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Original poster

DD can’t stop crying- breakup

92 replies

teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 09:05

DD1’s boyfriend called her last night to break up with her. They’re 17. They’ve been together for two years and I think his reasoning for the breakup is what is breaking DD.

He says he loves her but he can’t be with someone who supports an anti semite. DD was obviously quite confused and questioned this statement and what came out was very jumbled and unclear. It seems that her ex boyfriend was very angry that DD remained a Labour party member when Corbyn was in power as he felt unsafe with the thought of him as PM.

I’m devastated for poor DD. This was very random and when she stated that, he simply said his friends and he had discussed it and they couldn’t stand her politics and therefore her morals, in which case their relationship wouldn’t be going anywhere into adulthood as they have contrasting opinions.

DD asked if that was all, to which he said that her friends infuriated him and her best friend is a ‘marxist cunt’.

Incase you couldn’t tell, they’re all quite into politics. Except DD doesn’t let it impact her personal life, unlike her ex boyfriend who has been very righteous about it in the past and is applying to do PPE.

I don’t know what to do. DD’s friends came over early this morning to comfort her but she hasn’t stopped crying for hours, taking a couple of hours break to sleep.

How do I help her see that this is isn’t her fault? Sad She is just blaming herself and it is painful to watch.

OP posts:
MadameMeursault · 05/09/2020 10:34

[quote teachinggreen]**@MadameMeursault* @Rhine*
I suppose a benefit of this is I won’t be subjected to conversations/lectures on how brilliant unregulated capitalism would be from an entitled 17 year old boy anymore Grin[/quote]
Definite bonus! I’m a socialist and there’s no way I could fall in love with a Tory, our difference in values would be too great.

Ginfordinner · 05/09/2020 10:36

I was in your shoes last year. DD's lying, cheating boyfriend dumped her after nearly 4 years. She was very upset. I knew that telling her that he was an arsehole wasn't what she wanted her to hear, so I just said that it was OK to cry over him.

We went on holiday two days after she was dumped, and I ended up sharing a room with her because she didn't want to be alone.

Admittedly, it took her a long time to get over him, and what would have been their anniversary was hard, as was Christmas and new year. she still gets a little upset, but I think it is because she has discovered more and more what an utter arsehole he was.

Ginfordinner · 05/09/2020 10:37

Oh, and I must admit I am still angry at the way he treated her. I know I should let it go, but it will go away eventually. I don't dwell on it.

Ireolu · 05/09/2020 10:39

Get her to read this thread

He sounds like hard work
She is very young and will find someone better suited to her.

I personally think she dodged a bullet.

Other people saying a person I was with was a bit of an idiot helped the break up blues when I was at university. I have no doubts she will be fine as she is already mature enough to separate her political stance from her personal life.

GrumpyHoonMain · 05/09/2020 10:43

DN had a relationship similar to this at 16 - he broke up with her because he didn’t like her having her own opinion about politics either. She cried for a bit and then within 3 weeks met someone else. The ex tried to get her back but having experienced what it was like to be with someone who wasn’t abusive / a cunt she wasn’t interested.

monkeyonthetable · 05/09/2020 10:49

OMG - I assumed he was some joyless earnest Socialist with very narrow views on how to be a proper Leftie. He's against left-wing politics? Aged 17? He supports unregulated capitalism? Imagine what he'll be like when he's fifty!

I'd be handing her tissues and then backing out the door to do a secret pirouette of joy!

FrenchtoEnglish · 05/09/2020 10:51

@Proudboomer He called her best friend a marxist cunt.

ImaSababa · 05/09/2020 10:57

He sounds like an utter tool.

Corbyn was the victim of a massive right-wing mudslinging campaign by the press (including the very Conservative Jewish Chronicle). Being pro Palestine is NOT the same as being anti-Semitic.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 05/09/2020 10:57

He sounds like a typical 17/18 year old know-it-all who uses phrases like marxist,fascist eff without fully understanding what they mean. He's too cool and a bit of a twat. She will realise this when she's older and laugh about it.

anonacatchat · 05/09/2020 11:21

He sounds extremely immature .

First heart break is the worst . Went through it myself at that age . She will be ok . It will take time .

Keep an eye on her . Keep the tea and biscuits coming

sst1234 · 05/09/2020 11:28

Out of interest, why is everyone so outraged by the boyfriend. He didn’t agree with his girlfriends political leanings so he broke up with her. He didn’t insult her, he said he doesn’t agree with the people she supports and associates with. His choice to do that. Should he have ignored her, blanked her, lied to her?

Or is it that everyone’s offended by his politics?

ThePlantsitter · 05/09/2020 11:29

WHAT a twat. She will be laughing about this breakup in a few years. Don't tell her that though. Just let her sob for a bit and then in a few days go out and have unfettered fun with her mates without having to explain herself to Toryboy. Flowers and Wine for her.

Proudboomer · 05/09/2020 11:36

[quote FrenchtoEnglish]@Proudboomer He called her best friend a marxist cunt.[/quote]
Yes and?

If a 17 swears and calls me names I don’t swear and call them names back as I am more mature than a 17 year old.

They are 17 and most 17 years olds are very unlikely to be with the same person at 20

OfaFrenchmind2 · 05/09/2020 11:39

I am very sorry for your DD's pain. It must be awful after 2 years.

But I also do not get the outpouring of spite coming from other posters. His dislike of Corbyn is very valid, he is antisemitic, this has been proved and discussed many times, within and out of his party. I admit I have many misgivings about people that supported him and the Labour last year without even considering his deep failings. It seems like self-righteousness is blind.

However, it is strange he is only leaving her now, if Corbyn and his ilk were so abhorrent for him. Did he get a sudden political awakening?

seayork2020 · 05/09/2020 11:44

Call me totally cynical but if the situation was reversed and the girl dumped the boy because of his political beliefs there would be cheering

Proudboomer · 05/09/2020 11:49

@seayork2020

Call me totally cynical but if the situation was reversed and the girl dumped the boy because of his political beliefs there would be cheering
‘Is the double standards of MN. If your politics lean to the right you could find the cure for cancer and still be a twat according to the left wing majority on MN.
buildingbridge · 05/09/2020 12:01

Awww no OP Thanks. I can imagine how she feels at the age. She probably feels like her world has ended. It's horrible. Just be there for her, encourage her to go out or do something nice together instead. She will get through this.

TSSDNCOP · 05/09/2020 12:05

I hope she's lucky enough to have a best friend who can sit her down and very frankly point out what an utter knob he's been, how undeserving of her is, then take her dancing and get her good and drunk.

I had one such friend and it was the best tonic to getting over the little twerp I had thought was the bees knees.

WhereamI88 · 05/09/2020 12:06

He sounds like a he handled giving the news a bit badly but he's not wrong to want to break up. I mean, I wouldn't get past the first date with someone who in any shape or form supported Corbyn, but he's very old news now so the reason is pretty random. However, I myself broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years at the age of 17...I was going away to uni the next year, I realized the relationship was not one that would survive adulthood as we had very different ambitions and goals and I didn't want it dragging me down. He's probably thinking the same. It's a good thing for your daughter. I found girls who still had their high school boyfriends at uni sort of restricted themselves- they kept going home every weekend, didn't invest as much in the new friendhsips etc.

Clotho55 · 05/09/2020 12:29

Hello OP, my DH & I can relate to your situation, as our DD was dumped recently, by her first serious boyfriend. They met at 6th-form college a year ago, but are going on to different universities later this month. He said he didn't want a long-distance relationship; she told us immediately after being dumped & we were both there for her during the phases of being very upset, then anger then acceptance. I think it helps to let your DD talk (when she wants to) & not bad-mouthing the ex-BF; we older folk have been through this experience and can lend some insight and perspective. Our DD is now free to meet new people and, eventually, a soulmate/husband if that's what she wants. Being there for your DD is the best thing you can do for her, right now; good luck to you both

Longtalljosie · 05/09/2020 12:34

Her ex said he felt “unsafe” - am I assuming from that that he’s Jewish himself? If so a lot of Jewish people felt unsafe during Corbyn’s tenure. I’m not Jewish so I just believe what they say about their own lived experience.

Original poster
teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 12:34

@OfaFrenchmind2 I don’t think that there is an outpouring of spite from the other posters! That is a bit of a stretch, no?

@ThePlantsitter DSD made that exact same comment and called him toryboy tooGrin

As @ImaSababa has explained well, Jeremy Corbyn is not an anti semite, supporting him doesn’t make my DD or any of his supporters anti semitic either.

But also if her boyfriend’s opinions were deeply rooted in his morality, he wouldn’t have got back with a massive socialist to break up with her months later. I agree with other posters that there is almost certainly another issue.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 05/09/2020 12:34

It will make a good story in the future. He sounds a knob. Let her cry and tell her she will laugh about this one day. Actually don’t but she will.

Original poster
teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 12:37

@Longtalljosie DD’s Muslim friends feel unsafe with an Islamaphobe and racist as our PM but they didn’t suggest she breaks up with her Tory boyfriend. DD’s working class friends feel unsafe with classists in power but again, didn’t pressure her to break up with him and were nothing but polite to him.

Why one rule for the right and one of the left?

OP posts:
Original poster
teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 12:37

@MatildaTheCat I hope soSad She doesn’t feel much better but it’s early days.

OP posts: