To not want DH to get a new car

[Yellow2576]

There are 2 parts to this tale.

1. We have 2 cars. I drive the larger family car which is 3 years old. I chose it. It’s not an expensive make of car. We have a second much smaller car which is 6 years old, has no problems and is driven by DH no more than 20 miles a week. DH currently WFM and previously commuted to London weekly so second car sat in a railway station car park during the week and at weekends usually does one trip with kids to an activity. In order not to drip feed, second car was bought 5 years ago primarily Because my job changed and the second car we had at the time really was a tiny run around which DH didn’t feel it was safe enough for a 60 mile round trip on motorways and main car was needed for the nanny, which we no longer have. DH and I chose it together. DH wants to trade the second car in for a much bigger car & engine size in a more expensive make of car. Whilst we can afford this I think it’s a complete waste of money. If DH has a job that had a long commute I wouldn’t think this was unreasonable, but at no point in the foreseeable future is DH going to be driving more than 20 miles a week.
2. DH really cant drive. In the 10 years I’ve known him he has driven into a stationary object every year. If we’d claimed for all of these on insurance he would be uninsurable. Fortunately the only one we’ve had to use insurance on was when it was a Q7 parked outside our house that he reversed into, and it was just too much to not use insurance. But we’ve spent £500-1000 every year fixing his prangs. He simply has no spacial awareness......and I have no idea how he manages when he is driving on roads as I refuse to be his passenger.

Anyway, he has found the car he wants and had ours valued as part exchange. Just as I’m Leaving the house today I noticed a big score along the bumper of the second car. I asked him what it was, he said ‘l’ll tell you later’. I am livid. He has bloody well driven into a wall or something that he hasn’t seen. We literally got the bumper replaced a month ago from his last prang.

He thinks I’m mean for saying that he shouldn’t get a new car. I think we might as well put 1000 £20 notes on a bonfire....and then do the same with 100 every year because this new car is going to cost way more to fix than the current one.

And any advice how I contain my anger when I get home, because I just can’t keep it in every time he hits the car on a non moving object.

I'd get him assessed for early onset dementia. What sane rational human would ignore reality to that extent.

PlanDeRaccordement*

I was quoting from a pp who mentioned disability in the sentence.

I answered about the beaten up car part.
Nowhere did I say it was about his disability.

This isn’t about being disabled

If anyone is crashing into things as often as ops dh then they should really consider whether driving is for them.

One day the stationary object in the driveway could be one of the children.

He really shouldn’t be behind the wheel of any car let alone a bigger and presumably more powerful “killing machine”

Seems like things have moved on a bit, and I don't blame you for walking away. My earlier post wasn't intended to be holier than thou about declaring dings and bumps, I think most of us have not bothered to declare an inconsequential bump in our time. My point was that if his being honest with the insurance company makes him uninsurable then thats pretty concerning, and I'd question whether he should be driving at all.

@PlanDeRaccordement It isn’t ableist to suggest a dangerous driver shouldn’t drive. My boyfriend has a physical disability, if you put him in a manual car he would be a dangerous driver like the OPs partner. Preventing him from driving a manual isn’t ableist, its preventing someone misusing a dangerous weapon.

[quote SimonJT]@PlanDeRaccordement It isn’t ableist to suggest a dangerous driver shouldn’t drive. My boyfriend has a physical disability, if you put him in a manual car he would be a dangerous driver like the OPs partner. Preventing him from driving a manual isn’t ableist, its preventing someone misusing a dangerous weapon.[/quote]
That’s not what I was saying at all. The driver has been assessed as fit to drive by medical experts via the DVLA process. It’s not up to MNers to decide he’s not fit to drive on the basis of him occasionally scraping a door or bumping into a gate post.

The ableism comes into play because you’re going against medical experts that say he is fit to drive AND saying because he is disabled so bumps into things slightly now and then he doesn’t deserve a newer car. I don’t mean a brand new car all the time, but surely it’s nit wrong to want to exchange a six year old car for something safer and newer. Especially something with sensors that would actually help him work around his disability.

@Oliversmumsarmy

PlanDeRaccordement*

I was quoting from a pp who mentioned disability in the sentence.

I answered about the beaten up car part.
Nowhere did I say it was about his disability.

This isn’t about being disabled

If anyone is crashing into things as often as ops dh then they should really consider whether driving is for them.

One day the stationary object in the driveway could be one of the children.

He really shouldn’t be behind the wheel of any car let alone a bigger and presumably more powerful “killing machine”

He’s already been assessed by medical experts via the DVLA process and deemed fit to drive, so that’s the presumption I am working under. Not the speculation he’s not fit to drive based on fuck all except ableism.

@PlanDeRaccordement I've seen some tenuous accusations of ableism on MN but this bites the biscuit. Sorry if that's ableist towards people without functioning jaws or with eating disorders.

[quote roarfeckingroarr]@PlanDeRaccordement I've seen some tenuous accusations of ableism on MN but this bites the biscuit. Sorry if that's ableist towards people without functioning jaws or with eating disorders.[/quote]
Its bonkers isn’t it. My boyfriend according to the DVLA can drive a manual vehicle, if he did drive one it would be hugely unsafe due to his disability.

Yanbu. Surely you don’t need a second car at all? Although the second one might be just worth hanging on to for now.
A few years ago we made a choice to go down to being a one car family and it’s worked really well and we’ve saved a fortune on insurance and servicing etc

He’s a fucking liability so no way would I be agreeing he should get a new, more expensive car.

Are you ok OP?

Sorry to read that this escalated so much. Do you have somewhere that you can go? How old are the dcs?

If he’s a crap driver the last thing you want is him behind the wheel of a more powerful car.

You should also be aware that a failure to report an accident even if you aren’t looking to claim under your own policy can void your insurance if that ever came to light.

Hope you're OK op.

Before you left the house though, I'd have been emailing his insurance company any evidence I had of his previous accidents so they can investigate him. Once his premium sky rockets, he won't be able to afford his big car.

[quote roarfeckingroarr]@PlanDeRaccordement I've seen some tenuous accusations of ableism on MN but this bites the biscuit. Sorry if that's ableist towards people without functioning jaws or with eating disorders.[/quote]
I was accused of ableism yesterday and post deleted because i said that people with disabilities can spread COVID as readily as those without. Which is true.

Um, medical experts aren't the only opinion that matters when it comes to who is capable of safe driving and who isn't.

Common sense comes into play. Clearly the OP's husband is incapable of being a reliably safe driver, for whatever reason.

Sounds like there are many issues similar to the car one. I hope you and the DC are ok.

@PlanDeRaccordement I've never read such shite!
So a person is perfectly entitled to bump and scrape a car into things because they're disabled? A gate post here, a wall there, someone's car in a car park maybe and perhaps a toddler eventually?! And to tell them no is what? Disablist now?

If a disability means that he is regularly hitting things with his car HE SHOULD NOT BE DRIVING nor should anyone else.

Oh and I HIGHLY doubt that when declaring his actual disabilities to the DVLA/assessors that he also mentioned that he regularly bangs the car into stationary objects. The DVLA make their decisions on what they're told and what their computer says.

Whatever car he gets he needs parking sensors and a reversing camera!

Why not suggest taking an Advanced Driving Test? This is likely to appeal to the male ego (always important) and may well be useful

[quote ChesterDrawsDoesntExist]@PlanDeRaccordement I've never read such shite!
So a person is perfectly entitled to bump and scrape a car into things because they're disabled? A gate post here, a wall there, someone's car in a car park maybe and perhaps a toddler eventually?! And to tell them no is what? Disablist now?

If a disability means that he is regularly hitting things with his car HE SHOULD NOT BE DRIVING nor should anyone else.
[/quote]
No. But a person with disabilities is not unheard of to bump an inanimate object once a year or so, which is what the OPs DH is doing.

And yes, telling them no they can’t drive us ableist because the medical professionals and DVLA know about this AND have deemed him fit to drive. It’s just your ableism that is demanding a perfect never get a scratch on the car standard.

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist

Oh and I HIGHLY doubt that when declaring his actual disabilities to the DVLA/assessors that he also mentioned that he regularly bangs the car into stationary objects. The DVLA make their decisions on what they're told and what their computer says.

No DVLA make their decision based on what the doctors tell them. Nit what the applicant says.

@tornadoalley

Whatever car he gets he needs parking sensors and a reversing camera!

Yes, with adequate tools he may never bump into a gatevpost again. The OP is denying him adequate accommodation for his disability that would allow him to drive with out ever bumping into things. He only does it once a year by her posts, so regularly he doesn’t bump into things anyway. 364 days of the year he drives perfectly well, it is just the one day a year he bumps a post or scrapes the side of the car.

Have people not noticed that the OP refuses to travel as a passenger with DH, yet she lets him drive the children to an activity once a week! Presumably they have no choice?