Are all teenagers like this?

[GarlicMonkey]

Would like to hear others' experiences of living with teenagers because.... Solidarity? ... Reassurance? ... Misery loves company? I don't really know why but I'm having an 'at my wits end' phase with my lot & I'm ready to throw in the towel.

Mine are boys but I don't think it's limited to one sex. The back chat, the mess, the laziness, the arrogance, the moods, the emptying of the fridge, just everything! Before I had my own I thought people must be exaggerating about how infuriating they are, good grief was I wrong.

YABU - It's just your kids.
YANBU - It's most teens.

My ds is 12 and very Jekyll and Hyde. He can be lovely, great company,intelligent, perceptive, funny...but, he can also be vile...truly obnoxious. The most simple, innocuous question or comment is met by eye rolling, attitude, storming around, it's hellish. I can't relate, I was an incredibly well behaved child and teenager. I only back chatted my mother once and she walloped me so I never did it again.

I work with teenagers. They're all like that.

I don't believe people who say their teens are never rude, moody and never talk back.

Have realistic expectations - their lives won't be great either, remember how awful Uber YY was hen we were young, and teens have so many more issues now than we did - and decide what you will tolerate and what you won't. Let them have a messy room and make it their responsibility - they'll soon tire of it when they don't have an on call maid to clean for them.

Two teen boys here. YANBU!

If they're not gaming they're stood looking in the fridge. Refusal to do anything other than game. Completely lazy even down to their own personal hygiene. Don't care if they smell of BO

I could write an essay on this!!

It does get better. Mine are 21and 19 now and we're pretty much out the other side. You have to pick your battles and don't sweat the small stuff. DS2 was vile from 13-15! Mine both improved when they left secondary school and went to college.

BeyondMyWits - think you're right.

Glad it's not just me that gets worn out by the intense conversations! Dh and I are expected to have opinions on things we know little about - conversion evolution anyone? Democratic socialism? That was just yesterday's lunch!

Can you find something that you both enjoy- to meet in the middle sometimes?
Then the good bits outweigh the tricky bits.

It's very striking how people's experiences vary.
I also used to work with teens as a secondary school teacher, before I had children of my own, and only a very small percentage (less than 5% I'd say) of teens were stroppy, moody or rude in my experience. Most were either just quiet or absolutely brilliant. The smelly or stroppy classes gained a reputation but actually it would usually only be deserved by 2 or 3 children in that class, and most teachers only had 1 or two classes like that - so maybe 6 children out of 200 taught over a 2 week timetable - 3%. That doesn't mean anything in relation to what they were like alone with their parents of course. I'm surprised anyone working with teens would conclude that they're all awful though!

Our eldest once said a very wise thing to her father when he was moaning about the state of her room.
“I don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, I rarely drink alcohol, I don’t sleep around and am on target for very high academic grades.
My room is a bit untidy - do you really think that is an especially dangerous situation to put myself in and worth you having a heart attack about?”
She was right, of course. Her house, at 27, is absolutely spotless.

I read once that the teen years are like the last month of pregnancy, so uncomfortable that you look forward to the next stage

I cant get mine out I'd the shower or fridge. At times, they are lovely and we watch movies, have debates, really lovely kids.
Other times they are convinced they are right, even down to how we should parent the youngest (big age gap) and how they have to have a go at them cos we dont (cos we parent by age and have realistic expectations of their ages and abilities, and they are being a child and doing what children do, whereas the teens just see her as a pain in the arse and have absolutely no tolerance what so ever!)

@LouisBalfour

Why on earth do they smell?

Mine don't smell - they are in the shower at least twice a day for god knows how long. They go through ridiculous quantities of shower gel.

(I am starting to think my offspring are a different species to the ones on here)

It's not an unclean smell. It's just a teenage smell.

Though some teens are shower-shy so it would be BO. To be honest taking several long showers a day just suggests a lot if wanking. Well it would if I let my mind think about it which, quite frankly, I don't.

I actually had a dream last night about going bat shit crazy over all the things described in the OP. You know, all those little things that add up to a huge frustration - i think I was releasing it in my dream!!

Can't actually lose it in real life because they are only (many, many) small things. You just have to repeat yourself in a non-demented way as the majority of teens are nice people, just annoying!!!

I've got two teenage boys and, while they both have their moments of being a bit stroppy and cheeky (one more than the other, it has to be said), they're generally great.

Possibly that's luck but I wasn't like you describe to my mother either. I wasn't perfect, I was a lazy bugger and a bit cheeky at times, but I don't think she'd have put up with what MN describes as a typical teen.

Haha - I'd rather they wanked in the shower than in a sock or something.

CherryPavlova very wise.

I think parental experience of teens depends as much on how we choose to pick our battles as much as what our teens are actually, objectively, like!

I stopped involving myself in how their rooms are kept by the age of ten. If they want to live in a mess it's no skin off my nose.

We have a strict no food or drinks except water upstairs rule which DH and I follow too, and the only other thing I insist on regarding bedrooms is clean laundry is put away and dirty in the wash basket. No friends to stay overnight if there's no room for the camp bed on the floor. Otherwise their room, their choice. Seems to work so far. Teen DD takes pride in her room and it's honestly the only room in the house that always looks Pinterest worthy! Teen DS is messy but follows no food in bedrooms rule, usually follows laundry rules and at worst needs occasionally reminding, cleans up if he's got a friend coming over and opens his window daily. I'm happy with that.

If I bothered myself about the tidyness of ds's room I might get stressed, but why would I as long as there's no food or mugs or dirty laundry in there?

We have 2 boys, late teens. I am looking forward to them going to Uni very soon and they can be lazy (lots of gaming in the last few months) but very little backchat. They can be grumpy but when it counts they are pretty polite and can be thoughtful.

I pick my battles, I say nothing about them going out, emptying the fridge (provided they add things to the online shop so they are replaced). But if they do backchat I swiftly remind them that I'm not their mate on a game but I am their mother and they are to show respect and not speak to me like that.

To add, my teen DS's actually voluntarily cleaned their room yesterday with no prompts. Including vacuuming and they even got a bowl of soapy water to clean down their desks

I have three girls, two teens and a young adult.

They’re amazing, funny, kind, intelligent, polite, respectful and helpful.

They’re also stroppy, moody, irritating, mean to their sisters and gobby.

My youngest is at that militantly annoying stage where she’s convinced she and her peers know everything, us adults know nothing, and they’re going to change the world and do it right. I find her lack of critical thinking frustrating sometimes (no love, just because you read it online or it’s a colour video on YouTube doesn’t make it true...).

But on the whole they’re brilliant, and I love seeing them become adults.

I do pick my battles, but luckily they’re quite well trained and aren’t too feral.

I have a teen boy and one just out of teens and while I can identify with things like the eating- ( food disappears but then they grow at a rate of knots so need the calories) and the testosterone smell years, a lot of the rest I can't identify with.

Mine have been a delight and the idea of them not living at home makes me really sad! They are such good company, funny, intelligent, lively and very loving. They take their turn with chores....
Bedrooms are a mess but so what? That doesn't bother me at all.
I've not had the nastiness/ backchat that people talk about.

With my teens its the ungratefulness; laziness and huge appetites that I struggle with!

Although according to my dm it is a good thing as it makes me appreciate the rare good moments more 🤷‍♀️🤣

It's like having a giant toddler!

Somehow we should know what mood they are are and guess if asking them to do something is at an acceptable time or not!

But on the flip side they still want you there for them the moment they deem it necessary!

Sadly never having been bless with its chic abilities I do for the deep breath and count to 10 option of getting through a day

Psychic that should say.

I've got girls - they generally have different ways of making their parents look forward to them leaving home!

But, yup, one of mine has 'the smell'. It even gets up the cat's nose sometimes. It's not poor hygiene, she just has a strong smell. I crack open her window daily. . .

In general though, although they have their moments (don't we all), on the whole we rub along pretty damned well together, with some good talks and laughs.

Two teenage daughters here (and a younger ds who seems to be a brilliant mood buster for them).
It’s hard some days, other days are lovely. They don’t like each other much at the moment but other than the odd mood swing they are great to be around. They are respectful, use nice manners with dh and I, have good friends who are always welcome here.
They really come to life at night though, want to chat to me at 10pm when I just want to zone out and not talk to anyone
Swings and roundabouts.
I can’t say at the moment that I’ll be devastated when they leave home, it would be nice to have some space on the shoe rack for my own shoes, to have snacks in the cupboard last longer than 3 days, to walk into their bedrooms and not see a ridiculous floordrobe and to not be a round the clock taxi 😂

@Redcrayons

The food intake The ‘you’re so embarrassing, stop interfering, but can you message Josh’s mum to see what time he’s leaving for college’ The ‘it’s true because I saw it on Reddit’ The unholy smell The way they chuck the towels at the bannister so most of it is on the floor, fulfilling the ‘hang the towels up’ instruction without actually doing anything useful

Mine are great, most of the time. Lockdown has tested my limits.

Oh towels... I swear we have more people in our house the amount of towels we get through. I'm even contemplating hiding them and giving them out rations..

I suppose I shouldn't moan too much, means he's good at personal hygiene!

*I work with teenagers. They're all like that.

I don't believe people who say their teens are never rude, moody and never talk back*

If it suits you to believe that, go right ahead.

But if you find all teenagers are like that, it might be worth looking at how you relate to them.

People see what they believe to be true, which impacts on how they relate to the world.