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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of all the boy bashing threads?

114 replies

Prettybluepigeons · 05/09/2020 12:07

Angry Honest to god, if I have to read one more thread from someone feeling 'sad or ' so disappointed ' that they are unfortunate enough to be be carrying a healthy male child, I will go pop! Ffs! Can you Imagine if it was the other way round and there were loads of threads expressing disappointment at girls?

Never getting to go shopping/for spa days/be a mother of a bride! So fucking what!!

Be thankful for what you get and create the relationship you want!

OP posts:
Namechangearoo · 05/09/2020 13:16

What a nasty thread. Have the balls to comment on the original thread that annoyed you and don’t be so PA.

My daughter was stillborn and when I found out I was pregnant again, I was absolutely desperate for another girl. I know I’d have had a really hard time coming to terms with a boy (I already have one lovely DS). So it’s definitely not just about “being grateful for a healthy baby”, that goes without saying. The feeling of gender disappointment is real and uncontrollable, so to be so horrible about it is small-minded. Just because you haven’t felt it doesn’t mean people who do are lesser.

Flynn2019 · 05/09/2020 13:17

It is terrible that we live in a world where the word disappointment is even mentioned when it comes to having a child. I am a mum to a little boy and have another baby on the way. Don't know the gender yet but honestly couldn't care less. I struggle to see how anyone would be disappointed with a little boy as mine is that great he made me want another! All children are amazing

tara66 · 05/09/2020 13:17

Never seen that at all. Not true.

gypsywater · 05/09/2020 13:19

Exactly, challenge the poster (for having her own opinion Hmm) on her own thread if you so desire, dont create another thread purely to have a bash.

liveitwell · 05/09/2020 13:19

Gender disappointment is real and valid.

The reason why you read it's more boys is because we are a bunch of women. If this was a male forum you'd have the opposite.

Often women want a girl to relate to. There's nothing abnormal about that.

Stop minimising people's feelings FFS and get off your high horse.

Cheeeeislifenow · 05/09/2020 13:20

Ffs, people are allowed to feel differently to you. This is the equivalent of saying to someone with chronic depression, "what have you got to be miserable about?" It's not helpful. For me gender disappointment was because I longer for a mother daughter closeness I never had and I am sad that I didn't experience that ad a child and now as an adult with my own non existent dd. It has fuck all to do with girlie bulk shit and is deeply rooted in my traumatic Childhood with my mother.
Op no one asked you to understand. What you can do though is to be compassionate.

WellThisWentWell · 05/09/2020 13:22

For those who think MN is ”anti men”,
do you not see the countless threads where women are bashed?

From female friends to school moms to mils to unborn baby girls?
Get a grip!

Friendsoftheearth · 05/09/2020 13:22

I think it is perfectly valid and honest to own your disappointment. If you dream of spa days, shopping and spending time with your dd then that is totally fine. You may or may not find that to be the reality (some girls hate shopping for instance) but I don't think you can get angry with people that are honest about their feelings, are they supposed to pretend they are not real? I am glad we can post on here and be open about every part of parenting.

You are being completely U!

DeliciouslyFemale · 05/09/2020 13:22

Get over yourself, OP. I’m bloody sick of people judging mothers for every fucking thing they say and do. If the OP had said she was over the moon about having a boy, people would still yap on about it. Women are allowed to have an opinion on how they feel. This judgemental crap forces pregnant women to keep their opinion to themselves and that’s not helpful for their mental health. I’m speaking as someone who has no ever given birth, but I still feel that I have more empathy for pregnant women than you.

DeliciouslyFemale · 05/09/2020 13:23

If the OP, in the original thread, had said she was over the moon about having a boy, people would still yap on about it.

Rachie1973 · 05/09/2020 13:25

Spiteful thread.

The lady on the thread you’re referring to never once commented about not wanting her baby boy, just that’s she’s sad she’ll never have a boy.

Have the guts to comment on the original instead of starting your own nasty post.

I experienced gender disappointment with my second baby. I wanted a girl. I had a boy already. I didn’t want him any less though because of that, and he’s absolutely a gorgeous strapping 24 year old now.

All feelings are valid and acceptable.

bedjolly · 05/09/2020 13:26

I personally wanted a boy and that's what I ended up with 😆 I think whatever life decides to give people should be happy with. It was meant to be. 💙👶

Rachie1973 · 05/09/2020 13:27

*never have a girl

EvilPea · 05/09/2020 13:28

I think we (as in society) put such pressure on kids to conform to their gender, it’s not healthy. It starts with the gender disappointment as you say, because they are a girl or a boy they will be x y z.

JaneJeffer · 05/09/2020 13:29

These days there's a good chance they'll eventually decide to be a girl anyway

Namechangearoo · 05/09/2020 13:30

The people who think gender disappointment is deplorable always seem to feel so superior - I can assure them that they’ll definitely have thought process that the rest of us feel very Hmm about.

EDSGFC · 05/09/2020 13:30

YANBU

I really don't understand the concept of gender disappointment. What are the underlying reasons behind it? Any child is a unique human being, they shouldn't exist in order to fulfill some need in a parent and how does that disappointment disappear? I think anyone who has such strong feelings about something so fundamental should reconsider having children - imagine being that child and knowing you were a disappointment before you were ever born. I find those threads so very sad.

Cheeeeislifenow · 05/09/2020 13:32

@EGDFSC

Is that how you speak to people who have pre or post natal depression?

Flaggyyyyyy · 05/09/2020 13:35

There was a thread the other week asking for people's experiences of having a boy and people were up in arms about that too because people were posting nice things about having boys and apparently it was girl bashing. Seems people can't win 😂

wildcherries · 05/09/2020 13:36

The sexist bullshit that leads people to think a daughter will do certain stereotypical things makes me sick. It so so stupid I’m embarrassed for them.

This, very much.

PCol · 05/09/2020 13:36

These days there's a good chance they'll eventually decide to be a girl anyway

ha! I was thinking the same thing! Gender is fluid now, remember, so you.can have any flavour kid you want!

but that's another set of threads for the OP much further down the line ....

And like all that, the reasons behind it and gender disappointment are the same and very simple: out of date and unrealisticn gender stereotyping and unrealistic and unfair expectations about what women and men can/should be doing with their lives. Time to move on I say.

ancientgran · 05/09/2020 13:37

@kaleishorrid I know the feeling but I'm from an Irish family born in the 50s and I was a terrible disappointment as the 2nd girl. It is bizarre isn't it but not as bad as my poor mother born in the 20s. She was a twin and the boy died at birth, on being told the news her loving grandmother said it was a shame it was the boy that died! Well I can understand it's a shame the boy died as it would be ideal if both lived but to actually wish the girl was dead seems a tad extreme.

PCol · 05/09/2020 13:38

OP of the other thread I should say. We should really merge them 😄

NewMinouMinou · 05/09/2020 13:40

[quote ancientgran]@kaleishorrid I know the feeling but I'm from an Irish family born in the 50s and I was a terrible disappointment as the 2nd girl. It is bizarre isn't it but not as bad as my poor mother born in the 20s. She was a twin and the boy died at birth, on being told the news her loving grandmother said it was a shame it was the boy that died! Well I can understand it's a shame the boy died as it would be ideal if both lived but to actually wish the girl was dead seems a tad extreme.[/quote]
Bloody hell. That is awful.

Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 05/09/2020 13:41

Haven't rtft or seen what @Tatatatata wrote on her thread. It sounds like OP's thread is maybe poorly timed (as Tatata would be equally disappointed to never gave a son), but there is no denying that 9/10 gender disappointment threads on here are by women who are expecting a son. Just Google gender disappointment Mumsnet.

@Duggeeismysaviour Why can't people feel the way they feel without pissing you off so much OP? I can't answer for OP, but as the mother of a boy, I can say it gets bloody tedious to constantly hear people are disappointed for being in the same situation as me. Basically, it's like constantly being told that the person you love more than anything in the world is lesser and disappointing. It gets a bit hurtful after a while.