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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think it doesn’t hurt anyone else if I don’t send daughter back to school !

96 replies

Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 17:00

Hi
I have decided to not send DD ( 7 ) back to school next week. She was in the shielding group.
After waiting to see how things go ( numbers in our area are increasing ) I have personally decided she will stay at home and we will wait and watch.
However this seems to cause an offence in any parents asking me if she is going back
“ well we can’t keep them of ever it’s getting stupid “
“ the schools needs to open for our kids mental health “

I could keep going 😂

But I am not saying not to open schools, I am not telling them to not send their children to school so why do they need to justify their reasons to me or make me feel like my decision is wrong !

OP posts:

Hercwasonaroll · 05/09/2020 18:27

It doesn't effect anyone in the short term.

However as and when she does return she'll need reintegrating. That takes teacher time.

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2020 18:27

@Longestride25

What choice would you make ? Would you choose to send a life threatening ill child in to school to eliminate extra work for the school ? If it was your child ?

Yours is a very different situation to most parents' and I can't imagine any of them would really send their child in if they were in your shoes.

Popcornriver · 05/09/2020 18:28

I was wary as well. Sent them to keep school places but I'm monitoring the local cases. If either had an underlying condition they wouldn't be attending. And YANBU. It doesn't affect other people. Perhaps if there was a vaccine or the virus had disappeared then yes of course it's not fair keeping the school place, but that's not the situation is it

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2020 18:28

@Hercwasonaroll

It doesn't effect anyone in the short term.

However as and when she does return she'll need reintegrating. That takes teacher time.

Which the teacher will cope with just fine.

Emeraldshamrock · 05/09/2020 18:29

Yanbu. Take whatever precautions are necessary for your family.

Hercwasonaroll · 05/09/2020 18:29

Will the school lose out from the 1-1 being in school? Rightly or wrongly they often support other children too.

If she's off role in October the school won't get funding for her at all.

If she stays on role, school may be obliged to fine you eventually :(

Not saying you are wrong at all OP. Just hoping you can see the other side too.

SallySeven · 05/09/2020 18:30

Primary schools round here have new starters every term.

Original poster

Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 18:31

@Nanny0gg I don’t think so either
The school and I have spoke in depth over this and went through the covid risk assessment and yes she could back in to class but she wouldn’t be able to join in on carpet time etc

OP posts:

nosswith · 05/09/2020 18:31

Given the parents know it is a serious illness I find it very disappointing they make any comments, other than if they were to ask how she is from time to time.

Whatwouldscullydo · 05/09/2020 18:32

However as and when she does return she'll need reintegrating. That takes teacher time

Kids move schools all the time. Kids sadly get sick all the time. I'm.sure teachers are pros at settling kids in. And it works both ways doesnt it? Kids also have to get used to new teachers should theres leave or go on maternity leave.

Original poster

Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 18:33

@Hercwasonaroll

No as when daughter is not in school neither is her 1-1 they have 3 other members of staff in class. When daughter is not in school she is with us.
The reason this was put in place is because she can be off school for 4 months at a time.

OP posts:

ChaoticGouda · 05/09/2020 18:33

YNBU at all, op. Try as we might children are going to mingle, as children do, and not even a school that has everyone in attendance strictly following Social Distancing measures would be enough to prevent some cases breaking out.

You sound like you have the support from the school and your own experience in supporting her education at home. If she's happy and safe, if you have peace of mind, and if it's all above board, then you're right: It doesn't hurt anyone.

Hercwasonaroll · 05/09/2020 18:33

Which the teacher will cope with just fine.

I know the teacher will cope fine. But the teacher will have to set aside time etc to do it properly. It's wrong to suggest that keeping them off now is a decision with no impact on anyone else.

I think the OP has to do what she thinks is best for her child.

SallySeven · 05/09/2020 18:33

Yes my one child had three teachers one year.

TheSoapyFrog · 05/09/2020 18:37

I'm very pro kids going back to school, but in your situation I would be doing exactly the same thing.

Hercwasonaroll · 05/09/2020 18:37

Kids also have to get used to new teachers should theres leave or go on maternity leave.

When I went on maternity I acknowledged that there would be an impact on the children. Same with moving jobs, the class/school you leave may be unsettled. This will take time to sort. I don't think anyone expects maternity or a job move to have no impact on anyone else.

Same with new starters, takes time to integrate them and find out what they are like, where they're up to etc. It takes time.

Original poster

Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 18:38

In a weird way I suppose for daughter it’s sort of less drama going back as she is often not in for long periods and then back. We keep in contact with her close friends. They often do little cards for her. Teacher even visits her If she is in hospital.
So I don’t think going back a month or 2 later will have that much impact on DD herself or need extra response from her teacher.

OP posts:

Hercwasonaroll · 05/09/2020 18:39

You do sound in a unique position re being in and out of school. I'd keep her off in your circumstances.

Most decisions we make impact on others whether we want them to or not.

hedgehogger1 · 05/09/2020 18:39

You are doing the right thing. Completely and absolutely

Aridane · 05/09/2020 18:40

@motheragain - whilst I’m sure you’re not an unpleasant person, your posts come across as thoroughly unpleasant. And quite clearly,mute O0 - coping with an unwell daighter whose previous attendance was around the 30% mark - is not being goady

Aridane · 05/09/2020 18:40

Mute OO = the OP

Whatwouldscullydo · 05/09/2020 18:41

Ultimately though you still didnt you?

So I'm guessing that you can kind if see that what the teacher has to do when she gets back alongside say any other new kids or military kids temporarily attending or whatever , or being unable to use a 1-1 fir someone other than their assigned child who you wouldnt have if they left anyway , is not really good enough reason to put her dd in danger

tappbar · 05/09/2020 18:43

Do you tend to make everything about you, nother?

Original poster

Longestride25 · 05/09/2020 18:45

To be honest it has been hard recently our local area general view is covid is a bit OTT and was over dramatic. I tend to feel very very alone it all now and kinda just get a don’t worry about it response.
I feel like my biggest fear is relying on her bubble parents whom some of which don’t even believe covid exists.
We were hit quite bad at first one is the first outbreaks after feb half term it’s not only her catching covid I have to worry about. It’s of the nhs get over stretched in the winter and choices have to be made regarding vents etc there is other reasons she may need one and it’s all very scary as I know deep down she would be never prioritised if they had to choose. :(

OP posts:

Aridane · 05/09/2020 18:46

Well i think yabu for starting yet another thread about how someone had decided not to send their kid back and so what if people comment etc. Just ignore them. Christ if we l started a thread everytime strnagera or people who mean nothing to us really said something wnagtive this forum would be snowed under with pointless threads

Or you could try RTFT about the particular position of a poster in a difficult position with a child entitled to hospice care coping the best she can with her child’s education? Or just scroll on by if you find the thread so pointless —and save us from your pointless comments—

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