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AIBU?

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What can you do about parents who won't vaccinate

395 replies

mirandatempest · 07/09/2020 23:05

I've discovered that three of my friends have not vaccinated their children. I am normally very live and let live but this has really upset and bothered me. I've challenged them all but very gently as I
am useless at confrontation but can these friendships survive? I feel so angry.

OP posts:
Kinny14 · 08/09/2020 12:43

Mind your own business. It’s not your place to question how they raise their children.

MsEllany · 08/09/2020 12:45

No @Kinny14, just like when a parent allows their 14 year old to have a 25 year old boyfriend, or they all do coke of a weekend. No one should ever question the parents!

Pobblebonk · 08/09/2020 12:46

@Kinny14

Mind your own business. It’s not your place to question how they raise their children.
It is OP's business if their children and the children of parents with similar views put others at risk.
Kinny14 · 08/09/2020 12:56

Just stay away from them, your kids don’t have to play with them and the whole coke comment lol that’s completely different and you know it

OrangeJoos · 08/09/2020 12:56

@Kinny14

Mind your own business. It’s not your place to question how they raise their children.
Yeah that shit only works if the decision doesn't have an affect on anyone else. The spreading of deadly or serious, preventable, diseases is definitely not something to mind your own business about imo.
thepeopleversuswork · 08/09/2020 12:57

I couldn't be friends with someone this stupid to be honest. And I wouldn't want my kids hanging out with them. Judgemental? hell yes.

Kinny14 · 08/09/2020 13:11

How is it affecting you? If your kids are vaccinated you’ve nothing to worry about. Everyone has their reasons for doing things in life, calling them stupid etc is quiet sad really. Nobody knows why people decide to do what they do but I’ll respect their decision

Aridane · 08/09/2020 13:29

How is it affecting you? If your kids are vaccinated you’ve nothing to worry about.

Nonsense - vaccination does not guarantee not catching measles etc, just(Very) significantly Reduces the chances of getting it

Kinny14 · 08/09/2020 13:32

Life doesn’t give any guarantees. Stressing about unvaccinated kids is not really worth stressing about. Your kids more likely to get a smack of a car

nosswith · 08/09/2020 13:34

There is a difference between just not got around to it (some people are not good at organising) and refusal. The latter I have no time for and would not criticise you if you kept your children away from theirs as much as possible.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 08/09/2020 13:34

It’s interesting that some ppl consider anti-vaaxers stupid. My friend has a Ph.D so she’s more educated then I am and her conversation is well-informed in many subjects...but not this one. Which makes her attitude even more mystifying to me!

OrangeJoos · 08/09/2020 13:36

As I say it's funny because it relies on other people vaccinating their kids in order to protect your kids.

So essentially what they are saying is it's far too dangerous for their DC, but they want everyone else to carry on doing it so the risk of their children catching anything is lowered by herd immunity. It's utterly selfish.

And it very much may affect someone who's child cannot be vaccinated for medical reasons.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 08/09/2020 13:39

Kinny14 it's good to teach children road sense to reduce their risk of getting hit by a car; it's good to avoid un-vaccinated children to reduce the risk of contracting a contagious disease.

Mittens030869 · 08/09/2020 13:53

It's good to teach children road sense to reduce their risk of getting hit by a car; it's good to avoid un-vaccinated children to reduce the risk of contracting a contagious disease.

^This with bells on.

chocciechocface · 08/09/2020 14:18

@mirandatempest

I've discovered that three of my friends have not vaccinated their children. I am normally very live and let live but this has really upset and bothered me. I've challenged them all but very gently as I am useless at confrontation but can these friendships survive? I feel so angry.

I discovered a friend of mine is ant anti-vaxxer and gone down the whole rabbit warren of conspiracy theories.

The problem for me isn't whether I agree or disagree. I have lots of friends who I disagree with.

It's that there are some views I find intolerable, and which make me question a person's intelligence and character. Anti-vaccine is one of those. Knowing this about her has fundamentally changed my idea of who I thought she is.

I've muted her on Facebook because the stuff she posts is just so embarrassingly stupid. Some of it is also downright cruel.

I think the fact I've muted her is a sign I probably shouldn't spend any time with her.

Elephantday82 · 08/09/2020 14:23

Bear in mind that most “anti vaxxers” once vaccinated and saw their children damaged by a vaccine.

If it bothers you don’t be friends with them - easy!

MoggyP · 08/09/2020 14:30

Bear in mind that most “anti vaxxers” once vaccinated and saw their children damaged by a vaccine

Someone who does not vaccinate for medical reasons is not an anti-vaxxer, and that includes history in immediate family of serious reactions.

We all know some people have been advised against vaccinating for excellent reasons, and it is those people who the herd needs to protect.

It's those who have no reason (other than some stuff they've read on the internet) who are the problem.

WHO published an interesting piece on anti-vax internet postings and how so very many originated from accounts associated was th Russian trolls. This isn't just a few crackpots

Gancanny · 08/09/2020 15:13

Bear in mind that most “anti vaxxers” once vaccinated and saw their children damaged by a vaccine

Most? Really? Because most of the anti-vaxxers I've encountered have not had a child damaged by vaccines.

goose124 · 08/09/2020 15:22

MIL was an anti vaxxer. My dh, her da, got all his vaccinations when he was an adult. And fully supported vaccinating our children. Anti vaxxers are batshit.

bellinisurge · 08/09/2020 15:31

"How is it affecting you? If your kids are vaccinated you’ve nothing to worry about. Everyone has their reasons for doing things in life, calling them stupid etc is quiet sad really. Nobody knows why people decide to do what they do but I’ll respect their decision"

Herd immunity. Perhaps you've heard of it. It protects people like me.
Stupid selfish fuckers. Will that do?

TrojanWhore · 08/09/2020 15:36

How is it affecting you?

It affects everyone who does not want to see diseases, which are mild for many but life changing or lethal for some, back in circulation.

FriedasCarLoad · 08/09/2020 15:42

I'm pro vaccine and often feel very frustrated at anti - vaxxers.

But the idea that it'd be impossible to be friends with one? That tribal way of thinking is exactly how we end up with so many extreme views, because people only really talk to those they agree with.

A friend of mine is against vaccines. She's extremely kind and not selfish. She isn't deliberately relying on herd immunity. She thinks no child should be "put at risk" by being vaccinated.

I don't think I'm ever going to change her mind on vaccinations or homeopathy or hypnotherapy or any of the other stuff she believes which I think is nonsense. But she's not a terrible person, and I'm not so narrow - minded that I can only be close to people who think like I do.

LadySlipper · 08/09/2020 15:59

My son got mumps last March and spent three nights in hospital with it. He WAS vaccinated, and I dread to think how bad it might have been if he hadn't been. He is a teacher and I expect he caught it at school off an unvaccinated kid.

SomewhereEast · 08/09/2020 16:01

I'm ridiculously pro-vaccine in terms of my own choices, but find the "OMG I wouldn't let my DC anywhere near theirs!" thing here mystifying. Wanting to socially ostracise anti-Vaxxers' children, who have no choice in the matter & pose an absolutely miniscule risk to my vaccinated DC in a society where the overwhelmingly majority are vaccinated, is just....weird?

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 08/09/2020 16:02

There is a visceral reason for people not wanting to run the risk of vaccinating their children, even though the risk of damage caused by getting a disease instead is greater.

If I give my child a vaccine and he or she then has a reaction which causes damage, that is my fault: it happened because of something that I did.

If I don't give my child a vaccine and he or she then has a disease which causes damage, that is not my fault: it didn't happen because of something that I did.

That is completely nonsensical when you actually stop and look at it, but it is the gut feeling some people are certainly going to have. Better to do nothing and run a risk, than do something and run a far lesser risk; it's a very standard human reaction, that one, better the devil you know. It is why people go on living on the slopes of volcanoes: it may not happen, and if it does, well, it isn't their fault.

Oh, and "anti-vaxxers aren't stupid, my anti-vaxxer friend is a rocket scientist/Nobel prize winner/best-selling author" is making a bit of an assumption: it is entirely possible for a respected professional to be extremely stupid about things outside his or her immediate field of expertise. Many very bright people are. The phrase is "all that brain and she doesn't have the sense to come in out of the rain." Is your friend's PhD in immunology/epidemiology? if not, their opinion on those is likely to be no better than that of any layman. (And if they are Andrew Wakefield, they have been well-paid to have a particular view and spread it.)

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