. . . to pull out of this hen do?

[AmIABadFriendNow]

I'm on the unpaid portion of maternity leave. I have enough savings to get me through the rest of the year with everything I need, but Christmas etc. will be tight and I've been foregoing luxuries for a while now.

Group of four friends - really, really close friends who have supported each other through thick and thin for over ten years. One was due to get married in June but cancelled due to COVID-19. Corresponding hen do cancelled - this was a weekend away with a fun activity, plus dinner etc., for which we'd paid £240 each. This is now being held as a credit with the adventure company and we plan to do the weekend when restrictions are lifted (probably next year).

Friend has decided to go ahead with the wedding at the end of September even though it will be immediate family only. Totally fine, understand that it's her wedding and her choice, as gutted as I am to not be able to see her getting married.

However, in addition to the paid-for weekend that we'll eventually rearrange for next year, she wants us (her close friendship group) to have a smaller hen do before the wedding. This will be close to £150 (probably more, with drinks etc.) I'm also mindful that we'll need to buy a wedding gift too. Another of the group jumped in to say "BOOKED!" really fast, so it's a done deal.

I can't not go. She's a fantastic girl and I really love and value her as a friend. So I guess it's not so much "AIBU to not go" as "AIBU to be pissed off that she hasn't even considered how skint I am at the minute" . . .

I don't want to burst her bubble. She's had a hard year - everyone has, I guess - and there's no point in complaining as it will only sour the occasion.

Basically I just needed to vent . . .

You’re not letting her down.
You’ve already booked and paid to go on her hen do.

This secondary get together is merely that. A get together. Just be honest with her and tell her you can’t afford both. If she is a genuinely good friend and a nice girl, then she’ll understand.

OP, you sound lovely and very considerate towards your friend when you're skint yourself. I hope you come into some money and have a bloody good night with your girl friends.

Be Honest, and the quicker the better.

I know you feel somehow you are 'letting her down', or 'you have to go' but in the end you are not letting your friend down, as you are going to the Original hen party arranged, booked and paid for. Do you not think your duty is to yourself and your baby? A nice happy tranquil person - that's your aim and I think you have enough of your own 'worries' to contend with.
I have heard many people say they went over board for all the wedding arrangements, which seem to go on forever than regret it when they were pregnant with kid 2 looking at how much money they spent - on what? A wedding is between 2 people and their families and non covid some friends - its the day, the ceremony that matters not the frills which will be discarded like the wrapping paper.

Explain that you are not being paid at the moment. If you are not earning she would be unreasonable to think that you could pay £150 for a hen party. What does she expect you to pay with? Dust!?

@Megan2018 I went to my sisters hen do but couldn't go to the wedding ( she got married in Mauritius) and I couldn't go to the wedding party after she got back either

I can’t believe how much money some girls hen parties cost. My friends paid all of about £50 each plus a bit more depending on how much they drank but I had a fabulous day/ night!

If you really can’t afford it then be honest!

URNBU. - find a way to tell her how you are struggling with money generally, trying to pay the bills etc. End with "if only I had a few pounds spare for some make-up/trousers/shoes or whatever. That way she will know the reason is not that you don't want to go but cannot