Are all teenagers like this?

[GarlicMonkey]

Would like to hear others' experiences of living with teenagers because.... Solidarity? ... Reassurance? ... Misery loves company? I don't really know why but I'm having an 'at my wits end' phase with my lot & I'm ready to throw in the towel.

Mine are boys but I don't think it's limited to one sex. The back chat, the mess, the laziness, the arrogance, the moods, the emptying of the fridge, just everything! Before I had my own I thought people must be exaggerating about how infuriating they are, good grief was I wrong.

YABU - It's just your kids.
YANBU - It's most teens.

@Lapw1ng there is a massive difference between a discussion or exchange of views and backchat.

16 year old DS here, got the T-shirt, mug, key ring etc

The only thing he isn't really is moody (thankfully!) but yes the back chat / sarcasm / untidiness / smell and clearing out the fridge all apply to him! In fact his brother is back to school tomorrow and I did the lunchbox shopping Friday. I had to read the riot act about what can and can't be eaten over the weekend as DS1 wouldn't hesitate to inhale it all

Why on earth do they smell?

Mine don't smell - they are in the shower at least twice a day for god knows how long. They go through ridiculous quantities of shower gel.

(I am starting to think my offspring are a different species to the ones on here)

Isn't it nature's way of making them independent/ us cutting the strings? Heard an interesting theory that it was teenagers who may have first led us out of the jungle once upon a time, as they're hard wired for risk taking and for bonding with their peers.

I've taught loads of kids who are lovely in school and awful at home- and vice versa. I was a very woe is me, door slamming teen. Ds has hit that stage as a pre teen.

My teenagers were generally great. I, on the other hand, was an arsehole teenager. I think all teenagers have the potential to be arseholes.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Have rules. Be strict

I think it's more important to be fair than to be strict. My kids certainly appreciated my being open and honest. When I fucked up, I admitted it and apologised. I think they a) appreciated it and b) learned from it.

I feel better for reading these. Thanks everyone.

My teenager is a girl.
She's loving, very funny, caring, a fab big sister, all round good egg...for three weeks of the month. For the fourth week she's a completely different girl. Moody, stroppy, rude, defiant..I could go on but you get the picture.

I work with 300 of them and have ones I made myself.

It isn't all teenagers, no. They have their off days and their moods, that's part of the human condition.

In the same boat OP, and at the moment the only hope is uni! DS might be packing for his first term this time next year and I can’t wait! What keeps me going is his part time job which gets him out the house 2 afternoon/ evenings every week, it’s reliable & gives me a bit of a breather. I’ve always been quite strict, it doesn’t stop the constant stream of how things could be better managed / carried out. And we simply disagree, on what to eat next week, my priorities for spending money, cleaning the house, what to put on the telly, the time the school taxi should turn up every day, etc. It’s not rudeness exactly but it is very very wearing. He’s planning a long holiday with friends overseas next summer, part of me worries about it but a much more dominant part of me can’t wait, it will be so peaceful for a few weeks. And I feel guilty about this.

I'd agree with pp too, the times we tell parents how fab their kids are to have the parent almost faint is probably akin to the times we tell parents how badly behaved their kid is and they retort we must have it wrong.

The one thing I know for sure (off on a tangent) is whatever we have at home, is not what they are like at school!

My 17 year old boy is starting to come out the other side unfortunately my 13 year old is on his way in to the pit of doom.

I love them both dearly and they are great kids but at times they have no filter at all.
I love the way they can stomp upstairs saying you are the worse parent in the world and then 10 mins later be asking you to make them toast.

we don't have the back chat, but any sense of consideration for others that I'd tried hard to foster up until now has properly disappeared. Mine is now either lazy or self absorbed (probably both) and so nothing gets done in the house unless I specifically request it, and even then it's a shoddy job. It's not like I expect her to repaint the house - just simple stuff like putting her own things in the dishwasher and wiping surfaces when she's the only one in the house. And her sense of outrage if I nag her would be hilarious to an outsider but sends me crazy.

i think the problem is- other people's teens seem really nice, they visit and theyre all, yes please, ooh thank you- its only when you speak to the other teens parents that you realise that theyre little sods in their own home.

You're medal is in the post @LouisBalfour

They do come through it, DS18 and from 14 -16 ish tested my patience like no other, the amount of food he would get through was ridiculous and the back chat though not often was sometimes awful. Now 18 nearly 19 and where he can still be a bit lazy and messy he will sort himself out, very occasionally will randomly give me a hug and will want to sit and chat. And just this morning has got me some paracetamol and told me off for drinking to much gin at a friends birthday last night, offered me his left over Chinese and gone off to football. So peace for a little while.

They aren't all like that no, but you've pretty much described the stereotype so it's obviously not just yours!
Obviously growth spurts mean they need more food than both pre pubescent children and mature sedentary adults, but the rest varies according to nature, nurture and phase...

I have a boy teen and a girl teen and so far they're easy, helpful, useful, sociable, polite and pleasant (they do eat a lot though and empty the fridge, yes) but we're only at age 15 so there's still time for that to change, plus I've a pre teen and he might not be such an easy teen, only time will tell.

Some of its culture though I think; I don't live in the UK and teens here don't seem to be expected to be antisocial, so they generally aren't... I've never heard anyone reluctant to walk through a group of teens locally. They tend to be politer to adults than other adults are!

I think the bad behaviour at home - like with toddlers - is partly because home is safe, you are safe and they can let off their pent up grumpiness. Plus hormones.
I have been freakishly lucky. Survived (even enjoyed) DSC as teens (found them more interesting and engaging than when they were small). DSS had brief period when 13 of being a bit smelly and uncommunicative, but then fine. DSD has always been a sunny easy going person and didn't change.
DD is quite feisty and opinionated but a genuine pleasure to be around.
I do voluntary work with tweens/teens too and generally find them great fun (occasionally a bit cheeky but not defiant).

It's all of them! Mine is a stroppy so and so and doesn't want to do anything.

I had a lovely one last year for work experience- polite, interested, grateful for the opportunity. And then his dad rang his mobile and he turned into full Kevin mode! Told him he was embarrassing and shouldn't have called. Then sweetly thanked me for my time and told me he'd see me tomorrow! I told him to google Kevin and Perry.

The food intake
The ‘you’re so embarrassing, stop interfering, but can you message Josh’s mum to see what time he’s leaving for college’
The ‘it’s true because I saw it on Reddit’
The unholy smell
The way they chuck the towels at the bannister so most of it is on the floor, fulfilling the ‘hang the towels up’ instruction without actually doing anything useful

Mine are great, most of the time. Lockdown has tested my limits.

DS is 14 and hasn't hit this yet. Sometimes I feel like I'm living on borrowed time and just waiting for it all to start

Their part time jobs have saved my sanity this summer. They are really nice and helpful to other people. And they now have their own money 🏆

Your medal is in the post @LouisBalfour**

Gee thanks.

I don't purport to be doing this better than anyone else. But I get pissed off that boys get such a bad rap on here - from the 'not wanting another boy baby' threads to ones like this - 'all teen boys are horrible and smelly'.

I'm happy to give the other side of the story - my sons eat a lot, they are unbelievably opinionated and turn every mealtime into a political debate but they are also bloody great to have around. They cook, they clean, they're clean and they are very kind and so funny. All their mates seem like lovely boys too (although maybe they aren't at home).

It is not all of them... I have 2 lovely, intelligent, helpful, hardworking teenaged daughters. No backchat here, but the "right on" conversations are doing my head in. They are both earnest, activists with the as yet unbroken fervour of youth. It is lovely and awful in equal measure. Seeing them stand up for and alongside others is wonderful. Hearing the same arguments/viewpoints every day - no light conversation seems to be allowed - can be wearing... still... uni is beckoning both...

No experience of teenage boys, but teenage girls: "the mess, the laziness, the arrogance, the moods" ... I've seen all that :)

@LouisBalfour... think our teens are similar!