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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it doesn’t hurt anyone else if I don’t send daughter back to school !

96 replies

Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:00

Hi
I have decided to not send DD ( 7 ) back to school next week. She was in the shielding group.
After waiting to see how things go ( numbers in our area are increasing ) I have personally decided she will stay at home and we will wait and watch.
However this seems to cause an offence in any parents asking me if she is going back
“ well we can’t keep them of ever it’s getting stupid “
“ the schools needs to open for our kids mental health “

I could keep going 😂

But I am not saying not to open schools, I am not telling them to not send their children to school so why do they need to justify their reasons to me or make me feel like my decision is wrong !

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 05/09/2020 17:04

I think that you should do what you feel is best.

Personally I sent mine back because I feel they need it, for their physical and mental health and frankly if they are gonna get it I'd rather they get it at school being taught with their friends than from touching the toilet roll in morrisons.

But I think its an individual decision and everyone should do what they feel works for them. After all they wont ve the ones taking time off work to look after a sick child or at their bed side in hospital or calling up a disgruntled manager who havung paid you fir 3 months of furlough now needs to pay you again cos your kid coughed a few times.

kidsdrivingmemad · 05/09/2020 17:05

If your doing it for medical reasons then it's nothing to do with anyone else. I'm sending my back as they need it and tbh so do I.

SkyeIsPink · 05/09/2020 17:06

If she's in the shielding group, it sounds like the right thing to do. I would do the same if my DS needed to shield

Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:08

See her being home is really not a problem. She is happy at home and tbh we are used to long stints in a hospital cubicle. The reason we have decided not to take her is genuinely having to reply on other parents in the school following guidelines over sickness and taking kids in to school.

OP posts:
HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 05/09/2020 17:08

How does your daughter feel about it?Presumably she can't meet up with any of her friends as that would be the same as sending her in.
When homeschooling most parents spend time with the homeschool community and the children still socialise. Can you offer good quality education whilst she's off?
It could hurt your daughter in terms of social and mental health difficulties and hold her back academically but I would understand if she had cystic fibrosis or similar.
Your decision has some real negatives that should be taken seriously as the other parents have pointed out and when you deregister her there is no guarantee she will get to go back to her former school but compared to if it's likely a life and death situation then understandable.

Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:09

I would be interested in hearing from the ones saying I am being unreasonable ?
How comes it effects them ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:10

Thank fully we don’t have to de register :)
So she will be returning to her same schools and we have a 1-1 that would deliver work etc and we will allow in the home at a 2 metre distance.

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 05/09/2020 17:12

I was ready to say you're hurting her but actually I think you're right. If your dd is clinically extremely vulnerable and you can provide an education at home then go for it. Have you contacted the school? They might be able to support you in the mean time before she can go back.

notheragain4 · 05/09/2020 17:13

As a parent desperately trying to get an appropriate school place for my kids I would be quite disgruntled to find out spaces were being taken by children not utilising the education (although less so for genuine shielding reasons of course). So I wouldn't go as far as to say it doesn't impact anyone else. Plus I suppose it impacts the school as they have a duty of care to the children and it will add some form of work to them.

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2020 17:14

@Longestride25

See her being home is really not a problem. She is happy at home and tbh we are used to long stints in a hospital cubicle. The reason we have decided not to take her is genuinely having to reply on other parents in the school following guidelines over sickness and taking kids in to school.
Why don't you officially home-school her then? There are loads of resources available and when this is (hopefully) over there are loads of groups for socialisation too
Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:15

Yes the school and I have been in contact throughout lockdown. The council has already agreed to pay for a 1-1 that reduced the gap from school and home / hospital so this will continue also why she is at home from school. It won’t be long term it’s just the initial stage to see how it works at school and what winter starts of like if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 05/09/2020 17:16

As a parent desperately trying to get an appropriate school place for my kids I would be quite disgruntled to find out spaces were being taken by children not utilising the education

op is not responsible for your local schools bot being any good.

Nor can you be sure that if she wasn't there your kids would be.

Starlightstarbright1 · 05/09/2020 17:16

From my own point of view , i amvery concerned how no school is affecting his Mh

If my Ds had a medical condition that puts my child at risk that would be my priority.

If you have child with medical conditions - you know what you are dealing with and the risk.

Ignore those who are simply talking about there own child

Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:16

@notheragain4
She will still be receiving her school education and long term she will be going back to school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:17

In perspective her attendance last year before lockdown was 30 percent !! So she is pretty used to not being in school.
Her place is still hers !

OP posts:
notheragain4 · 05/09/2020 17:22

@Whatwouldscullydo who said anything about the quality of education? I literally can't get a space within a 10 mile radius as it stands. No it's not the OP's fault, but I'm sure most objective people who aren't trying to prove a point on mumsnet would understand the frustration of trying to get a school place knowing school absence was high?

It will also have an impact on the school, they aren't set up to educate children on site and at home, someone will be doing additional work.

My point is, it's likely to impact someone somewhere, I'd absolutely do the same thing in your shoes, but I wouldn't be so ignorant to assume I was entitled to make whatever decision I like. Be gracious you're able to keep your child registered, remotely educated and be grateful to the teachers supporting you in that. Not write a goady thread and outright dismiss anything that's said.

Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:27

It doesn’t effect the schools education, she has a paid 1-1 fully paid by our council when daughter is in school she isn’t for anyone else other than her and when is off sick comes to the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:29

Im not goady at all, I am sorry you can not get a school for your children. It took us 2 years to get the level of support for DD so I know how tough that can be !
However I just don’t see how me choosing to keep her off for a bit extra to see how safe things are effects anyone else other than us.

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 05/09/2020 17:30

I know all about trying to my kids into a decent schools, my local high schools are crap and between faith schools , church based entry criteria coming before those who live near by and grammar schools we all have to distribute between not so great schools while kids get buses and driven in from up to 14/15 miles away.

But sadly that's a problem with the school system, the fact they build houses everywhere with no thought to how those living in them will register with a dr, park their cars or go to school.

If you fall outside of the admission criteria/distance thats just sadly how it is . Sick kids, shielding kids, disabled kids are entitled to an education too whether or not they can compete with everyone else's attendance targets.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 05/09/2020 17:32

With what you have added your situation and relationship with the school is clearly unique it's not surprising that the other parents can't relate. If you discuss your decision with other people then it's going to be really difficult for them to see it from your view so the comments they have made are hardly surprising as they are looking at your situation from their perspective and it's unimaginable to keep a healthy child off school for any longer than absolutely necessary, at the moment they are focusing on the MH and social needs of their own children. Perhaps don't discuss it.

AngelicInnocent · 05/09/2020 17:33

Very unfair of pp to suggest that you are not being gracious or making out that you are demanding something over and above others.

Most schools are able to support DC with long term, serious illness as it is unfortunately fairly standard.

Doesn't apply to me now as DD is much better and has gone to uni but her attendance at school averaged about 70%. This was not her fault, she spent a lot of time in a hospital bed with drips and drains in her.

Just because you live in an area with high pupil numbers doesn't mean that sick DC should be denied a school place.

Alexandernevermind · 05/09/2020 17:33

Education is vital, but if I were in your position and my daughters life was in danger from this virus I would keep her off too. She is only 7, there will be a vaccine hopefully within the next 6 months, so keep her up to date with maths and English and she'll easily slot back in when its safe.

mbosnz · 05/09/2020 17:35

You've got to act in the best interests of your daughter, and from the sounds of it you are, and being realistic to boot. It sounds like you've got great support from both the school and the council to mitigate negative academic impact on your daughter, so all is good in the hood. I really wouldn't either invite, or care about, comment from other parties who are unlikely to have a full understanding of your daughter's circumstances.

Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:36

The parents at the school are fully aware of the situation so as I said it’s more then acting like I don’t agree with schools opening just because I don’t want to send my child - yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:37

For reference my daughters illness is still going to be on shielding lists and she is entitled to hospice care so you can gauge how vulnerable.
The parents know this.

OP posts: