Are all teenagers like this?

[GarlicMonkey]

Would like to hear others' experiences of living with teenagers because.... Solidarity? ... Reassurance? ... Misery loves company? I don't really know why but I'm having an 'at my wits end' phase with my lot & I'm ready to throw in the towel.

Mine are boys but I don't think it's limited to one sex. The back chat, the mess, the laziness, the arrogance, the moods, the emptying of the fridge, just everything! Before I had my own I thought people must be exaggerating about how infuriating they are, good grief was I wrong.

YABU - It's just your kids.
YANBU - It's most teens.

I work with teenagers.... it’s the majority!

Yep same here

It is certainly my current experience of having one and my memories of being one.

But it isn't all bad, I hope you can still find glimmers of normality and enjoy their company occasionally. Usually when I'm on my way to bed at 11pm he becomes the chatty and funny boy I adore and wants to chat about loads.

Some mutual interests (possible faked on your part) help. My 15 year old loves 90s hip hop. I was an indie chick so have no recollection or knowledge of this genre but I listen when he talks, i swot up a bit and feign an interest as he's connecting, it counts! Listen to the small stuff, sonthey tell you the big stuff.

And try not to take it personally.

It doesn’t stop in the teens unfortunately.
Cross your fingers that they go to Uni 🤞🏻

Yep mine the same.I just tried to wake mine up as nightmare getting up for school last week so in a bit of a routine and tired later. Apparently it is child cruelty. You should read this its so funny
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3054432-If-teenagers-were-on-AIBU

At this point I can't wait for them all to leave home. It's really hard not to take it personally when you put in so much time/effort/money & there's not even a glimmer of acknowledgement or appreciation.

I know I'm expecting too much. I'll snap out of it soon. Just having a 'woe is me' episode, sorry.

Two teenagers in the house here...

Dd and I get on brilliantly but she has the ability to test my patience more than anyone I’ve ever known

DS has always been a mummy’s boy, he’s hit puberty hard and can be a total arse at times but my sweet boy is still in there and he still loves a cuddle and a chat.

It’s not just you OP, teenagers are the spawn of Satan at times. I think it’s nature’s way of preparing you for when they leave home, I.e. you’re so bloody sick of them you can’t wait for them to go

You didn’t mention the smell

It doesn’t have to be this way. Have rules. Be strict....I don’t know the answer but I have 2 boys and they clean up after themselves, they’re never rude. They’re both nice to have around.

They do both stand at the fridge and eat out of it, but I don’t mind that. The 18 year old is still growing like mad so he needs to eat. They both fart a lot - this is probably the only thing I have cause to get pissed off with

Maybe we’re lucky, maybe it’s because I wouldn’t put up with any shit but in my experience, teenage boys are generally fab.

They come through it. Hang in there, apply effective sanctions for rudeness and keep opening lots of windows. Their brains go weird for a bit, that's all. They are out of it by 25 at the latest. (That bit might not be what you want to hear!)

They do come through it my dd is now 16 and has admitted twice this week that I am right, previously this would never have happened

Oh God the smell.

What is that?

Yes!! Had a blow out the other day at my 3 as when I suggested that they should clean the kitchen after I cooked, I was told it was 'only' macaroni cheese!.. I had handmade the sauce, picked veg from the garden, chopped it so fine that they would eat it without complaining, washed most of the dishes whilst cooking... Yesterday I didn't even have to ask and the kitchen was done with no fighting!

They do become human again. Try to live your own life, they need you in a different way. Don't sweat the small stuff but have a few rules, they shouldn't be too rude

*Oh God the smell.

What is that?*

Hormones frantically trying to exert themselves.

Unless you've got girls, in which case it's loads of deodorant and the latest popular perfume from Body Shop or Superdrug.

It was White Musk when my friends' girls were teens, it seemed like every bus I ever got on reeked of it.

The mess and the moods and the laziness we definitely had.
Backchat. Not happening here.
Clearing out the fridge. Nope. Mine ask if they want something.
Decide what you can tolerate and turn a blind eye to. (I remember being a hormonal teen! Yes it was a very long time ago but it can be a hard stage.) Then set boundaries on what you won’t tolerate. And stick to them.
Plus. This too shall pass!

It’s the misery, life seems so joyless. I really hate that this is the last few years we have with them. There is no fun.

My teen DS15 screamed at me last night. This was our conversation:

Me: Can you turn your volume down on your gaming?
HIM: CAN YOU TRY NOT TO MURDER ME BY LEAVING A CHARGER ON THE FLOOR? I COULD HAVE TRIPPED AND DIED.

No idea what he was going on about. He's like Jekyl and Hyde atm!

A ray of hope tho.. My eldest is in his early 20s and now actually phones me for advice and my 3 teens have all agreed to come out for the day with us today

How do you stop backchat from a near adult? Surely they are programmed to have their own opinion and feel they should be able to voice it like adults.

Do you forbid them to answer back, punish them for it?

@ncailleach

A ray of hope tho.. My eldest is in his early 20s and now actually phones me for advice and my 3 teens have all agreed to come out for the day with us today

Lightatthe end of the tunnel! It's the days out I find hard. I dont want to leave him festering in bed but trying to get him out is a battle but he always ends up enjoying himself. And I do feel like I have a duty of care to ensure he gets some vitamin d

Maybe we’re lucky, maybe it’s because I wouldn’t put up with any shit but in my experience, teenage boys are generally fab.

You're lucky.

Yup. You tolerate it for a couple of years then hit a wall and it's time for them to leave. When they visit after that, you find that they've suddenly become adults and you fall in love with them all over again.

Maybe we’re lucky, maybe it’s because I wouldn’t put up with any shit but in my experience, teenage boys are generally fab

You're lucky.

@ClarencesMum

Oh God the smell.

What is that?

It's unique, that's what it is.