To be white and find this offensive

[TotallyObsessed4]

Every time I see my (all White) friends they always play rap music where every other word is the N word. I really dislike that word being used regardless of context. I understand The whole claiming it back but does every other word really need to be that one.

After the millionth song and billionth use of the word, I asked if we could listen to something that wasn’t rap. When they asked why, I explained that I find the word very offensive In which they replied you can’t find it offensive as you’re white and how most black people love using that word as it’s their identity And How I’m censoring black voices which makes me slightly racist. Am I missing something here? Shouldn’t they actually research the meaning of that word. Funnily enough at the BLM protest I went to, One of the men who did the speech, who was actually black, said how they wish there was a complete ban on that word even in the black community. And then I got told off for quoting a line of that speech that used that word because I’m white.

So let me know AIBU:
YABU- yes your white, therefore you cannot be offended by racist slurs, and no you can’t use the word even if you are you quoting something (White people should only ever say “the N word” if they need to quote it).

YANBU- that word is offensive and you have every right to be offended by it and there is a difference between quoting something and using the word freely (which I would never do)

Too right always.crashing.

What happened when they started selling records in USA was a shocker.

Must suppress them.

TBF @NiceGerbil Express Yourself is I believe one of the very few NWA songs without swearing or the N word. It does mention lynching though. It's also one of my favourite songs. Bloody geniuses.

I can also listen to Harder Than You Think by Public Enemy with DD in the car. It does have the word 'bitches' but I lalalala that bit. The rest of that playlist is ummmmmm not for DD.

I don't sing or say the N word but I understand why Dre and others might. And these are groundbreaking, incredibly talented musicians. Writing protest songs.

I was shocked when I first heard black people using the slur amongst themselves. I found the choice very odd in the beginning but 100% accept other people’s reality is very different from my own. Therefore I no longer find the word offensive in certain contexts.

I don’t think it is correct to feel moral outrage at black people using the word amongst themselves. This is more the younger generation from what I gather. They have the right to choose how to define one another in their friendship / ethnic group.

I have also heard a white young man using it as gentle ribbing with what appeared to be a close black friend and the black friend using something else to rib their white friend. I forget what. If this is their code and way of healing wrongs from the past, who am I to judge just because it sounds strange to me at first glance?

I don't think ANYBODY should be using that word whether they are black or white. If it's deemed to be so racist by a white person saying it (which it is) then it shouldn't be used so freely by some black people either. I hate the N word and find the double standards ludicrous.

YABU
if your white just pretend the word doesn't exist. If anyone black uses it they can if they want I think. But don't moan at your friends for listening to music, they won't be your friends for long really if they like it doesn't mean they're racist

@CuntyMcBollocks

I don't think ANYBODY should be using that word whether they are black or white. If it's deemed to be so racist by a white person saying it (which it is) then it shouldn't be used so freely by some black people either. I hate the N word and find the double standards ludicrous.

Then why does you username include cunt, a word, which many many people especially women hate and find highly offensive? Can you not see the double standard?

As a black woman I think you're absolutely right and I feel the same way as you do. I wish rappers would stop using it.

@NiceGerbil

I'm serious.

Have a watch and tell us where the problem is for you.

NWA.

The You tube comments say this is a very sanitised version 'With no cuss words'...But Rap is aimed at people who aren't middle aged white women... DS {white} used to listen to lots of sweary music at a certain point of his teenage years. I left him to it. Oddly enough some of it I liked...esp Snoop Dog

I'm with you on this. I cannot stand the word - it's disgusting.

I was just watching the movie 'Black KKKlansman' (about a black detective who infiltrates the KKK) and there were so many uses of the N word.

It was really upsetting to hear it because it's so ugly and hateful a word.

Tonight re-listening to Snoop Dogg for the first time in years...and realised I haven't listened to the lyrics closely, as opposed to the rhythm of it..

I think this issue is far more complex and nuanced than a YABU/YANBU vote. You’re entitled to your feelings about that word but they don’t trump the feelings that black people have about that word, and they never will.

I’m white, I also don’t like that word, but context affects my reaction to hearing it. I hear it in black-made music and don’t feel upset by it, I hear it in the context of deliberate intent to cause offence (i.e a movie or something where it’s used as a slur by a non-black person) and it produces a different, disgusted reaction in me, as it’s meant to.

You’re upset by it, but it cannot hurt you in the way it’s designed to hurt a black person when used with that intention. I think you’re angry to be told your feelings aren’t as valid as someone else’s. And to be honest, you’re feelings are legitimate and you’ve every right to them, but honestly they aren’t as important to the discussion of the evolution of that word as the feelings of black people.

@CuntyMcBollocks

I don't think ANYBODY should be using that word whether they are black or white. If it's deemed to be so racist by a white person saying it (which it is) then it shouldn't be used so freely by some black people either. I hate the N word and find the double standards ludicrous.

Yet the C word is part of your username?

That is a double standard, surely?

It is still one of the worst and ugly sounding things to call somebody in UK at any rate.

YANBU

I am a black woman and I hate the use of the N word by anyone, it puts my back up as soon as I hear it. But at the same time I understand the argument from some black people who use the word and feel they are taking the word back and disarming it. I personally don’t like it and I can’t separate it from it’s initial roots and the vile racists who used it with abandon.
I always remember Oprah discussing the word in an interview with Jay-Z. Oprah said she couldn’t get away from the fact that when black men were being lynched, the N word would be the last word they heard. By using it freely isn’t it just buying into that racism?
BTW I don’t see why it’s white privilege or racist for you as a white person to hate the N word and to find it offensive. You have every right to feel that way.
I personally like rap music but I do wrestle with the fact that the N word is often used and I almost have to switch off to it’s use in that context because I like the actual music.

I personally like rap music but I do wrestle with the fact that the N word is often used and I almost have to switch off to it’s use in that context because I like the actual music.

This is what I do...I loved the tunes when DS played them, but was surprised at the free use of the N word.

A {White} girl on UK Big Brother called a {Black} girl this word...and I remember gasping out loud in horror...They were in the BB garden, smoking, and she just came out with it.

Needless to say she was kicked off the show immediately.

As a white person I would never use the word myself because it's clearly intended to be offensive if a white person says it to a black person.

But also, as a white person, I can't expect all black people to be in agreement about this or any other issue. Black people have diverse views just like white people surely. I work on the grounds that NWA and Public Enemy (to use the most groundbreaking examples) presumably wanted white people to listen to their music because they were making protest songs and there's not much point protesting to people who already live your life and know your problems. So on those grounds, I don't think actually listening to them is wrong.

I think the question for me is why has black music moved from amazing Jazz, Blues, Motown and disco to Rap and Grime? I think that is the real racism pushed by the music industry. Instead of positive uplifting music played by people smiling or mixed bands eg The specials, it all about street music and cars, cash & women writhing. I know I’m generalising but flick through Sky music channels for while and see what I mean.

The film with Tupac and Tom Roth, Gridlock'd (1997) had a scene which covered this. Worth a watch.

@Ritasueandbobtoo9 completely agree and I watched a really interesting video about that. I’ll see if I can find it to share.

Isn't there a black movement that basically says rap and other forms of music are basically being pushed behind the scenes by rich white men (who usually own the record companies and distribution methods) to keep negative stereotypes (and presumably also language) alive, in order to perpetuate racist divisions? I remember seeing something on Twitter where a bunch of white BLM activists were intimidating a black researcher/public speaker because she believed this?! Sorry if that's too vague. Funny how it's often white people who seem to be the biggest fans of black music where the N word is used.

Ultimately, if you find them using it offensive then find new friends. I am Black, and in my opinion, white people have no business saying that word nor policing how/when black people use it. If they feel so comfortable using the word I would wonder what other racist things they do as well. Get rid of them if racism means that much to you, if not you've just come on here to display your white sensitivity without actually doing anything tangible to stop the perpetuation of racism.

@RuffleCrow

Isn't there a black movement that basically says rap and other forms of music are basically being pushed behind the scenes by rich white men (who usually own the record companies and distribution methods) to keep negative stereotypes (and presumably also language) alive, in order to perpetuate racist divisions? I remember seeing something on Twitter where a bunch of white BLM activists were intimidating a black researcher/public speaker because she believed this?! Sorry if that's too vague. Funny how it's often white people who seem to be the biggest fans of black music where the N word is used.

It must be exhausting for the various identity / conspiracy groups, to ensure that "the other", whoever it may be, it evil.

"Rap is pushed by rich white men to perpetuate racist divisions"

Except that most successful rappers are black. Lots of them run their own record labels and lifestyle brands on the side as a result. Are these young black men simply ignorant puppets then ? Willing shills ? Or are they enterprising successful young black men ?

As for OP - I think it's perfectly reasonable at any gathering, if only one type of music is being played and you don't enjoy that music, to ask for a bit of a change of tunes.

Re : the N word. I'm white. I don't use it talking about black people. I'll use it in conversation with any kind of people when quoting / referencing something else that uses it (song, comedy skit). I don't find it offensive for black people to use it, but can understand why you may find it unpleasant to hear frequently and repeatedly. So, to choose a side, YANBU to ask for a change of tunes due to not liking hearing that word over-and-over.

@jessstan2

I don't like use of the N word either but black people say they've reclaimed it so who am I to argue. I would never use it but I'm white.

I also dislike use of the C word but since being on Mumsnet I have come to realise women have reclaimed it! Well, some women anyway. I wish they hadn't.

Some black people. Definitely not all.