Page 2 | To be sick of all the boy bashing threads?

OwlBeThere · 05/09/2020 12:48

I’ve seen it happen both ways. I don’t think it’s especially boys that get it worse. I have 2 of each, they’re all a fucking nightmare at times. 🤷🏼‍♀️

MintyMabel · 05/09/2020 12:50

very much in touch with his feminine side, always putting on dresses’. Where was a three year-old getting dresses to fit him?

In the nursery dress up box? It wasn’t at all unusual to find boys wearing princess dresses when I went to pick up DD.

Tatatatata · 05/09/2020 12:52

I have seen the odd thing where the mother is disappointed at finding out she is having a boy which I think is quite sad

As this is clearly a thread about my thread I'll clarify.

I am not disappointed that I am having a boy.

I am sad that as this is likely my only child, I will never have the chance to have a daughter. I am not sad that I am having a son. I am sad that I likely won't ever have another child meaning I won't ever have the opportunity to have a girl.

I would likely have felt the same way if this child was a girl. Sad that I won't ever experience having a son because this will be my only child.

Ideally I'd like to experience both but I know due to my situation that won't ever happen for me and it makes me a bit sad.

I am not bashing boys FFS.

Lozz22 · 05/09/2020 12:52

YADNBU gender disappointment posts always rile me. After 4 losses Both me and my DP would be happy with either,

Duggeeismysaviour · 05/09/2020 12:53

Why can't people feel the way they feel without pissing you off so much OP? They often acknowledge they are being silly but cannot help themselves. I'm guessing you have feelings and opinions on things that others would disagree with. I really couldn't care less about gender disappointment threads, the OPs opinions (which I dont disregard) hardly impact me and my children's lives. Will you not stop with your rage until everyone is on exactly the same page as you about everything? Or perhaps they should never ever ever speak of their feelings on an anonymous forum that invites such interactions

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/09/2020 12:54

I only had dds but I hate shopping and would run a mile from spa days! And my dd1 was never remotely girly.

Any commiserations I ever received about dd2 were invariably, ‘Never mind, maybe it’ll be a boy next time,’ etc.
There never was a next time, and if there ever had been it would have been because I was broody for another baby, any baby - dh and I were very happy with our 2 lovely dds.

KeepingPlain · 05/09/2020 12:57

I don't get why women would want a girl. Don't they remember what they were like growing up? Imagine having to deal with the highly hormonal teenage girl who's started getting periods and is learning to deal with them? God no.

Sarcasm obviously. There's sometimes complications raising either gender. Although I do like winding my partner up and telling him we are having a son because then it's his job to raise him, not mine.

Leobynature · 05/09/2020 12:58

I’ve experienced gender disappointment and it’s real, hard and ugly. Not all feelings are pretty. Human feelings are complex, you can be happy and grateful to be pregnant however have a preference towards a particular gender. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent.
These kind of threads shame women who feel gender disappointment and stops them from seeking support. For many women feelings of gender disappointment could cause PND, it’s important that women are able to discuss their feelings without shame or guilt.

PCol · 05/09/2020 13:01

YADNBU OP. I find these baby sex disappointment threads pathetic. People should be happy to have a healthy baby when so many co not or cannot.

It's all based on nonsensical, out of date, ridiculous gender stereotypes as well like only boys play football and only girls like shopping. It makes me sad that so many children are still being born and bought up like that.

To the poster clarifying about the other thred, I'm sure you will think I'm being unecesarily harsh but I have older children and have been on MN for coming up for 20 years and these threads come up with depressing regularity. Please be happy you are pregnant and having a child, especially if you have a medical condition, that really should be enough. The babies sex doesn't matter and there is no need to "try" one of each. There's actually very little difference in teh early days and you might easily have a son who loves shopping trips and who will have a really close relationship with you.

gypsywater · 05/09/2020 13:02

OP clearly pissed deep down that she didnt have a girl

Tatatatata · 05/09/2020 13:02

I'm not arsed about shopping trips for goodness sake. I've never once mentioned spa days or shopping trips. That's all posters here and this OP.

PCol · 05/09/2020 13:04

also, they are always disappointment about boys. in all that time I've never seen a thread say "to be disappointed I'm having a girl/will never have a son"

We need to ask ourselves, as a society, why that is. No wonder there are so many toxic males out there.

You thread really should have and could have said "to be disappointed I can only have 1 child" or 'that my son won't have a sibling" that would be much more understandable to me.

CanICelebrate · 05/09/2020 13:06

YANBU

Advicewouldbeappreciated · 05/09/2020 13:07

I was and am disappointed my last child is a boy. I deep down thought girl, wanted girl and still if I could guarantee a girl would have one.
I love him though it took time and I mean years.
I can't say where the feeling comes from but it is very real and not intended to piss off the OP or anyone struggling with infertility.
I felt it so strongly in pregnancy that although I wouldn't have terminater, if I could have undone the pregnancy and had another go I would have.
For me it was strongly linked to very poor mental health. I now choose to value him and his achievements as the perfect thing he is. Back then I couldn't choose because I was ill.
I worked hard on it, forced loving behaviour, attended groups, played with him when I didn't want to and so on. My psychologist said it isnt the feeling but the actions which count. I think this is true.
It is necessary to verbalize our distress to make sense of it.
You are being totally unreasonable to judge others. You haven't been in others shoes.

Frogsandsheep · 05/09/2020 13:08

For quite personal reasons, the other thread really upset me and anyone who thinks Mn isn’t anti boys at times is deluded!

Advicewouldbeappreciated · 05/09/2020 13:08

@Tatatatata

I have seen the odd thing where the mother is disappointed at finding out she is having a boy which I think is quite sad

As this is clearly a thread about my thread I'll clarify.

I am not disappointed that I am having a boy.

I am sad that as this is likely my only child, I will never have the chance to have a daughter. I am not sad that I am having a son. I am sad that I likely won't ever have another child meaning I won't ever have the opportunity to have a girl.

I would likely have felt the same way if this child was a girl. Sad that I won't ever experience having a son because this will be my only child.

Ideally I'd like to experience both but I know due to my situation that won't ever happen for me and it makes me a bit sad.

I am not bashing boys FFS.

It is a valid feeling and I totally get it. Hope that helps x

Napqueen1234 · 05/09/2020 13:08

I think YABU personally. People are allowed to feel things (even controversial things) and are allowed to voice that on an open forum. Often mn is used because they don’t want to tell friends and family (as obviously they realise they are perhaps being irrational/unreasonable) and are reaching out to other people who have had these complex feelings for support and to be reassured they will get over it. As soon as you get pregnant you start imagining this little person in your life and start to wonder what they will be like and how your life will look. That’s normal. What isn’t normal is if you have a girl/boy and force them into that stereotype or to behave a certain way to fit in with how you ‘imagined’ them to be. I would say most posters (and certainly the one today) do not appear to be like that at all.

FWIW I really wanted girls and have two DDs and couldn’t be happier so potentially I am biased .

SquidwardTortellini95 · 05/09/2020 13:09

You have clearly started this in response to another active thread on here. For that, YABU.

trixiebelden77 · 05/09/2020 13:10

I’m a woman.

I wonder if my mother was disappointed that we never went shopping together, I’ve never had my nails done, and there were no baby showers or bridal showers.

The sexist bullshit that leads people to think a daughter will do certain stereotypical things makes me sick. It so so stupid I’m embarrassed for them.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/09/2020 13:10

I was never bothered what I had be it all boys all girls or a mixture, so I can’t really comment on gender disappointment. One thing I will say is though If you go in for a baby it’s got to be because you want a baby not because you want a little girl to dress.
I do agree with you though gender disappointment is almost geared towards boys.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 05/09/2020 13:12

I voted YABU because it’s really not something I see!

On the odd occasion someone says they feel that way on here, counselling is sensibly suggested.

Sossen · 05/09/2020 13:13

I’ve just posted on that thread and honestly I don’t get it. I have a boy and a girl but I had no preference with both pregnancies. My daughter is amazing but so is my son. Do women want a mini me or something? Only I couldn’t have got further from myself with my dd. I’m rather girly love getting dressed up having my hair done nice nails done etc. My dd is very tall and slim (unlike me) and loves to play rugby, yes rugby, oh and hockey and football too. She refuses to wear dresses, only does her hair nice when we go somewhere special, isn’t interested in wearing tons of make up like most of her friends etc. When she was little I did dress her girly and thought she was a cutie but I was just as happy dreading my son in smart jeans and tops and a pair of trainers or smart shoes. My bond with my mother and sister isn’t great and we tolerate each other more than anything. Yet me dh has a fab relationship with both his mum dad and his brothers. There’s no guarantee of having that closeness with girls even when they get older, so I think people need to adjust their expectations.

HermioneGranger20 · 05/09/2020 13:13

I've only got boys I didnt necessarily care what I had but would have prefered boys. Girls and periods and mood swings are a NO from me. Teen boys are a walk in the park. I was a horrible teen put myself off 😂

WhateverThePace · 05/09/2020 13:15

Lots of women want daughters. What’s wrong with that?

Gender disappointment is very real. Especially if you have a boy who is a handful or hyperactive, and your friends have quiet girls who like colouring and quiet activities.

jessstan2 · 05/09/2020 13:16

@Prettybluepigeons

Honest to god, if I have to read one more thread from someone feeling 'sad or ' so disappointed ' that they are unfortunate enough to be be carrying a healthy male child, I will go pop! Ffs! Can you Imagine if it was the other way round and there were loads of threads expressing disappointment at girls?

Never getting to go shopping/for spa days/be a mother of a bride! So fucking what!!

Be thankful for what you get and create the relationship you want!

I hadn't noticed that much, today there is one from a woman who is expecting a boy.

She will forget it all once she has her darling baby son.

I have one child who is a son and it has been great fun all the way. I've never felt any pain at not having a daughter though before I had him, I imagined one.

My son is great, well into adulthood now.

However we don't live our lives through our children, there are other aspects to life.