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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD can’t stop crying- breakup

92 replies

teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 09:05

DD1’s boyfriend called her last night to break up with her. They’re 17. They’ve been together for two years and I think his reasoning for the breakup is what is breaking DD.

He says he loves her but he can’t be with someone who supports an anti semite. DD was obviously quite confused and questioned this statement and what came out was very jumbled and unclear. It seems that her ex boyfriend was very angry that DD remained a Labour party member when Corbyn was in power as he felt unsafe with the thought of him as PM.

I’m devastated for poor DD. This was very random and when she stated that, he simply said his friends and he had discussed it and they couldn’t stand her politics and therefore her morals, in which case their relationship wouldn’t be going anywhere into adulthood as they have contrasting opinions.

DD asked if that was all, to which he said that her friends infuriated him and her best friend is a ‘marxist cunt’.

Incase you couldn’t tell, they’re all quite into politics. Except DD doesn’t let it impact her personal life, unlike her ex boyfriend who has been very righteous about it in the past and is applying to do PPE.

I don’t know what to do. DD’s friends came over early this morning to comfort her but she hasn’t stopped crying for hours, taking a couple of hours break to sleep.

How do I help her see that this is isn’t her fault? She is just blaming herself and it is painful to watch.

OP posts:

Rainn21 · 05/09/2020 09:30

Lucky escape

LiveintheNow · 05/09/2020 09:33

I am guessing one of his 'friends' might ask her out soon!

Florencex · 05/09/2020 09:34

That isn’t the reason for the break up, if it were they would have broken up a long time ago not now. Goodness knows why he feels the need to invent such a stupid reason.

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 05/09/2020 09:35

Would you really want him to tell her I just don’t love you anymore

She will come to realise that in her own time right now I think that would be too much for her right now

When finishing with an ex I told him I can give you a million excuses but the real reason is I don’t love you like it did. It was the truth but god it absolutely crushed him I still feel guilt 15 years on

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/09/2020 09:42

DH and I mostly agree on the ‘big’ topics of politics, human rights, etc. and, for the most part, I wouldn’t let differences of opinion stop me being with someone. If the view was a deal breaker, I would have known earlier than 2 years in. We were 18 and 21 when we started dating so not much older than your daughter.

He’s using this as an excuse and your DD is better off without anyway.

happinessischocolate · 05/09/2020 09:47

I am guessing one of his 'friends' might ask her out soon!

When my dd bf of 2 years finished with her by text and refused to speak to her she was devastated, within 2 weeks his best mate was asking her out, she said no, but 6 months later he was still asking, she finally agreed and 3 years on they're still together 😁

diddl · 05/09/2020 09:51

He does sound an idiot, although he can break up with her for any reason he wants to.

She just needs to give herself time to get over it.

VenusClapTrap · 05/09/2020 09:54

Oh god it hurts so much at that age! I remember it so vividly. It really doesn’t matter what reason he’s given her; it’s always awful. As everyone else says, tea and sympathy is all you can do. Let her cry, hug her, and buy her cake or take her shopping or whatever treat is her thing.

Helen18 · 05/09/2020 09:57

Don't tell her 'there are plenty more fish in the sea' like my mum did. Really didn't help!!

SkiingIsHeaven · 05/09/2020 09:58

Sounds like she has had a lucky escape.

He is not reasonable. People have different views and that is ok.

Reader1984 · 05/09/2020 10:00

I remember when I was dumped at 17. I thought my world had ended. Hormones, new experiences, it's tough and will take time.

Tunnocks34 · 05/09/2020 10:03

@teachinggreenhe actually sounds insufferable. Lucky escape I’d say! Hope your daughter is ok.

Brefugee · 05/09/2020 10:06

he's a neocon twat and she's better away from him. It sounds like he'd be voting Tory and she'd be voting Labour and they would both be talking about it and that wouldn't help (I know people who vote like that and are married and aren't at it hammer and tongs all the time but they're in their 40s and have known each other a long time. Teenage politics are so much more... potent)

She'll get over it. She really will. Until then all you can do is make the tea and hand her the tissues. Her friends will help too.

Proudboomer · 05/09/2020 10:09

Everyone has their first heart break but I see no difference to what he has done to when we have posters who post that they would divorce their husband/leave their partner if they voted Tory. Won’t be friends with them and refer the them all as cunts. And yes there was a lot of posts like this especially last year around election time.

So I while I can have sympathy for your daughter going through her first heartbreak I am not going to call the young man names just because he has broken up with her.

Nandakanda · 05/09/2020 10:10

What a thick bastard.

Sounds like reasoning isn't his strong point. He should fit in well at a UK university with all the other self righteous twats.

Lollyneenah · 05/09/2020 10:13

What a self important little twit😂 she will wonder what she ever saw in him in a few months time. He will be a hilarious story to tell her flatmates about when shes a wee bit older.

You're doing great OP, new pyjamas and a good watch of fried green tomatoes or alien will see her through

Original poster

teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 10:15

@Proudboomer I didn’t suggest that you do call him names.

OP posts:

Fruitbatdancer · 05/09/2020 10:15

He’s sounds like a right twat. Take her for a chippie lunch or whatever her eat treat is, Get her ice cream and cheesecake! let her cry, tomorrow’s a new day.

Original poster

teachinggreen · 05/09/2020 10:17

Thank you all, this is so helpful. Emotions really are high at 17.

I’ve finally got her up and she’s gone out for breakfast with her friends and when she’s back DH is going to have her to take the dog to the vet with him to hopefully distract her.

OP posts:

Proudboomer · 05/09/2020 10:20

No you didn’t, your concern is only helping your daughter through her first heartbreak but there are pretty of replies calling him names.

BluebellsGreenbells · 05/09/2020 10:23

These break ups leave such a gap in their time, plus friends take sides at that age and it means groups changing. It has a bigger impact than an older couple breaking up.

DD had a similar one 8 months ago, I had to get involved as he was stalking her with his new girlfriend! His parents soon dealt with him.

All you can do is be there and do some nice things and let her friends support her.

monkeyonthetable · 05/09/2020 10:26

He sounds unpleasant. Her friend is a 'Marxist cunt'? Choice words. He's not just split up with her, he's taken pleasure in bullying and belittling her. What a tosser.
Let her cry a lot. She needs to get it out of her system. Give her lots of treats and care. (When DS broke up with his first love, I baked him cakes, bought him small presents, ran him baths and swamped him in blankets. He was fine after 3 days - still upset, obviously, but the weeping was over.
Reassure her that she has the right to support who she wants and to have faith in her own judgement. And that a mature, kind person will respect that difference, not punish or attack her for it.

malificent7 · 05/09/2020 10:28

Bless her...it's awful at that age. However, politics are an important part of a relationship....encourage her strongly to seek out partners who share the same values. I support Corbyn and don't think he's anti semite...just anti zionist.
I couldn't date a full on tory and they probably would date me.
Buy her a big box of chocolates and plenty of tissues and give her some hugs.
He sounds like a twat btw.

monkeyonthetable · 05/09/2020 10:28

It's also break up season. DC's friends are all breaking up with their girlfriends because they are all off to uni or starting new phases of their lives. His reason may be a bit ridiculous but he's just following the herd.

malificent7 · 05/09/2020 10:28

Wouldn't date sorry

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