To not want DH to get a new car

[Yellow2576]

There are 2 parts to this tale.

1. We have 2 cars. I drive the larger family car which is 3 years old. I chose it. It’s not an expensive make of car. We have a second much smaller car which is 6 years old, has no problems and is driven by DH no more than 20 miles a week. DH currently WFM and previously commuted to London weekly so second car sat in a railway station car park during the week and at weekends usually does one trip with kids to an activity. In order not to drip feed, second car was bought 5 years ago primarily Because my job changed and the second car we had at the time really was a tiny run around which DH didn’t feel it was safe enough for a 60 mile round trip on motorways and main car was needed for the nanny, which we no longer have. DH and I chose it together. DH wants to trade the second car in for a much bigger car & engine size in a more expensive make of car. Whilst we can afford this I think it’s a complete waste of money. If DH has a job that had a long commute I wouldn’t think this was unreasonable, but at no point in the foreseeable future is DH going to be driving more than 20 miles a week.
2. DH really cant drive. In the 10 years I’ve known him he has driven into a stationary object every year. If we’d claimed for all of these on insurance he would be uninsurable. Fortunately the only one we’ve had to use insurance on was when it was a Q7 parked outside our house that he reversed into, and it was just too much to not use insurance. But we’ve spent £500-1000 every year fixing his prangs. He simply has no spacial awareness......and I have no idea how he manages when he is driving on roads as I refuse to be his passenger.

Anyway, he has found the car he wants and had ours valued as part exchange. Just as I’m Leaving the house today I noticed a big score along the bumper of the second car. I asked him what it was, he said ‘l’ll tell you later’. I am livid. He has bloody well driven into a wall or something that he hasn’t seen. We literally got the bumper replaced a month ago from his last prang.

He thinks I’m mean for saying that he shouldn’t get a new car. I think we might as well put 1000 £20 notes on a bonfire....and then do the same with 100 every year because this new car is going to cost way more to fix than the current one.

And any advice how I contain my anger when I get home, because I just can’t keep it in every time he hits the car on a non moving object.

And you refuse to be his passenger?

You refuse to be a passenger but let him take your kids out???

He has 2 notifiable conditions. Has been assessed by specialists in the relevant fields and deemed fit to drive; the specialists have notified the DVLA. I'm not sure anyone would be prevented from driving based on the bumps he has had, most of which have been in our drive. Offering my view to the DVLA isn't going to aid marital harmony.

Half is irrelevant now anyway. As predicted, escalated into a huge row in which I've been accused of controlling 'his' money (we have separate bank accounts, he earns way more than me ). He conveniently ignores my argument that money aside, the recurring dents are reason enough not to buy a new car. Has also cancelled our weekend away with DC to celebrate his upcoming birthday (not a big one).
I'm packing our bags and won't be here when he gets back. I'm done.

oh dear sorry to hear that escalated

Dp has restrictions on his driving license

All he has is a doctor who monitors his diabetes just writes a letter to say it is under control.
Dp has a small car and knows he isn’t a really great driver so only really goes on routes he knows and doesn’t drive at night.

I am presuming that your dh has never admitted to either of his doctors that he can’t get out of his driveway without bumping into something or other.

@Osirus

Well, a new car with sensors wouldn’t be a bad idea!

I think YABU. A car is a car, whether he’s trashing the current one or a new one, it doesn’t make much difference. He’s an adult and can choose to drive what he likes.

The modern “warning” features in cars now would be really useful for him. You might find he has fewer accidents.

Not if it's family money.

Probably not much help, but he may need reporting to DVLA as a danger to himself and others- what's to say his next accident won't involve a human being?

Also for insurance all incidents are to be declared, whether a claim or not- so he is obtaining insurance dishonestly.

As for a new car- no.

Better he stop driving asap.

Someone with his record would be uninsurable.

So his continuing to drive may be a criminal matter.

As an aside....is every MNer holier than though and absolutely never tells I lie? No-one reports minor prangs to insurance if they can get them fixed easily.

@Yellow2576

As an aside....is every MNer holier than though and absolutely never tells I lie? No-one reports minor prangs to insurance if they can get them fixed easily.

I work in insurance, I always report accidents for my car insurance just as I report symptoms when taking out health based insurance. I’m not willing to commit fraud. Minor prangs also don’t cost upto £1,000 a year in repairs.

@Yellow2576 I don't think that anyone has ever reported a tiny dent or scrape from a gate post to their insurers unless we're talking a brand new top of the range pristine motor worth tens of thousands maybe? I think a lot of people are talking out of their arses here.

I do agree with you that your H should not be wasting family money on what will essentially be a driveway ornament that gets dented and damaged on a regular basis for no sodding reason.

Nah you're right op. If he hasn't hit another car the insurance wouldn't care anyway. (Worked in this field for 20 years) Youd be an idiot to report every time he hits a stationary object. Sorry to hear it escalated op but as ever the car is just one symptom which uncovers a less than healthy relationship.

To be honest, his reasoning for the first car change seems pretty spurious too. Small cars are perfectly safe to do 60mile trips - in fact, a car is either afar to drive or it isn't.

God, sorry to hear it escalated so badly.

I do think that some people really underestimate how tough it can be to live with someone with such a stubborn mindset.

Why does he want a bigger, fancier car? Is he trying to impress someone?

@SimonJT Minor prangs also don’t cost upto £1,000 a year in repairs

I’m going to assume you haven’t had many dents fixed. Bumper into wall £700, car door on gate post £600. Both looked pretty minor. Repainting the door cost £500 without actually having the dent fixed. I got 3 quotes for each. Really doesn’t take much to get to £1000 in car repairs.

@thecatsthecats, thank you

Feel you op this is the way it would have gone down in my house. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Sorry it's escalated. Shitty thing to do canceling the weekend. Have you left? What was the money situation and where you being treated fairly financially?

I’d personally get him a car with safety sensors. Driving an old unsafe car isn’t going to be any good. It’s his money. Also if he has conditions, could he not get PIP to help defray costs if his small scrapes and dings?

It’s really not fair that a disability means he has to drive an old beaten up car while you get the newer larger car.

You won't travel with him but let him drive the children? I think he should be allowed to have a nicer car if he wants one.
I can see we are now passed that point of the discussion however.

It’s really not fair that a disability means he has to drive an old beaten up car while you get the newer larger car

It is only beaten up because he made it beaten up.

He isn’t going to suddenly stop crashing into things with a newer car. All he will have is a more expensive beaten up car.

@Oliversmumsarmy

It’s really not fair that a disability means he has to drive an old beaten up car while you get the newer larger car

It is only beaten up because he made it beaten up.

He isn’t going to suddenly stop crashing into things with a newer car. All he will have is a more expensive beaten up car.

Many disabled drivers beat up their cars and they get new ones through PIP motability scheme. It’s ableist to say the DH cannot spend his own money on a newer and safer car because his conditions mean he can’t keep it in pristine condition.

So according to some posters op you nees to budget for a new car every month for your dh so the poor bloke can drive a new unbattered car at all times.
They stationary items he hits may one day be a dc...
He needs to be off the bloody road at all times imo.

Well it seems as though things have moved on a bit so this advice might be useless to you, but what I was going to suggest was that both of you agree a reasonable level of cost for both of your cars, and those costs come out of the joint bills account / general spending. If either of you want to spend more than that on your vehicle the cost should come out of your discretionary personal spending (of which you should both get the same amount, after all bills and savings etc are accounted for). So if he wants a fancier car he can have it but he pays for it himself and thereby foregoes whatever else he would have spent his share of the discretionary income on ...