To be white and find this offensive

[TotallyObsessed4]

Every time I see my (all White) friends they always play rap music where every other word is the N word. I really dislike that word being used regardless of context. I understand The whole claiming it back but does every other word really need to be that one.

After the millionth song and billionth use of the word, I asked if we could listen to something that wasn’t rap. When they asked why, I explained that I find the word very offensive In which they replied you can’t find it offensive as you’re white and how most black people love using that word as it’s their identity And How I’m censoring black voices which makes me slightly racist. Am I missing something here? Shouldn’t they actually research the meaning of that word. Funnily enough at the BLM protest I went to, One of the men who did the speech, who was actually black, said how they wish there was a complete ban on that word even in the black community. And then I got told off for quoting a line of that speech that used that word because I’m white.

So let me know AIBU:
YABU- yes your white, therefore you cannot be offended by racist slurs, and no you can’t use the word even if you are you quoting something (White people should only ever say “the N word” if they need to quote it).

YANBU- that word is offensive and you have every right to be offended by it and there is a difference between quoting something and using the word freely (which I would never do)

Friday Night Dinner even. Wake up Ruffle

YABU

To hang around with friends who 'always play rap music'

Variety is that spice Op

I think it is disingenuous to say the rap artists are black so it’s up to them and therefore WP to find it offensive.

Rap is a particular genre. Plenty of Black people would never use the N word, and also find it offensive. Rap is potentially offensive in many ways, sexual politics, sex content, violence, etc etc. And I don’t believe that rap is intended to make the N word available to WP as a word to use.

Listen to rap if you like it, don’t if you don’t.

@RuffleCrow

Again, just because a very, very small number of people from an oppressed class get very rich from perpetuating negative stereotypes about themselves, doesn't make it a liberating choice for the majority. Not every choice a woman makes helps the liberation of women as a class, and not every choice made by a black man will help improve things for black men as a class.

But that's not the argument. The argument is : "rich white men are using rap to perpetuate negative stereotypes". Which may be true. But if those rich white men hadn't signed the rappers in the first place, I have no doubt that they wouldn't have been similarly 'beaten' for not signing those rappers because they're horrible racists who don't want to see a black man succeed. My issue is with the people who insist on always framing the argument so that one group is perpetually the enemy.

How have the original rappers not improved things for black men as a class ? They have made many of them independently wealthy, made them more visible in the public eye, all whilst telling their stories in their own words.

It's a bit hard to say OP. YANBU to find hearing the word "uncomfortable" and to feel guilty or ashamed when you hear it as a white person, and really you should because white people used it as a slur and insult to black people.

YABU if you think it's offensive towards you. Because the word used in a rap song has nothing to do with you.

And YABU to say it shouldn't be used by black artists, because again, it has nothing to do with you. How the black community chooses to use that word is entirely up to them.

End of the day, if you don't like rap music, don't listen to it.

The N word isn’t a word that has been reclaimed by black people, it’s just that some black artists within some genres of music, use it. So, a pretty niche group. I’m black and never say that word. Neither do my kids, my family or any black person that I know. It’s always best not to make a sweeping generalisation about an entire race of people.

Not wanting to listen to particular songs due to their lyrics is not censoring. Someone producing something doesn't mean others have to consume it and not consuming it is not a moral judgement on the character or value of the person making it.

The White "friends" are using their perception of black people and black identity as a shield for their own opinions. Depending on my mood, I might ask them to cite their sources on their assertion that a word is "their identity". Their whole idea sounds like they're making black people and the cultures and communities black people have made very one-dimensional.

OP, while you did cite your source, one person is not representative of a group and the way it's written in the OP also sounds a bit like using a black man as a shield for your opinion. There was no need to do the full quote to make your point.

With music as described, just say you're tired of the same thing over and over again and want something different. It doesn't need to be offensive to not like it, doesn't need to be a reason at all.

I am with the OP in that I do not wish to hear the N word at all, by anyone.

It's a bit hard to say OP. YANBU to find hearing the word "uncomfortable" and to feel guilty or ashamed when you hear it as a white person, and really you should because white people used it as a slur and insult to black people

I do have a bit of a problem with this. I don't think all white people should feel guilty and ashamed every time they hear that word. The disgraceful treatment of black and almost all non-white people should never, ever, be forgotten. However, expecting all white people to feel guilty and ashamed forever more is not helpful or realistic.
Claiming that OP doesn't have the right to object to the use of that word I don't think is fair. People are allowed to not like or approve of the use of certain words and prefer that they aren't used around them. Someone's skin colour and therefore 'right' to use the word doesn't trump someone else's 'right' not to want to hear words they find upsetting.

I hate hearing the N word so I when I listen to songs where it's used a lot I try to listen to a radio edit where they've replaced or mute it. I'm worried that my pasty white kids will start singing it and saying the N word which is not cool. But it's not up to me to police words that black artists use.
If black artists want to use it then that's their prerogative. I also don't like songs that are too sweary, sing about 'pussy' or whatever.

And saying 'all' black people use the n word is absolute bullcrap. Of course they don't.

I can't think of a single one of my black friends who would use the N word in a casual way, not one. And if their kids tried it out they'd be in a whole world of pain, just ,like my kids would be.

No word in itself is offensive. It's how it's said that is. And obviously if it's said in a negative way, over time it becomes negative. I personally hate the way Southerners in America say "boy" when speaking to men , it sounds so demeaning.

A tricky argument. Rap artists have the right to express themselves as they wish. If you find the content offensive yourself, maybe ask your friends whether they could play a different type of music when you are around? I must say I am a big rap fan (I am white) and it is not for me to say how black artists, like any artists, should express themselves or not in their lyrics. You can simply choose not to listen to that type of music if it bothers you.

It’s their musical taste, not a word they are using.

If they all enjoy rap and have it on in the background at their homes when you visit, suck it up. It’s their music. You can drive them all nuts with Sam Smith or Barry Manilow or whatever when it’s at your house.

“YABU if you think it's offensive towards you. Because the word used in a rap song has nothing to do with you. “

I don’t think the op is saying it’s offensive against her, but offensive against black people.

When I was young, the N word was still used but thankfully it’s use had largely been eradicated due to its racial/offensive/non pc connotations. Consequently, when you hear it being used either by a black or white person, it just seem wrong.

Also, it’s difficult to keep up with what’s acceptable, not acceptable, who can use what and when etc as this thread has shown. Ie. Some black posters have reclaimed the word, others still hate its use. A white person singing the word in a song with a group of black people gets criticised for singing the word, the black singers didn’t. Same word, same song. Same occasion.

It’s all very confusing.

Well I suppose you can be offended by it, we don't chose what to be offended by so if that's how you feel, it's how you feel.
I live in a mainly white area so I don't know if black people do use the word but I have heard it's acceptable for black people to use it but not white people.
Rap music isn't known for it's songs about fluffy bunnies and unicorns so if you listen to that music you have to accept the language.

As a white woman is it racist to object to rap music that is misogynistic?

Finfintytint Thu 10-Sep-20 01:51:47

Laughable. It’s not down to you to police language. As a white person you can be as morally outraged as you like but it doesn’t really affect you.

^ this 'couldn't care' attitude is what makes racism continue being rampant.. ie "because I as a white person don't live it/ haven't experienced it, I don't have to have anything to help alleviate it" ...what a shame!!

Regardless of whatever colour we are, we all have to/need to take a stand re 'racist' words/actions be they in music, film, everyday life...

I stand with your opionion OP.!

I think you have no right to tell anyone what they can and can't listen to or think.

Are we only allowed to listen to certain music according to our profile?
I think rap is very ugly anyway but presumably the musicians want as wide an audience as possible?

You are conflating two things.

No as a white person you should not say the whole word. You should (as your friends do) put a pause or say the N word even when quoting.

And yes the word is offensive. You can be offended by hearing it

Yes some Black people may choose to say it, to reclaim it

No you don't get to be upset that they can say it you can't.

Yes some Black people would prefer it wasn't said by anyone that in and of itself it is a harmful word and perpetuating its use is perpetuating harm there is no such thing as reclaiming. Shock horror, not all Black people have a homogenous view of the world.

No you do not have to enjoy the same music as your friends, nor wish to listen to it over and over. But. If your reason for not enjoying it is solely because if the repeated use of the N word, and then you use that N word in a quote?... yeah you are absolutely being unreasonable. How dare those Black rappers use a word repeatedly, when i can't? Waa waa. If the word is inherently harmful, as you seem to believe, you definitely do not say it. If it is OK for you to use it in a quote? You definitely don't get to object to Black people using it any way they see fit, including in music

@Powerbunting ok at school when we where doing mice and men. That word comes up a lot. We were told that when we are reading from the book, we were to stay the whole word and not censor anything however we where made Very clear that that word was not ever to be used in school outside of this classroom in this context. Everyone in my English class was caucasian apart from one girl who was mixed race, should the teacher I’ve got us to censor it or should of the girl been chosen to read that part (which surely would be more offensive and harmful).

The world has changed since we were at school. Now a days i would expect a teacher to discuss the word with their class, before just reading it out and encourage them to come to their own conclusions about whether to read it, or to say N... probably as a tie in with a PCSE lesson before approaching the book in English. And yes, I would expect that pupils would be actively encouraged not to read it aloud, but more leeway given to a Black pupil who wanted to

Even in my aged day at school there were fruitful discussions about how language differs depending upon who is speaking

Why is all this about white people and black people?are we not all just people?