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Original poster

Children mustn't see grandparents until vaccine found?

551 replies

Witterywoman · 04/09/2020 14:05

Now that the kids are back at school, SIL has said her kids must isolate from both sets of grandparents in case they give them Covid picked up at school, and this must continue until a vaccine is found. All 4 grandparents are over 70 but healthy, no health conditions to speak of. My parents are particularly upset and don't understand it. I don't get it either and don't intend to stop them seeing my kids.

Are we missing something?

OP posts:
Friendsoftheearth · 04/09/2020 17:32

I have also lost my SIL, BIL and FIL to cancer max and unpleasant as it was, they had all of us there with them holding their hands, they had lovely hospice nurses keeping them comfortable. The priest came by to say prayers. Do you really consider an overwhelmed covid ICU ward with overstretched consultants in hazmats as you die alone drowning internally unable to breathe somehow better?! We must agree to disagree.

MrsMayo · 04/09/2020 17:33

I can say for sure that dying from covid will be the worst way to die for most people

Dying from Covid sounds horrendous but so is dying from many many other things. Such as Cancer and Muscular Dystrophy (a young person) which I have witnessed. Please don't talk crap.

MotherofPearl · 04/09/2020 17:34

I have sort of the opposite situation. Pre-Covid DP's parents used to pick up the DC from nursery/school once a week, take them out to the park and then for a meal out. They have said they won't be doing that until there's a vaccine. In fact they won't see us or the DC apart from very socially distanced in the garden.

I respect their choice but as pp have said, I think it's a little extreme, and worry that it may be years before the Covid situation is resolved. They're in their mid 70s but are not in a shielding group, and are generally in good health. However, they've taken it upon themselves to not leave the house at all since early March, and seem to have no intention of doing so again until Covid is eradicated. I worry about their mental and physical well-being really declining fast just staying at home fulltime.

Notfeelinggreattoday · 04/09/2020 17:34

@friendsofthearth whilst i don't doubt dying of covid is awful ,so can many other deaths be , dying of cancer etc can also be very traumatic .

MaxNormal · 04/09/2020 17:35

@Friendsoftheearth that was not my mother's experience Sad

She fractured the top of her leg during treatment and they operated and pinned it. The pain was unreal but she somehow hung on for months after that. She was in a different country to me and my job was paying for her care so I couldn't even be with her. And she died alone. It was shit and harrowing and went on and on and on.

Friendsoftheearth · 04/09/2020 17:35

All the time whilst you lie there dying of covid, surely the patients must have wondered if they had been a little more careful they could have spent the next twenty plus years with loved ones and avoided such an awful ending.

Covid is entirely preventable
Cancer and many other illnesses like strokes etc are not in the real sense

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 04/09/2020 17:35

I can say for sure that dying from covid will be the worst way to die for most people

Are they no longer sedating people on vents? My child died of respiratory failure after being on a vent. She was completely unconscious and her death was far more peaceful than some I saw working in a hospice - sadly there's no way to get some forms of cancer pain-free and comfortable, or ALS, or dementia. Sad. A friend's son died of Covid. They removed the vent and he died without regaining consciousness. Are they keeping people awake now? Hmm

PerveenMistry · 04/09/2020 17:35

@Friendsoftheearth

listening I have experience of being extremely ill in hospital more than once, and I can say for sure that dying from covid will be the worst way to die for most people. Perhaps you don't have friends that have been on the front line dealing with this, but I do and have heard my fair share of absolute horror stories. It is not the way most people wish to leave the world, particularly if they were able to avoid it.

If you have cancer or a stroke that is unfortunate and unlucky and could not be avoided, but it IS possible if you are careful to avoid catching and dying from covid. It is entirely preventable for the elderly most at risk. And that is my issue with it. It is putting people at risk when it can be so easily avoided is wrong.

A sd walk is fine but visits in the house and hugging etc, once dc are in school is really grossly irresponsible.

Totally agree.

I too have front-line colleagues and some aren't even living with their spouses & children lest they carry it home. For months now. They are frightened by what they see.

But the selfish will continue to gather to gratify their "wants" and prolong this for everyone else.

Imagine during WWII blackouts if some people had said "oh everyone has to decide their own risk level -- we want to live it up NOW!" and merrily, selfishly flung their blackout curtains aside once they became bored with precautions?!

MadameBlobby · 04/09/2020 17:36

To be clear we are being cautious now the kids are in school, only meeting outside and maintaining distance as we have done throughout but my parents live for their grandchildren, no way would I stop them seeing them, it would be cruel.

Friendsoftheearth · 04/09/2020 17:36

max and you want that for others do you? Surely we need to do EVERYTHING possible to save every single life.

PerveenMistry · 04/09/2020 17:36

@Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd

I can say for sure that dying from covid will be the worst way to die for most people

Are they no longer sedating people on vents? My child died of respiratory failure after being on a vent. She was completely unconscious and her death was far more peaceful than some I saw working in a hospice - sadly there's no way to get some forms of cancer pain-free and comfortable, or ALS, or dementia. Sad. A friend's son died of Covid. They removed the vent and he died without regaining consciousness. Are they keeping people awake now? Hmm

Oh no problem then, eh? Hmm
TheKeatingFive · 04/09/2020 17:37

I honestly think if I was in my 70s I’d rather just get on sensibly with my life than spend the rest of it cowering away in fear and not getting to see loved ones. What kind of existence is that?

Absolutely

It seems that some people have lost all perspective on this. For many, shutting off contact with loved ones is no way to live and there are risks worth taking.

WhereTheCrawdadsSing · 04/09/2020 17:37

Jesus, this thread has gone into a slightly strange direction. Whose death is the most painful? Not sure this is helping anyone tbh and is the realm of the slightly unhinged and macabre tbh. Not wishing to police the thread or anything, but maybe that isn't the best way of either side making their argument tbh.

MadameBlobby · 04/09/2020 17:37

@Friendsoftheearth

All the time whilst you lie there dying of covid, surely the patients must have wondered if they had been a little more careful they could have spent the next twenty plus years with loved ones and avoided such an awful ending.

Covid is entirely preventable
Cancer and many other illnesses like strokes etc are not in the real sense

Of course it isn’t “entirely preventable”. If it was no one would have it
ListeningQuietly · 04/09/2020 17:38

and I can say for sure that dying from covid will be the worst way to die for most people.
Bollocks.
Suffocating on the kitchen floor with an aortic embolism while waiting for the ambulance was rather worse for a friend of mine
(and for their family who have those images seared into their brains for ever)

PerveenMistry · 04/09/2020 17:38

@Friendsoftheearth

All the time whilst you lie there dying of covid, surely the patients must have wondered if they had been a little more careful they could have spent the next twenty plus years with loved ones and avoided such an awful ending.

Covid is entirely preventable
Cancer and many other illnesses like strokes etc are not in the real sense

Exactly. I wonder if those "necessary " hugs and pub nights and shopping seemed quite so urgent in hindsight, as they gasped their last....

MaxNormal · 04/09/2020 17:39

@Friendsoftheearth but we already don't live in a world where we do every single thing possible to save every single life. Vast global inequality, huge numbers of children every year dying of infectious diseases and diseases of poverty.
Pollution and climate change are huge killers as well but we sacrifice human lives in their droves to keep that particular machine of industry going.

But suddenly now that the first world is affected, every life is precious and must be saved? I'm a bit baffled.

Janus · 04/09/2020 17:39

This is so difficult, I do agree with ‘the parents must decide’. BUT I’d also feel awful if my children passed anything to my elderly parents and don’t know if I could live with it even if they agreed to take the risk. It’s a bloody tough choice.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 04/09/2020 17:40

@Friendsoftheearth

All the time whilst you lie there dying of covid, surely the patients must have wondered if they had been a little more careful they could have spent the next twenty plus years with loved ones and avoided such an awful ending.

Covid is entirely preventable
Cancer and many other illnesses like strokes etc are not in the real sense

How do you know this? My father is in his mid-80s, he is ready to go, of whatever it is, he could pick up anything from anywhere, he could fall at home. He wants to see his family, not just bloody socially distanced, and enjoy whatever time he has left as he sees fit. He has a DNR as he has heart failure and has prostate cancer (the heart failure will likely kill him first). I trust he knows his own mind and I think that should be respected. My mother feels the same, she is 80 and has COPD, also has a DNR. They both have Living Wills (legal in some places) and advanced directives.

People do not stop being adults just because they are elderly.

No virus is entirely preventable unless you live as a hermit forever.

Cancer and strokes can indeed be prevented in a lot of ways, although of course the biggest risk factor for the former is age. Some forms of type II diabetes can even be reversed by weight loss, as we are finding out.

Friendsoftheearth · 04/09/2020 17:40

madame don't be ridiculous, if you have your shopping delivered, only see friends min 2 m away in the garden and enjoy walking or outside life, then you most likely will remain clear of covid. It is preventable.

Nanny0gg · 04/09/2020 17:40

@Friendsoftheearth

The denial is really depressing on this thread, its as if 45,000 people never really died, and the conservative but reasonable worst case scenario for the next wave this coming season is 85,000 deaths is just irrelevant. Until it happens to you or your mother that is.
Not denying anything. But are you seriously telling me I've got to stay away from everyone and everything for the rest of my life?

Sod that

ListeningQuietly · 04/09/2020 17:40

I’d also feel awful if my children passed anything to my elderly parents and don’t know if I could live with it even if they agreed to take the risk.
How would you know
your parents could catch it from anywhere or anybody

PerveenMistry · 04/09/2020 17:41

@MotherofPearl

I have sort of the opposite situation. Pre-Covid DP's parents used to pick up the DC from nursery/school once a week, take them out to the park and then for a meal out. They have said they won't be doing that until there's a vaccine. In fact they won't see us or the DC apart from very socially distanced in the garden.

I respect their choice but as pp have said, I think it's a little extreme, and worry that it may be years before the Covid situation is resolved. They're in their mid 70s but are not in a shielding group, and are generally in good health. However, they've taken it upon themselves to not leave the house at all since early March, and seem to have no intention of doing so again until Covid is eradicated. I worry about their mental and physical well-being really declining fast just staying at home fulltime.

Sucks when that convenient free babysitting dries up because those selfish oldies prefer to stay home & be alive with one another. Hmm

Notfeelinggreattoday · 04/09/2020 17:41

@Friendsoftheearth how awful to say that a patient may be there thinking of they had been a little more careful , so the dr's and nurses that caught it should of been more careful or the old lady in a home , or the person that just forgot once to maybe wash their hands , covid is not entirely preventable you can only fo your best . Everytime you go to a shop even with all precautions there is always a very slight risk

TheKeatingFive · 04/09/2020 17:42

Surely we need to do EVERYTHING possible to save every single life.

As a human race, we’ve literally never thought like this before.

Why don’t we ban all traffic from the road if that’s what we should be aiming for? An average of 1.35 million die globally each year as a result of RTA.