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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friends wedding

93 replies

Heyahun · 06/09/2020 16:35

I’m due my first baby soon - close friends wedding is also coming up - baby will be just under 3 months old at the time of the wedding.

She’s postponed the wedding a few months - I was unable to go to the first date as I would have been heavily pregnant ! She messaged me the other day to say - yay you will be able to come to the new date now I’m so happy!

Wedding back in Ireland (I’m in U.K.) we will have to either fly home with new baby then rent car and drive a few hours to venue - or we can drive to Holyhead (5hours) then take the boat back!

Am I nuts to think we can actually go to this (husband is thinks it’s unrealistic) I’m starting to think maybe he’s right - I’ve never had a baby before so have no idea what it will be like with a 3 month old doing all that travelling - also have just found out that the venue hasn’t got any accommodation on site so we would have to stay about a 20 min drive away in a hotel - so not able to just pop upstairs for a break with baby etc if we need a chill - so it be a long day.

What do you guys think? Doable or not?

OP posts:

mnahmnah · 06/09/2020 16:38

It totally depends on what kind of baby you have, how you’re feeling a coping. Yes, I think it is doable. People take babies to the other side of the world. But i would wait until you have had your baby to decide. Only you will know if it’s doable for you

FudgeBrownie2019 · 06/09/2020 16:40

It depends on how much you want to go. For someone you're mad about, a wedding with some travel attached won't be an issue; you'll find a way to make it work. For someone you feel a little 'meh' about, it'll feel like a chore. When DS2 was very young friends of ours got married abroad. It was a manic time, juggling pushchairs and feeds and naps etc, but it was also a beautiful event I wouldn't have dreamed of missing despite the madness.

I only ever go to the weddings of people I adore. That way whatever they ask doesn't feel like hardship. People I feel less for, I tell them I'm so sorry but I can't come, wish them a lifetime of happiness together and life goes on.

Bumble84 · 06/09/2020 16:40

I really wouldn’t fancy this. The logistics alone are a minefield, however if it was a great and close friend, in normal times I likely would make the effort. At the moment though, with covid, no I wouldn’t. How many is she actually able to have at the wedding? I’d have thought if anything she’d be trying her best to reduce numbers not add to them.

Is your baby and DH allowed at the wedding? Who would babysit if your baby isn’t allowed?

Pagwatch · 06/09/2020 16:42

you wont know until you've had the baby tbh.
its going to depend on too many things.
when do you have to decide

Original poster

Heyahun · 06/09/2020 16:47

@Bumble84 Currently 50 allowed at weddings in Ireland. It’s a fairly small affair - 45 guests. Husband and baby welcome to attend currently)

Obviously who knows rules could change by then! I’ve family in Ireland as I’m from there! So so could make it part of a bigger journey home and spend some time with my parents too I guess.

I was so up for it but starting to have second thoughts now - I know she will be very upset if we can’t come (but also am sure she will understand too) we don’t even have a car here so it will be babies first time Travelling in a car and it will be a long journey. Had floated the idea of leaving Baby with my mum - but now I’m not sure I could leave my baby at that stage overnight to be honest!

I think maybe as another poster said it may be best to wait til baby is here and see how I feel then.

Only just though too I’d have to sort a passport for baby to travel back - must look into how long that takes too

OP posts:

ketchupandmayo · 06/09/2020 16:50

I took my 4 month old to Greece. Was totally fine. Easier as I was breastfeeding. Baby slept the whole way and wasn't at crawling stage so very easy to keep an eye on!
Totally doable but just prepare to be tired. I would do it for a good friend

SlowTango · 06/09/2020 16:58

Obviously things might be different by then (hopefully!) but I think at the moment you have to quarantine when you travel to Ireland - just another issue to consider

Still1nLove · 06/09/2020 17:02

I flew to Ireland regularly even my daughter was young, usually for weddings or funerals. She was about 3 months old the first time, never had a problem.
That was pre-Covid though. I would probably only go for close Family atm.

Original poster

Heyahun · 06/09/2020 17:03

Ahhh yes I totally forgot about the 2 week quarantine! Eeep (baby brain) that could be a problem for her as quite a few guests are coming from U.K.!

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 06/09/2020 17:06

If you can afford to play it as you are planning to go and then see how it feels/the rules are at the time? If she must know numbers I think she will struggle anyway with the current climate.

jessstan2 · 06/09/2020 17:07

Let your husband do the driving and you sit in the back with your baby. She will feed and sleep in the back of a car as easily as anywhere else. It's doable but sounds as though your husband isn't overly enthusiastic.

gabsdot45 · 06/09/2020 17:07

You'll have to self isolate for 14 days on arrival in Ireland. I really hope her guests are going to comply with this. I'm so fed up doing my best to keep in line with the restrictions and seeing others not bothering.

ivfbeenbusy · 06/09/2020 17:10

Where there's a will there's a way - depends how much you want to go?

Henio · 06/09/2020 17:14

It's totally doable, but I wouldn't have personally gone looking back to when my dd was that age. Plus I don't think i'd want to be around that many people with a newborn at the moment

RedPandaFluff · 06/09/2020 17:16

@Heyahun I live in England and my DD was born in December; in February I took her over to Ireland (by myself) to visit family. It was easy - I was breastfeeding so was able to just throw some clothes and nappies into a carry-on bag and go. I carried her in a sling.

I actually think the younger they are, the easier it is - they just eat and sleep.

As PPs say, though, it depends on how you're feeling, how you're feeding, and actually, primarily whether you want to!

ShyTown · 06/09/2020 17:22

I wouldn’t go, baby or no baby, if it was going to involve quarantining on either end. However under normal circumstances I would personally find it perfectly do-able. We went on holiday to France when DD was 10 weeks and it was really easy. We’ve travelled a lot with her and that was definitely the easiest stage until she hit the point of being able to watch an entire film at around 2 and a half. We also went to a wedding when she was 12 weeks but left her with my mum for the night but she would to take a bottle and was mostly sleeping through (I realise we were very lucky there!).

Original poster

Heyahun · 06/09/2020 17:23

Il be going back and forth regularly I’d imagine so baby will be travelling with us a lot so will have to do the first journey at some stage. It’s just the thoughts of travelling back and then having another journey and a big event to attend is starting to stress me out!

I guess we could go back 2 weeks early and relax in my parents house (husband can work from there) - so We’ll have done our 2 weeks quarantine and also have broken up both journeys rather than doing all at once!

OP posts:

User7312019 · 06/09/2020 17:28

Easily doable at around that age - more easily than if they were older really! Young babies are very transportable

FlamingoQueen · 06/09/2020 17:29

My dd was 3 months old when my sister got married. We were lucky that we stayed in the hotel where she married. I think I was worried about dd creating a fuss, but she was perfect! I felt a big fat frump - but had a fab day.

Thehop · 06/09/2020 17:30

Loads easier at that age than at 2yrs! Enjoy

MsChatterbox · 06/09/2020 17:31

Agree with pps completely depends on the baby. They could be a calm happily nap in a carrier baby. Or they could be a screaming all day one. If its the 1st then it will be so manageable to do.

TheFuckingDogs · 06/09/2020 17:31

They are so portable at that age! Totally doable 😊👍

Fink · 06/09/2020 17:35

Depends a lot on the baby, but I agree with your suggestion that it would be much easier to fly over and settle in for a bit rather than arrive just before the wedding. Go over and stay with your family for a bit, then the journey to the wedding will be a whole other issue and perfectly doable.

Odile13 · 06/09/2020 17:38

I wouldn’t have been able to do it. The thought of travelling while having to factor in feeds and nappy changes would have been too much for me. I was also still not feeling totally healed from the episiotomy I had.

However, I tend to be a worrier, like to be organised and don’t like unexpected changes. If you’re more laid back and take things in your stride you may be just fine! Really depends on your personality and what the baby is like.

lyralalala · 06/09/2020 17:40

If you fly you need to factor in getting a passport

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