To think my DH is an utter cock?

[MonkeyPantaloons]

I'm currently on maternity leave with a five month old. I've not found motherhood easy, although my son was very wanted, and I'm lonely and miserable. It doesn't really help that DS wakes every couple of hours all night still. He'll throw a night or two of sleeping better every now and then so I have a little hope but then revert back to form.

I'm thinking about going back to work either three or four days a week as I think it would help me feel more like myself. This involves looking at nurseries. DH has informed me he's not keen because he doesn't think I should just give up and give DS to someone else to parent.

He's an absolute tool, isn't he?

@OhCaptain

Tell him that you absolutely agree that there’s merit in a baby being looked after at home by a parent and so he can hand in his notice and you’ll go back to work full time.

This is what I would say. He needs to put up or shut up.

Sorry I selected YABU by mistake as my immediate response was you 'DH' is very very unreasonable.

Yes he's a tool.
At 5 months on this planet, your baby waking every few hours is very healthy if it's to feed and/or nappy change.
If they are waking and feeding well, you're doing an amazing job.
As your DH seems to worry about someone else parenting your child, perhaps you could suggest that every nappy change is done by him if not already.

He can stay home and you got back to work

You can share your maternity leave with him. Tell him to speak to HR to arrange his leave when you go back.

You're not unreasonable. Going back to work part time will be great for you and good for your son as long as you are happy with the nursery or child minder.

It will do you good to mix with other adults where the topic of conversation is not just babies and children. You will feel like a person in your own right. What's more you'll enjoy your time at home with your baby when you are not working, more.

Husband will have to step up a bit more too.

Good luck.

Utter spanner.

DH just nominated himself for nights I think.

What a dick.
Regardless of whether you do go back to work now - you need time to yourself without the baby. If not nursery, then someone to come and take care of the baby for a few hours 2-3 times a week. That's not a luxury - it's a necessity.

Yep, he's a tool. There are so many advantages to going back to work. I had mine before you got a year's mat leave - they went to nursery full time at 6 months. It was absolutely fine. I'm now a single parent and believe me, my earning power is so much better for having stayed in work continuously. This aside from the social benefits to you of working.

Of course if you work, he'll have to do more of the childcare/housework and I suspect this is what is behind his negative attitude.

So as he’s working he doesn’t think he’s a parent? What is he then?

Paying to feed, clothe and shelter child is a fundamental part of parenting.

@MonkeyPantaloons

I'm currently on maternity leave with a five month old. I've not found motherhood easy, although my son was very wanted, and I'm lonely and miserable. It doesn't really help that DS wakes every couple of hours all night still. He'll throw a night or two of sleeping better every now and then so I have a little hope but then revert back to form.

I'm thinking about going back to work either three or four days a week as I think it would help me feel more like myself. This involves looking at nurseries. DH has informed me he's not keen because he doesn't think I should just give up and give DS to someone else to parent.

He's an absolute tool, isn't he?

Ask him to look after your son for 5 months and see how he feels. I haven't found motherhood easy as I'm not particularly maternal so I totally get it

@ItsGoingTibiaK

Does having a different opinion make someone a cock?

My thoughts entirely. Please keep your opinons on your own child to yourself.

Great, sounds like he's up for shared parental leave then. Tell him to get his application in and you can transfer the rest of your maternity leave to him. Perfect.

I don't see the problem. He can take over as stay at home parent. Sorted?

Yes. Out of interest, has he been doing his share of night wakings and looking after baby evenings/weekends to give you a break? If not, he's not only an utter cock, but I'm amazed you haven't murdered him in his sleep (specifically, when you're up with baby and he's snoring happily). Sounds like you want to preserve your financial independence and keep a foot in the workplace with this one so you can get rid more easily if eventually his selfishness is too much to take.

The one thing I'd say is that combining work and baby is stressful and tiring (it's a lot easier if you have help from your partner but sounds like that's not going to happen any time soon for you ). So give yourself some leeway with your childcare arrangements... Work two days and have childcare for an extra half day or work three days with childcare for four if you can make it work financially.

This is something you should have discussed with him beforehand and maybe reached an agreement to both take time off to parent more equally. Once he realises how difficult it is he may not be so judgemental.

Great, sounds like he's up for shared parental leave then. Tell him to get his application in and you can transfer the rest of your maternity leave to him. Perfect.

This exactly.

What an absolute idiot!

I think you should turn it on it’s head - I don’t agree that nursery is ‘giving up’ or ‘giving DS to someone else to parent’ - but I do believe that I need to go back to work for my own mental health. Either child goes to nursery or you quit/go part time so DS has a parent at home. Unless of course what you’re saying is, only YOUR mental health, wellbeing, career aspirations, parental aspirations matter, and I am just a ‘mum’ here to facilitate those wants and aspirations?

I’d love to know what he thinks if you say that @MonkeyPantaloons.

(PS I went back at 8 months with all of my kids having intended to take a full year. I was bored at home. None of them even remember life before pre-school!)

@TitsOutForHarambe

I don't see the problem. He can take over as stay at home parent. Sorted?

This is a good way of putting it. I don’t disagree with his premise....but he is unreasonable for expecting you to be the one to bend to his will if you don’t want to or don’t feel the same way.

Tell him that's great, it's his turn.

The decision to sacrifice your career must be yours alone.

I would simply tell my OH if he wanted me to do that then we get a post nup in which he agrees to a divorce settlement that would make his pips squeak. All the equity, half the pension and spousal maintenance for starters.

www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay

I agree, 7-8 months was when I went back part-time after both of mine and absolutely it was needed for the good of my mental health.

Incidentally, I have been known to say we are "outsourcing the difficult bits of teens" as they have both ended up at boarding school. (wasn't in the plan at all when they were babies btw). But that's still not in any way giving up on parenting them!! (recent months notwithstanding ha ha!).