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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friends wedding

93 replies

Heyahun · 06/09/2020 16:35

I’m due my first baby soon - close friends wedding is also coming up - baby will be just under 3 months old at the time of the wedding.

She’s postponed the wedding a few months - I was unable to go to the first date as I would have been heavily pregnant ! She messaged me the other day to say - yay you will be able to come to the new date now I’m so happy!

Wedding back in Ireland (I’m in U.K.) we will have to either fly home with new baby then rent car and drive a few hours to venue - or we can drive to Holyhead (5hours) then take the boat back!

Am I nuts to think we can actually go to this (husband is thinks it’s unrealistic) I’m starting to think maybe he’s right - I’ve never had a baby before so have no idea what it will be like with a 3 month old doing all that travelling - also have just found out that the venue hasn’t got any accommodation on site so we would have to stay about a 20 min drive away in a hotel - so not able to just pop upstairs for a break with baby etc if we need a chill - so it be a long day.

What do you guys think? Doable or not?

OP posts:

Flashinggreen · 06/09/2020 17:41

We took DS2 to a wedding in Italy at 10 weeks old, totally doable. He went to my brother's at 3 days old but that was only 1.5 hrs away thankfully.

ParisianLady · 06/09/2020 17:45

Quarantine issues aside this should be totally doable.

I had a difficult birth but was still able to fly at 8 weeks. It's pretty simple when they're that small tbh, and much harder when they're moving about. Little ones don't need much stuff and are very portable.

Sounds like a lovely way to spend a few weeks of your maternity leave: visiting friends and family and a lovely wedding

You will need to be quick off the mark with a passport application (we sent ours off when dc was 3 weeks old I think)

Chickenitalia · 06/09/2020 17:46

Please be aware that due to the delays in getting births registered, there can be a long wait for a passport for your baby. I don’t know if this is a problem for the part of Ireland you will be travelling to/method of travel.

Under ‘normal’ circumstances it would be a fine journey with a 3 month old, at that stage they usually don’t have a routine to stick to yet and lots of people wanting to hold and cuddle the baby so you can eat! At the moment, with quarantine and distancing, don’t know how that might work out.

honeyrider · 06/09/2020 17:48

Babies are very portable at that age. I flew Heathrow to Shannon when DS1 was only 5 weeks old without DH and back 3 weeks later. I did this a couple more times in his first year.

I think the ferry would be even easier as you can just pack up all you need and not worry about weight and luggage.

I agree with waiting until you have your baby and seeing what the travel restrictions will be closer to the time of the wedding.

omg35 · 06/09/2020 17:49

I took DD to a wedding at 6 weeks old although it was a 2 hour drive and not in Covid times. I'd definitely recommend getting a room at the venue if possible to escape to for some peace and quiet or to breastfeed in private if you intend to. Weddings are such long days that it's useful to have your own space

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/09/2020 17:49

I think it's doable. People go on holiday with babies all the time.

I'd be inclined to go if you could turn it into a short holiday. She needs to be realistic about how long you can stay with such a small baby and no on site accommodation though.

12309845653ghydrvj · 06/09/2020 17:52

Not doable due to Irelamd’s Quarantine restrictions surely?! You and your friend could be heavily fined and prosecuted for this!

Original poster

Heyahun · 06/09/2020 17:55

Not if I go home 2 weeks early and quarantine first @12309845653ghydrvj

OP posts:

MintyMabel · 06/09/2020 17:55

spend some time with my parents too

I’d assume you won’t be waiting til baby has grown up before you do this. Might be a good introduction into travelling home.

Small babies are so portable, travelling at that age is pretty easy. But you do need to think about what you need at the other end. The hotel will have a travel cot, but your LO will need somewhere to lay so will you be taking a pram too? To be honest, travelling with the car would be easier but a 5 hour trip for the ferry isn’t great!

MintyMabel · 06/09/2020 17:57

Not doable due to Irelamd’s Quarantine restrictions surely?! You and your friend could be heavily fined and prosecuted for this!

It’s at least 3 months away. Who knows what the rules will be then.

Roowig2020 · 06/09/2020 18:00

Definitively doable. I took my dc back to Ireland when they were 6 weeks old for a wedding- honestly easy peasy! Wait til they're 12 months though. It's only an hours flight.

I've recently just did the Holyhead boat (first time) as I wanted to have my car with me and take the dog. 5 hour drive to boat also but more flexible than flying as you have transport and can bring all baby stuff.

Roowig2020 · 06/09/2020 18:01

You don't need a passport for a baby within the common travel area. They will barely even check an adults passport.

Original poster

Heyahun · 06/09/2020 18:01

@MintyMabel The flight doesn’t really bother me Tbh that’s the easy bit - my mum is going to get everything I need for her house (car seat, pram, cot etc) her first grandchild so she is very excited and obviously hoping we will be coming home to visit regularly!Haha So we can deffo travel light at least! It’s just the long day at wedding, lack of accommodation on site etc - I think il have to wait and see how baby is it when here!!

OP posts:

Roowig2020 · 06/09/2020 18:03

Also you can buy flexible tickets with Irish ferries for not much more, so if quarantine restrictions still in place etc you can always amend your ticket.

Original poster

Heyahun · 06/09/2020 18:03

If you fly Ryanair (Which we probably will) we all need passports @Roowig2020 That’s all they accept.

We could probably fly with a different air line though to get around that - although you still need some form of Id - what can you use as ID for a baby other than a passport?

OP posts:

ShakerCan · 06/09/2020 18:05

You may be able to go. When DD was 3 months old I barely knew my own name and getting to the supermarket was a major accomplishment. See how you feel when your baby is a month old.

Motoko · 06/09/2020 18:06

Wedding back in Ireland (I’m in U.K.) we will have to either fly home with new baby then rent car and drive a few hours to venue - or we can drive to Holyhead (5hours) then take the boat back!

People seem to be missing this. Aren't there guidelines on how long babies should be stuck in a car seat? Either of OP's options involve a long drive.

Can you hire cars with car seats?

Spending the 2 weeks quarantine with parents sounds like a good idea, but would that be allowed? Surely quarantine is meant to be before you meet up with anybody else?

ShakerCan · 06/09/2020 18:06

We flew BA with DD from MAN to LGW a few years back with no passports. Just our drivers licenses. The checkin desk did query it with management but at the time I worked in travel and I’d checked BA’s policies and new they permitted it.

lyralalala · 06/09/2020 18:07

@Roowig2020

You don't need a passport for a baby within the common travel area. They will barely even check an adults passport.

You need photo ID to fly. The only photo ID for a baby is a passport

Peacenquiet2 · 06/09/2020 18:08

Depends. I've 3 DC, DC 1 was a nightmare that never stopped crying and had to be held 24/7, that whole scenario would have been very difficult with her and I wouldn't have contemplated it. Next two DC were much more chilled and didn't cry much, travelled well and were very content. We took DC 3 to Spain at 4 months old for week long holiday and it was easy. Id say wait until DC is here and see how they are and how you feel in yourself too. If your friend is a true friend she will understand if you don't feel able to attend

Original poster

Heyahun · 06/09/2020 18:11

@Motoko I’ve been back to Ireland twice since April - and both times just isolated at my parents house for the 2 weeks. Kept my distance. It’s not quarantine - it’s just that you have to restrict your movements. Ie go to where you are staying and don’t go anywhere else. Rules could change I suppose. Who knows

I believe you can rent cars with car seat these days (although will need to double check)

I don’t think the 5 hour drive is doable - but the 2 hour one to the wedding is - we can stop on the way to take baby out of seat for a bit I guess.

OP posts:

Mumof3almost4 · 06/09/2020 18:13

I've done this journey several times just myself and 3 young kids. Going by car is looooong! I much prefer flying and driving once over there. It always works out though whatever way you travel and you'll probably be glad you went x

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/09/2020 18:14

Don’t know how finalized Brexit plans are for travel with Ireland, but will you need a passport for the baby? Look into whether it’s reasonable to expect to be able to get one in a 12 week timeframe. Agree with others that a young child can be much easier than a toddler. But for,lots of parents three months is where the sleep deprivation starts to feel unreal so might be hard doing the drive, but with two adults that should be manageable. I think there’s a good chance it will be fine, certainly not unrealistic to entertain the idea. But you never know what your baby is going to be like until they get here, so keep plans flexible.

nevermorelenore · 06/09/2020 18:15

With my first baby, this would have been impossible. He was a nightmare at 3 months and I was surviving on about two hours of sleep a night. He also hated the car seat and would have screamed the whole way. It might have worked with the second, although it would have messed up her routine and been a pain to organise. You really don't know what type of baby you're going to get.

Also, there are limits to how long a baby can spend in a car seat. More than a couple of hours of driving might not be a good idea.

UndertheCedartree · 06/09/2020 18:15

It is easier with a tiny baby. I travelled regularly with mine at the same age. Can you wait til you have baby before you make the final decision?

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