Using surname initial to distinguish between two children with almost same name - almost!

[NewLookings]

Am I being very precious about this? My child has just started big school and is one of two children with a name that is pronounced the same but spelled differently.

I get that verbally they will need to be distinguished by their surname eg Bob A and Bob B. But when written down, is it really necessary? This is not the name but is a close likeness:

Juliet
Juliette

In everything, I have noticed my child’s is referred to as Juliet A and the other Juliette B. Surely this isn’t needed? Her tray, her work on the wall, her name on the class whatsapp group etc etc always with the surname initial.

I KNOW I’m being a bit precious. I know this. And yes, I’m disappointed there’s another one as it’s not a very common name.

AIBU to think there is a difference here because of the different spelling?

Also, this is an opportunity to model for your daughter how to get over things that are not a big deal.

They will know which is which surname because that is what everyone is going call your child for the next six years.

OP I get it, it must be frustrating and it's just bad luck/an annoying coincidence. But let's not forget how dumb kids can be (in the nicest possible way)
The teachers might well already know which Juliet/te is which, but it will still cause confusion for enough other people that it's worth differentiating. Wont' scar her for life, she'll change classes one day :-)

@TheNewLook

But titchy that assumes parents know which is which surname. If they can learn that part, why not learn the different spelling instead?

You seem intent on not listening to explanations... some, like mine, from teachers.

You seem like one of the parents that never understands that wrangling 30+ kids does not happen instantly!

YABVVU.

There are 3 Oliver's in my daughters class 2 of them are known by their full names are their surnames start with the same letter.
I don't think it is unreasonable to use their surname initial as they are so similar to prevent confusion. Does you daughter mind?

My son moved from a school of 650 where he was the only Robert in the school to a class of 15 where there were two others! They had been Robert A and RobertB until he joined but then became Rob, Robbie and Robert as the boys decided enough was enough and Robert C was a step too far!

I genuinely don’t understand what there possibly is to be concerned about here.

DD is 10 has attended lots of classes and groups where they have needed to add her surname initial to identify her as opposed to others with the same first name. It’s literally never caused any issues. Why would it?

I’m in my 40s and we have to do it at work because there are 2 sets of 3 of us with the same first name in a team of 20! Saves people asking “which Jane/Sarah/Susan” every 5 mins.

By "big school" I assume you mean reception?

Many DC can't read into Year 1 where as they can distinguish between the different letter at the end more easily.

At least she's the A and not the B imagine how more pissed off you'd be at that.

It’s for consistency. We have the same thing with DS, two spellings but the same name and they keep (not his name) Stephen A on everything so it’s all consistent verbally and written.

Not for the teacher - for the children. It must sting if you deliberately chose a name to try to avoid two in a class but it’s really not an issue.

If it really bothers you, is there a nickname you could ask them to use for your DD? Two other kids in DS class have the same name but are (not real names) Charlotte and Lottie which avoids the initial use.

It's completely reasonable for the teachers to do this, non issue.

Quite normal from my experience, my son was so used to his name being said or written as Connor P (3 Connor’s in his class) that when he write Christmas cards/birthday cards etc to family he wrote ‘love from Connor P’ - even cards to me and his dad 😂😂

You seem like one of the parents that never understands that wrangling 30+ kids does not happen instantly!

Not at all. From a teaching family and fully understand what goes on a classroom, thank you.

There are 16 children in the class

My DD has 2 boys with the name Rowan but one is pronounced Row-anne - as in row your boat and the other Row-anne - as in I had a row with someone. It must be a problem for the teacher to know who's work or drawing it is as they are both spelt the same.

@TheNewLook

You seem like one of the parents that never understands that wrangling 30+ kids does not happen instantly!

Not at all. From a teaching family and fully understand what goes on a classroom, thank you.

There are 16 children in the class

Nothing you have posted shows any understanding.

Thank you!

I meant in her class

Thinking about it, I went to school with a class full of girls called K/Catherine or Rebecca (or that’s what it felt like) and they were all treated the same back then, even though they came up with their own nicknames to distinguish (Kate, Katy, Katie, Catherine, Becki, Becky, Becca, Rebecca etc). Maybe it’s just a long standing resolution to deal with preventing confusion over names.

What are you disappointed about? I genuinely don't understand how this makes any difference to you at all. Has your child complained about it? And if so, what exactly was their problem with it?

Seriously pick your battles. My DC have DH’s foreign surname which is routinely mispronounced because it is similar to a surname in another foreign language. I get called by the same surname as my DC even though I haven’t changed my name.

I let it wash over me. My eldest is in U6 so I have had years of this, there are so many more important issues.

It's just inevitable in primary schools. DS's class had an exaggerated EMM-ilia and AMM-ilia to deal with.

Perhaps a nicer solution - which we do in an extra-curricular club I help with - is ask the children with the same name if they have a nickname that they would prefer to be used instead. So, instead of 'Juliet A' and 'Juliette B', we'd have Juliet and Jools. Of course, if none of the children want a nickname used or their parents are too precious to want a nickname used, we resort to A and B. If your child has a nickname they'd like used, why not ask the teacher?

In my experience, if there's no differentiation, children find their own ways of telling apart those with similar names that are not as nice as just A or B.

Could be worse

I know of a Fred Smith who was in a class with another boy also called Fred Smith (name changed of course - their actual names weren't even that popular). So the Fred S wouldn;t have worked. One teacher referred to Fred Smith 1 with a descriptive, could be insulting nickname e.g. Spotty Fred.

That's much much worse.

Could be worse... Juliet Alpha and Juliet Bravo?

You’re not being a bit precious, you’re being a lot precious. Why does it matter? It’s just a quick way for the teachers to remember which one is which. In a week or so she’ll know, but it’s early days.

Secondary is a whole different ball game to primary, you have to really let the small stuff go.

But for art work on the wall? They didn’t need to surname that, did they?

That depends, if Juliette likes something Juliet has drawn what's to stop her taking it home?

Have the children been asked what they prefer? They may have chosen that way to distinguish themselves.

A friend had a William, there were 2 others in the class and they were asked if they wanted to be 'William A', or 'Will' or whatever, friend's son chose to be 'Bill'.