Nicola and Nicole are both Nikki), so any distinction is instantly lost, unless they're referred to as Jules M and Jules W.

I was one of three in our year at secondary school and we did it this same way. Laura B, Laura J and Laura T. They were even used directly to us, like "Hi Laura B!"

Never bothered me in the slightest. I mean, that's my name and initial. Nothing offensive about it!

YABU. However if using surname initial is an issue for you, would you be happier to suggest to the teacher to use their second name?

So for example:

Juliet Rose
vs.
Juliette May

This is to help the children as much as anything - if they hear your child being called Juliet A and the other child as Juliette B then they also need consistency in what they see on hooks, work etc. Makes complete sense to me.

my son has something similar all the way through school from nursery to sixth form - his name was almost exactly the same as another boy who was always in his class (eg if DS was Sam Hill, the other boy was Sam Hillyer). They were seated together because of the register, and were known as Sam Hl (DS) and Sam Hy (other boy). They are now 20 and still the best of friends, in fact DS is away with the other boy at the moment, helping him move to uni for his final term. It could be quite a nice thing for your daughter.

*obviously I've changed the names but they are similar

Precious. With a capital 'P'.

It's just because they sound the same. "It's next to Juliet's artwork" - is that Juliet or Juliette?

How come Amelia and Emilia don’t have their surnames added

They don't sound the same. Similar but not identical. (Other accents may vary)

I honestly cannot understand why this matters to you at all.

Why does it bother you? What difference does it make?

Words (including names) when read are converted to sounds. Even once the teacher has memorized the different spellings and associated them with the correct child, when she reads the name she will “hear” it in her head as just the same name and it will be far easier to recall which of the two it is if what the teacher reads corresponds to the sound of the name she has learnt for each child, that’s just how brains work with reading. If she doesn’t have that surname letter she has to stop and think just that little bit longer to associate the Spelling of the name with the right child and she will more easily make mistakes. Overall that’s bad for your child, so the she does the professional thing and takes steps to ensure better outcomes. The impact will be even more significant with teachers who have less to do with the two girls and may not have memorized the different spelling.

My children all were in classes with numerous Toms,Hannah,Jack etc . They were all called by their name and the surname initial ,cannot remember any parent being bothered . My sons secondary school the boys generally referred to each other by their surnames.

As a parent I have just about learnt all the names of DS classmates. Two have the same first name so are distinguished by their surnames. If I had to distinguish them by a variant spelling of their first name it just wouldn't happen. Other parents aren't going to be interested is such small details.
I'm sorry to be so blunt but it's the truth.

I think it’s just consistency. So they implement it where they need it and this just follows through got other areas to keep it consistent.

In the kindest possible way, you are over thinking. My daughter is the same - let’s say Sofia and Sophia. I don’t have a problem with the surname initial, even when written down. It will be unnecessarily complicated to have to say Sofia B but not write it down. It did make me a little sad that I used to get Mother’s Day cards - you are the best mummy in the world love from Sofia B. But I got over it and now when she writes family cards, she doesn’t use the initial either.