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Original poster

Children mustn't see grandparents until vaccine found?

551 replies

Witterywoman · 04/09/2020 14:05

Now that the kids are back at school, SIL has said her kids must isolate from both sets of grandparents in case they give them Covid picked up at school, and this must continue until a vaccine is found. All 4 grandparents are over 70 but healthy, no health conditions to speak of. My parents are particularly upset and don't understand it. I don't get it either and don't intend to stop them seeing my kids.

Are we missing something?

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 05/09/2020 15:49

@Redolent

I can’t take a lot of people in this thread seriously. They’re talking about the preeminence of grandparents needs and wants, the selfishness of OP’s SiL, the crime of ‘prioritising your needs and feelings’ (as though they’re ceaselessly altruistic people who have never once prioritized themselves!)

But this is all a ruse. They say these things, but they’re not really lifelong campaigners for grandparents rights. They just believe the virus is oversold and people need to crack on with things. That’s the underlying belief system that undergirds all this talk.

The problem, as has been pointed out, is that even the most pragmatic of countries - Sweden - which refused to close schools, made it clear that over 70s should not mix with their families indoors. That is the definition of cracking on. Shield the elderly and vulnerable, let the working age move on. Not try to do both.

I have sympathies for people who gave no choice but to use grandparents for childcare, but this isn’t the contention here. Nor will the SIL’s parents be isolated (they’re mixing with the OP and her children).

It's not a ruse. I've never been a lifelong campaigner for grandparents rights or elderly people rights. I don't think anyone here has claimed to be.

Most of us however have been brought up in countries where we have freedom, jail and house arrest is saved for the criminals. I believe that everyone should have the right to have that freedom back.

Some people think the elderly must be shielded no matter what, even if they don't want to shield. If they want to continue shielding then all supports should of course remain in place for them...but some of them don't.

My grandparents are in their 80s and see their grandchildren and great grandchildren (not mine as I live hours away), my grandad goes to the bookies, my granny goes to bingo, they're socialising again.
That is their right!

user1481840227 · 05/09/2020 15:51

@PerveenMistry

The analogy to smokers is weak. They are risking only their own health.

Spreaders are risking others, and are more akin to drunk drivers out on the roads.

You can only compare spreaders to drink drivers if the spreader is aware they have the virus and they go out into a crowded place where there is a real chance that they may pass it onto others.
Redolent · 05/09/2020 16:05

@user1497207191

Nobody is placing the grandparents here under house arrest. There’s no indication that OP’s brother and SiL are pressuring them to stop their normal activities. Nor are the GPs isolated (still seeing their other children).

I do think it’s very unreasonable not to allow teens to go for walks with them outdoors. But so is their decision to hardly leave their house since March. There are clearly other issues going on there.

user1481840227 · 05/09/2020 16:21

@redolent

No not in this thread, but you made massive assumptions in your earlier post about posters underlying belief systems and it being about cracking on with things because the virus is oversold.

The reality is that many people do understand the seriousness of the virus and the risk involved but they are weighing it up against what the alternative is for all involved.

LittleBearPad · 05/09/2020 17:23

@PerveenMistry

The analogy to smokers is weak. They are risking only their own health.

Spreaders are risking others, and are more akin to drunk drivers out on the roads.

Spreaders?

Really!

WheresMyMilk · 05/09/2020 18:01

The reality is that many people do understand the seriousness of the virus and the risk involved but they are weighing it up against what the alternative is for all involved

Yes, it’s about proportionality.

guilttripjourno · 05/09/2020 18:09

SILs kids, her decision.

VinylDetective · 05/09/2020 18:52

@guilttripjourno

SILs kids, her decision.
Grandparents’ health risk. It should be their decision.
lyralalala · 05/09/2020 18:56

@guilttripjourno

SILs kids, her decision.
Surely her husband should get a say in the situation with his parents?

They're his kids as well

Miisty · 05/09/2020 18:56

Doing childcare and hugging grandchildren even though we are over 70 .Grandson was so upset we could not come and play did not do his mental health good

lyralalala · 05/09/2020 18:57

If it was the father who'd decide this there would be questions asked about who else he was isolating them from and was he also trying to isolate his wife from her family.

FelicisNox · 05/09/2020 19:16

I can see both sides.

There's no right or wrong here and SIL clearly doesn't want to risk making the grandparents ill or even killing them: underlying health issues or not they are automatically in the high risk category due to age so I'm with the SIL on this one.

My DD is home schooled and is seeing grandparents until we hit winter pressures for the next few weeks. As soon as lockdown is reimposed which looks likely beginning of Nov onwards we will not be seeing them so we are enjoying our window of opportunity.

LovelyIssues · 05/09/2020 19:22

We have decided the same. Once they are back at school our bubble is broken and it's just not worth the risk on our eyes. Hoping the vaccine will be out by early next year

Bodynegative · 05/09/2020 19:25

As a grandparent in the super vulnerable shielding group who is also well overweight with severe brittle asthma & could very easily die of Covid 19, I'd be deeply offended if I wasn't asked my own views. Up to the grandparents, surely?

LovelyIssues · 05/09/2020 19:27

@Bodynegative maybe she doesn't want it on her conscience if she makes Grandparents ill. It's just not worth it at the moment, she sounds sensible.

Kellymumto2 · 05/09/2020 19:45

I’m following this with interest as my daughter’s paternal grandmother will not allow my kids in her house in case of COVID19. She will however sit in a car with them on hour long journeys and attend days out with them, also sleep in hotel rooms with them, but they can’t visit her house and as their dad lives with her, this means he is unable to have them overnight.

TheKeatingFive · 05/09/2020 19:54

maybe she doesn't want it on her conscience if she makes Grandparents ill

That’s putting management of her own feelings above the grandparents wishes and happiness. I think that’s selfish personally.

It's just not worth it at the moment

That’s up to the grandparents to decide surely. They have the most to lose.

TheKeatingFive · 05/09/2020 19:56

Spreaders are risking others, and are more akin to drunk drivers out on the roads

No they’re akin to regular drivers. There’s always the possibility of killing someone on the roads.

1.35 million die globally every year as a result of RTA. Yet we barely raise a eyebrow at those numbers.

Chillyourbeans · 05/09/2020 20:03

Why on earth is it looking likely a nationwide lockdown will be imposed from November? There's no way the Tory backbenchers will allow Boris to go down that route again - the economy just couldn't take that kind of hit. And for those who need the reminder - no, the economy is not about making Boris' billionaire mates richer, it's about funding the vital services we all depend upon.

SnackSizeRaisin · 05/09/2020 20:11

If grandparents do get covid and die, how would anyone know where they had caught it from? They could have caught it in the supermarket. Just don't go if you are I'll. That will mitigate the risk. Children are unlikely to pass it on anyway

Redolent · 05/09/2020 20:15

@TheKeatingFive

Spreaders are risking others, and are more akin to drunk drivers out on the roads

No they’re akin to regular drivers. There’s always the possibility of killing someone on the roads.

1.35 million die globally every year as a result of RTA. Yet we barely raise a eyebrow at those numbers.

This is a poor understanding of probability and risk.

Road traffic accidents are an additive risk. Covid is a multiplicative risk.

In a multiplicative effect, the risk for a collective doesn’t scale up from the risks for an individual. You can have a very low individual risk that scales up to an extreme collective risk.

LovelyIssues · 05/09/2020 20:23

@TheKeatingFive I don't think it's selfish at all. In fact the complete opposite!! I think people still putting elderly at risk are selfish personally Confused

Whatisnottaken · 05/09/2020 20:29

We have our daughter & grandaughter living with us & there are lots of other families like it.If this government experiment goes wrong.3 generations could suffer.
I have heart problems my partner has respiratory problems. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed.

TeacupDrama · 05/09/2020 20:30

Someone who knows they have the virus because of either symptoms or a test then goes amongst people is like a drunk driver they know they are drunk and shouldn't be driving just like the covid positive person knows they should stay home. Someone who has no symptoms and has not knowingly been in contact with a covid positive person and has followed the law can't be compared to a drunk driver but a normal driver, they know of nothing that should stop them driving they are not too tired to drive or taking drink / drugs their car is roadworthy but still there is a small possibility that the brakes could fail or that something happens thar causes a accident or injury but there is no recklessness likee the drunk driver. A healthy person with no covid symptoms going about daily life and sticking to covid laws is being perfectly reasonable to do all that is allowed.

TheKeatingFive · 05/09/2020 20:31

I think people still putting elderly at risk are selfish personally

There are far more risks in life than Covid. Older people are weighing those up, including the risk that they’ll die (of something other than Covid) without seeing their grandchildren again.

Yet you think you’ve the right to take that agency over their own decisions away from them? Confused