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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mil has been complaining about me

106 replies

Mummyofmay2020 · 07/09/2020 22:30

Mil treated me pretty badly until i recently gave birth - now she is civil after she realised dh will enforce boundaries if she tries to overstep and also because she wants to see LO more often. However I've never had an apology and never will as she's that kind of person who will not even acknowledge her behaviour. I've accepted this and know that we will never be besties but i will always show general respect and see her on family occasions etc as she is dh's mum. However she has now started complaining to my aunt that i dont let her see baby enough or make an effort to go over and that shes sad not seeing baby often enough. Very much painting herself as a victim and me as the selfish dil. She will prob do to this with other family members of mine or friends whenever she gets the opportunity. For context I last took baby over about 2-3 weeks ago and would probably pop in once every few weeks. Is this enough? Should it be more? I know i shouldnt hold onto past but it can be tough when someones never been held accountable for their toxic or nasty behaviour.

OP posts:
bedjolly · 09/09/2020 02:03

PP's are correct. No one has the right to see your baby, you are the mother.

Sorberret · 09/09/2020 02:04

Op this sounds just like my mil! To be honest I wouldn't see her at all. She's your dh mum, let him arrange any visits.

doopdeepduup · 09/09/2020 02:22

I used to bend over backwards for my PIL.

Now, I let them come to us, or DH initiate contact.

Needless to say, visits are few and far between. A couple of whatsapps a month.

My DM & DF... put in tons of effort and thanks to Whatsapp/Alexa, the kids speak to them most days.

It's quite sad/hurtful for DH to see the contrast between both sets of grandparents, tbh.

SingingInTheShithouse · 09/09/2020 08:05

I'd be wary as there's things in your post that suggest she is a narcissist. If this is correct, then the less contact with your DC the better, they will eventually play the same games with your DC.

Playing the victim like she is might not even be about seeing the DC more often, but pity me attention for the MIL, which Narcs love

IceCreamSummer20 · 09/09/2020 10:51

@Itsrainingnotmen

Not sure how appropriate a relationship between my dc and someone with zero respect for their dm.. How much of a relationship does dh want between her and dd? Surely he needs to facilitate it to the level he chooses. Not what mil wants. Being a dgm isn't a right. It is a bloody privilege...
Really agree with this. It took me a long time to be assertive enough to voice this and I see OP you are struggling with this too. It is very damaging for a child to have people, whether they are In Laws or whoever, undermining you as a mother. Presumably that you are a good enough mother, then their relationship with your child is not a ‘right’ at all.
MummaBee233 · 15/11/2021 08:17

Do we share a MIL? LOL

Mine disappeared for 5 months and told everyone I was keeping my son from her. Toxic narcissistic batshit crazy women,

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