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Original poster

DD can’t stop crying- breakup

92 replies

teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 09:05

DD1’s boyfriend called her last night to break up with her. They’re 17. They’ve been together for two years and I think his reasoning for the breakup is what is breaking DD.

He says he loves her but he can’t be with someone who supports an anti semite. DD was obviously quite confused and questioned this statement and what came out was very jumbled and unclear. It seems that her ex boyfriend was very angry that DD remained a Labour party member when Corbyn was in power as he felt unsafe with the thought of him as PM.

I’m devastated for poor DD. This was very random and when she stated that, he simply said his friends and he had discussed it and they couldn’t stand her politics and therefore her morals, in which case their relationship wouldn’t be going anywhere into adulthood as they have contrasting opinions.

DD asked if that was all, to which he said that her friends infuriated him and her best friend is a ‘marxist cunt’.

Incase you couldn’t tell, they’re all quite into politics. Except DD doesn’t let it impact her personal life, unlike her ex boyfriend who has been very righteous about it in the past and is applying to do PPE.

I don’t know what to do. DD’s friends came over early this morning to comfort her but she hasn’t stopped crying for hours, taking a couple of hours break to sleep.

How do I help her see that this is isn’t her fault? Sad She is just blaming herself and it is painful to watch.

OP posts:
elenacampana · 05/09/2020 09:07

She’ll get over it, just give her time and space. Breakups are horrible so be a comfort :-)

Notthetoothfairy · 05/09/2020 09:10

He sounds like a bit of an idiot.

When she starts at uni/new job next year, she will meet a lot of new people (likely including a lot of eligible young men) and he will be a distant memory. She’s too young to realise that now but you can be there for her and explain that.

Melabells · 05/09/2020 09:10

Just be there for her, the FAct she is showing emotion is a good thing. Keep getting her to talk. She sounds like an awesome gal so I bet she will find someone even better who has similar interests.

Pinkyandthebrainz · 05/09/2020 09:10

He sounds a delight. Break ups hurt. She'll be fine.

tiredanddangerous · 05/09/2020 09:11

Yeah that isn't the reason. He's just a twat.

Your poor dd Flowers

Notthetoothfairy · 05/09/2020 09:11

Right now, just try to plan fun things (and maybe have her favourite takeaway) to distract her as much as possible.

MadameMeursault · 05/09/2020 09:12

That is very sad but the boyfriend sounds a bit thick tbh. Corbyn isn’t an anti-Semite he’s anti the Israeli treatment of the Palestinians which is completely different. Boyfriend sounds like he needs a lot to learn or else he isn’t going to do very well at PPE.

It may seem very tough on DD now but she’s better off without someone who would use this as a reason and is so narrow in his outlook.

TheHappyHerbivore · 05/09/2020 09:13

Tbh I think whatever the reason it would have been a painful experience for your daughter. Everyone tends to blame themselves in a breakup, whatever ‘reason’ is given. The reason in this case is particularly poor, but it’s also likely not true. If he had really loved your daughter and wanted to be with her he wouldn’t have cared that she supported Corbyn. And if he really cared about anti-semitism, they would have broken up when Corbyn was still Labour leader. The fact that they’re breaking up over it now just shows that he didn’t think the relationship was right anyway.

This is a very common time for teenage breakups to occur - they’re on the cusp of adulthood and planning for their futures. Lots of people that age realise that the relationships of their teens aren’t ones they realistically want to carry forward.

So my advice would be to support your daughter the way you would with any breakup. Lots of tea and sympathy, and distractions if she wants them. Reassure her that however painful it is now, the feeling WILL pass and she will be happy and settled again, and sooner than she thinks. That being dumped is not a moral failing, or a reflection on her in any way; it is about him and his feelings, and she is not responsible for those.

She’ll get through it - she just needs some time.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2020 09:13

Yeah, agree, it’s not the real reason, they’ve probably just grown up a bit and apart, and as the song says, the first cut is the deepest. She’ll be fine, just give her some time to wallow.

Auridon4life · 05/09/2020 09:15

Does his parents know what he's pontificating at people?

JKRsHandmaiden · 05/09/2020 09:15

It's hard to watch but it's a bit of a rite of passage and he sounds like a total nightmare anyway. It's still very fresh, it's going to hurt.

I remember about that age I was dumped because my boyfriend had torn his cruciate ligament and couldn't play football for a few months. I blamed myself entirely Confused and was devastated for months. Looking back it was a very lucky escape but at the time my world was ending.

Just be there for her, say reassuring things, try to take her mind off it, and give her time.

BubblyBarbara · 05/09/2020 09:16

He’s talking a load of wotsits. If he couldn’t stand to be with a Corbynista (and to be fair, neither could I) he would have known that a year ago when Corbyn was actually a thing? He’s talking out of his arus basically

borntohula · 05/09/2020 09:17

Ex boyfriend sounds like a dumbass. She's well shot although I realize it absolutely doesn't feel like that right now. Poor DD. :(

Rhine · 05/09/2020 09:17

Sounds like she’s well rid of the right wing Tory wanker. Though it also sounds like a lame excuse to me, especially as Corbyn isn’t even Labour leader anymore,

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 05/09/2020 09:17

Your poor DD. Heartbreak is absolutely awful at any age. He sounds like a right twat.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 05/09/2020 09:18

He sounds a right wanker..:

PhilSwagielka · 05/09/2020 09:19

Corbyn isn’t even in charge, wtf.

HermioneGranger20 · 05/09/2020 09:22

Bless her, she will be fine. I had to move out when my first bf dumped me at that age as I was so upset lol moved in with a relative for 2 weeks as could not bare being in my house with all the memories (so embarrassing to say) we are still mates 15 years on.

pilates · 05/09/2020 09:22

Poor excuse and says more about him as a person.
He sounds immature. As they say time is a good healer.

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 05/09/2020 09:22

Aww the pain of our first love

Just let her grieve for her loss And be there. It’s so all consuming at that age. Of course it’s a lie from him but it seems he has moved on and she hasn’t just yet but does he really want to hurt her by telling her he no longer loves her so used a lame excuse

She will be fine. She knows deep down the real reason is he has moved on, she is going through the motions of if I did this or that he would still love me because that doesn’t hurt as much as accepting someone isn’t in love with you anymore

Lots of tissues, comfort food and cuddles

I can remember feeling absolutely devastated when my first love finished with me but now I long back with fond memories we all have our heartbroken at some point

022828MAN · 05/09/2020 09:24

Things have really changed since I was 17!

Original poster
teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 09:26

@MadameMeursault @Rhine
I suppose a benefit of this is I won’t be subjected to conversations/lectures on how brilliant unregulated capitalism would be from an entitled 17 year old boy anymore Grin

OP posts:
Zebracat · 05/09/2020 09:27

She definitely has dodged a bullet there. I always find carbs and vigorous exercise are the best cure for a broken heart. Get her up, ask her to mow the lawn/ wash all the floors / pressure wash the patio and feed her a giant stack of pancakes. This works, promise!

Asuitablecat · 05/09/2020 09:27

He sounds hard work. And full of self importance. And a knob for basically mansplaining that she is deficient in some way, according to his criteria.

Original poster
teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 09:28

Also, sorry to drip feed a bit but when the last general election was on, DD went to quite a few Labour party events etc and boyfriend threw a few tantrums. They then broke up for a couple of weeks until he came crawling back. So I do think politics is definitely an issue as he has always been disapproving of the left. I’m sure you all are right and there were other reasons too. I just wish he gave her one of those, so she didn’t blame herself.

OP posts: