To not want DH to get a new car

[Yellow2576]

There are 2 parts to this tale.

1. We have 2 cars. I drive the larger family car which is 3 years old. I chose it. It’s not an expensive make of car. We have a second much smaller car which is 6 years old, has no problems and is driven by DH no more than 20 miles a week. DH currently WFM and previously commuted to London weekly so second car sat in a railway station car park during the week and at weekends usually does one trip with kids to an activity. In order not to drip feed, second car was bought 5 years ago primarily Because my job changed and the second car we had at the time really was a tiny run around which DH didn’t feel it was safe enough for a 60 mile round trip on motorways and main car was needed for the nanny, which we no longer have. DH and I chose it together. DH wants to trade the second car in for a much bigger car & engine size in a more expensive make of car. Whilst we can afford this I think it’s a complete waste of money. If DH has a job that had a long commute I wouldn’t think this was unreasonable, but at no point in the foreseeable future is DH going to be driving more than 20 miles a week.
2. DH really cant drive. In the 10 years I’ve known him he has driven into a stationary object every year. If we’d claimed for all of these on insurance he would be uninsurable. Fortunately the only one we’ve had to use insurance on was when it was a Q7 parked outside our house that he reversed into, and it was just too much to not use insurance. But we’ve spent £500-1000 every year fixing his prangs. He simply has no spacial awareness......and I have no idea how he manages when he is driving on roads as I refuse to be his passenger.

Anyway, he has found the car he wants and had ours valued as part exchange. Just as I’m Leaving the house today I noticed a big score along the bumper of the second car. I asked him what it was, he said ‘l’ll tell you later’. I am livid. He has bloody well driven into a wall or something that he hasn’t seen. We literally got the bumper replaced a month ago from his last prang.

He thinks I’m mean for saying that he shouldn’t get a new car. I think we might as well put 1000 £20 notes on a bonfire....and then do the same with 100 every year because this new car is going to cost way more to fix than the current one.

And any advice how I contain my anger when I get home, because I just can’t keep it in every time he hits the car on a non moving object.

No advice but YANBU.

Does he accept he’s a terrible driver?

He needs to stop driving. That’s a ridiculous prang record.

I would not want to buy a car to have it used for 20 miles a week. Surely taxi’s would cost less?

I usually (pre Covid) drive about 17k miles a year. DH’s car is 5 years old and I think it has done less than 10k in total. However, he goes to work before i am home, picks up 2 days a week and I drive the kids to a lot of activities.

DH also has numerous accidents, but the do seem to be not his fault.....

Why do you keep fixing every scratch? You're throwing money away, I wouldn't agree to him buying a new car at all

@Merryoldgoat no he doesn’t. The time before last it was apparently my fault that he drove into our gatepost. I was inside the house.....but I’d parked the other car in the ‘wrong’ place ......where I always park it.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. He is being totally unreasonable. I would ask him what his motivation is for wanting this other car. It sounds like he just wants the kudos of the car, but there must be hundreds of better ways to spend the money.

On the other issue, I also am married to a man who can’t drive! We never repair his prangs though and the car gradually becomes more dented and wrecked, but it’s purely cosmetic and doesn’t make any difference to the safety or reliability of the car. I would stop making good the damage to your smaller one as it is money down the drain.

@MeanMrMustardSeed thanks. We’ve got the dents fixed because mostly they aren’t small- like huge dents in the doors. I may say he can get the car (even though I really don’t want to) on the understanding that none of his dents get fixed. He might change his mind then. I don’t even like the car he has chosen, but that’s kind of another issue.

I wouldn’t replace a car without a good reason like needing something different or repairs becoming frequent.

When you do replace his car, I would splurge and get the accident avoidance systems. Dh’s car warns us about blind spots on land changes, has a backup camera and warns us about backups, and even has sensors in the front where the car will stop itself if it is about to crash (though we haven’t actually tried that one)

I agree with Terrace. All the avoidance alerts they have now, maybe they'd cut down on the 'accidents'.

I will admit, I'd be livid about this. What a prat.

Sell the second car. Don't replace it. But him a bike. There is zero reason to have two cars when one is only doing 20 miles a week. Especially when he can't drive!

I don't understand the votes on this 😂 Yanbu to not want him to get a new car, in fact for 20 miles a week I don't think you need 2 cars at all, total waste finite resources and carbon emissions not to mention your money.

I would be more concerned about his driving tbh, what if the next thing he prangs is a pedestrian? (or a child?) Save you r money and he gets a bike (or a taxi). Seriously Op he shouldn't be on the road.

Agree with some other posters, he shouldn’t be on the road. What if the wall he reversed into, because he didn’t see it, was a child? Will it take until he kills or seriously injures someone, possibly a child (as they are smaller and less easily seen), before he realises he shouldn’t be driving?

I was fully prepared to say you were being unreasonable to not to want your DH to buy another car. I love driving, the joy is immeasurable.

However, having read the full post, I entirely support your decision in not letting him buy another car. For someone who lacks spatial awareness to the extent he does, it is better off for everybody that he refrains from driving altogether. If he has trouble avoid stationary objects outside his own house, how is he ever going to drive safely on the motorways overtaking trucks? What about overtaking cyclists or pedestrians when he doesn’t know how big/wide his car is? He would be prone to crashing into and scraping other parked cars in unfamiliar environments, does he always leave a note behind for the victim to contact his insurance, is he even aware that he may have lightly damaged another stationary object?

Getting a taxi or a bicycle much more sensible imo.

Wouldn’t he just use a taxi for 20 miles a week?

Yep l completely agree with you. Sounds like a total waste of money near in mind how little he uses it and the fact he repeatedly crashes his cars.

I am actually really worried about what you say about his driving record. I don't want to be on the roads myself with me and my kids in the car with a person with no spatial awareness who just hits stuff all the time. It can't be limited to parking....

Are you sure there's nothing else going on? Is he cognitively overloaded or does he have spatial issues/some type of brain injury? Sounds quite abnormal to hit that many things each year...

I would not allow him to drive the children EVER or me, and I would suggest he gets an automatic for starters.

You are not being unreasonable! Do you let him drive the kids around?

Does he wear glasses? If not should he?

In your position I'd be very unhappy about him driving at all, i'd certainly not let him drive the kids!

I'd possibly make it a condition of getting another car that he gets an eye test and some "refresher" driving lessons where he tells the instructor what his difficulties are.

Does he need glasses maybe?

Well, a new car with sensors wouldn’t be a bad idea!

I think YABU. A car is a car, whether he’s trashing the current one or a new one, it doesn’t make much difference. He’s an adult and can choose to drive what he likes.

The modern “warning” features in cars now would be really useful for him. You might find he has fewer accidents.

Yanbu, if he goes ahead then parking sensors are a must as he obviously needs it.

YANBU - unless you have omitted to mention that he is on an enormous salary and you can easily afford a new car with no negative affect on your lifestyle whatsoever then it seems like a calossal waste of money!

I think yabu if he can comfortably afford the car but he should definitely get one with parking sensors, reverse camera and all the safety features available.

has these cars never had parking sensors? either get ones already on or your can buy them he clearly needs them-they can differetiate but my ones beep then get fast like a heartbeat monitor and then flatlines if its that close

but no yanbu he doesnt need yet another car esp if its only for 20 miles thats ridiculous