AIBU to think it doesn’t hurt anyone else if I don’t send daughter back to school !

[Longestride25]

Hi
I have decided to not send DD ( 7 ) back to school next week. She was in the shielding group.
After waiting to see how things go ( numbers in our area are increasing ) I have personally decided she will stay at home and we will wait and watch.
However this seems to cause an offence in any parents asking me if she is going back
“ well we can’t keep them of ever it’s getting stupid “
“ the schools needs to open for our kids mental health “

I could keep going 😂

But I am not saying not to open schools, I am not telling them to not send their children to school so why do they need to justify their reasons to me or make me feel like my decision is wrong !

YANBU at all.
You're doing what is right for your child given their medical issues.

I'm currently providing work for a child in a similar situation but no 1-1. My colleagues and I don't object to it at all, even if it is additional work. I highly doubt lockdown during this pandemic has been particularly fun for those children and their families, and they're hardly keeping their child off for no reason.

notheragain4 I don't think the OP was being goady at all.
All children are entitled to an education, even those with medical issues and those children are entitled to fair treatment, not be judged as less deserving because someone with pointy elbows thinks their child should have the space instead.

Well i think yabu for starting yet another thread about how someone had decided not to send their kid back and so what if people comment etc. Just ignore them. Christ if we l started a thread everytime strnagera or people who mean nothing to us really said something wnagtive this forum would be snowed under with pointless threads.

I think in your situation, you have a valid reason for not sending her in. Not many children have a condition that warrants 1:1 tuition outside the school environment so I don't think your reasoning can be relatable to many parents. I see no reason as to why you wouldn't send in a healthy child but obviously, I'm only responsible for my own children.

Fundamentally it's absolutely no ones business whether you decide to send your kid back to school or not. Of course they will have opinions, as with most things, especially things concerning kids, as generally people will always think their way is the best way.

I think it is very sensible to keep her off school. I'm amazed anybody is negative about it. It will hopefully only be for a few months and many people successfully home educate their children. I'm pretty sceptical that not going to school has had a big negative impact on the mental health of a huge proportion of children as suggested by some posters. Many have enjoyed not going.

@Longestride25

For reference my daughters illness is still going to be on shielding lists and she is entitled to hospice care so you can gauge how vulnerable. The parents know this.

I'm sorry your DD is obviously extremely vulnerable.

You are doing EXACTLY the right thing for your child

I'm also sorry you seem to be surrounded by incredibly stupid & insensitive idiots. It's just as well they're sending their kids into school for an education!

Maybe think of a standard reply for this line if questioning along the lines of 'No, I'm not, she's very vulnerable and already spends enough time in hospital as it is. We are doing all we can to shield her from Covid as I'm sure you can understand'

Most people wouldn't argue about that & if they do, well, then, say whatever comes to mind - they deserve it!

Look after yourself & try not to give the idiots too much of your head space or energy, they're not worth it. 🌷

I would suspect that they may be feeling defensive because your decision to keep your child out of school a while longer makes them doubt their own decisions or feel guilty that they're sending their own children back.

It's easier for them to feel okay with their choices if everyone else is doing the same thing. That's just my guess... Because as you say, it shouldn't affect them one way or the other.

@TorgosPizza

I would suspect that they may be feeling defensive because your decision to keep your child out of school a while longer makes them doubt their own decisions or feel guilty that they're sending their own children back.

It's easier for them to feel okay with their choices if everyone else is doing the same thing. That's just my guess... Because as you say, it shouldn't affect them one way or the other.

I was just going to write almost exactly this, but it's already been done!

I think people think that your decisions are a judgement on theirs. We have had something similar about our choice to send our ds to school in the next town over. People seem to think by making that choice we think the schools in our town are bad etc therefor making a judgement on their choices but it was just that we felt this school would suit our ds the best not that we thought the others were terrible schools.

I think people probably feel a bit defensive and that you might think they are careless or whatever for sending their kids back.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to keep her off, but I think you are being unreasonable to expect a EOTAS package. It will take her class teacher several hours to put together a week's work. Once they have marked it and provided feedback, it's staring to look like at least half a day of extra work just for your choice.

If the PRU/ Hospital school are going to provide the work that would be a much better solution.

To the lady about another thread. I have not made any posts related to previously infect I only joined recently to join the TTC posts and found AIBU on active discussions, so I am not that clued up on the what not to posts but thank you for your kindness there is not enough of it going around obviously !

Thanks guys yes that was my point it all seems to relate to getting defensive about their choices but I honestly couldn’t care if they do or don’t !

@reefedsail should it have to be one of the other should we have to risk our children’s lives or no education ? That seems a bit harsh against sick children to be honest. Luckily for us the school are willing to support from home with her 1-1.

There are also plenty of websites that parents can sign up to.

All the kids at dds school are signed up for things like sumdog TT rockstars etc so there are things op can do that don't mean the teacher has piles of extra work.

What choice would you make ?
Would you choose to send a life threatening ill child in to school to eliminate extra work for the school ? If it was your child ?

@Whatwouldscullydo
To be honest as I said previously the school does not pay for DD 1-1, she is solely employed by the lea to provide an education between school and home so it probably won’t effect the class teacher all that much but tbf her teacher is lovely and has no issue with the odd feedback / message etc

long

Sorry I was trying to say that I'm sure you will not just be assuming the teacher will spend hours putting stuff together. That the kids are already probabky signed up to sone things at school which like in lock down you can do and they can play alongside their class mates etc.

That it doesn't necessarily follow that the teachers will have piles of extra work to do and that you should send your kid in just so they don't.

People often take it personally when you make a parenting decision different to their own - somehow it's very emotive and people take it as a criticism of their different decision. [shrug]

Them's the breaks.

@Whatwouldscullydo I know I was just agreeing with you haha with extra context !
It’s actually really eye opening to see covid has really taught me how people view less abled / vulnerable people in many ways. It’s not been the easiest eye opener !

I voted YABU because those comments don’t sound to me like people being offended. Just because they disagree with you doesn’t mean they are offended by your choice.

Don't sweat it op

If shes high risk shes high risk and other people's admissions issues and workloads shouldnt make you do something that puts your dd in danger .

I would probably keep my child at home as you are doing, but I would ask for a formal EOTAS package via EHCP, including teaching provided by the local service for children too medically vulnerable to attend school (which every area already had before covid).

I would also engage with Oak National Academy as that is designed for children who need to be at home during this period.

I would not expect/ want work from my child's mainstream class teacher.

@reefedsail

She has a fully funded 1-1 EHCP and completely funded 1-1 from outside who attends school and home :)

However he lovely teacher does make sure the 1-1 knows what they are doing in class and sends works sheets and little notes to DD about how her work is
Mainly I think because she is kind and cares.

I'm surprised anyone is cheeky enough to question you about it! Or daft enough really.