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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset that partner wants to move out

100 replies

purplepolo · 03/09/2020 18:18

my partner recently moved in, about 2-3 months ago and is saying he's moving back to his parents. This is because my sister has come back twice in those times (the most recent one being last night) with a one night stand. Ive had a word with her and shes not to do that anymore, shes young etc but I dont want some random boy coming into my home.

Anyway, when my partner woke up this morning, my sister and the boy were in the living room, and this pissed him off and he got ready for work and stormed off saying he's moving back to his dads.

Aibu to be upset by that? I almost feel like ive done something wrong when I know i haven't? But its really got to me. He got the majority of his things this evening after work and has gone back to his dads house.

He doesn't seem to understand why I'm upset, ive said to him that ive told my sister shes not to do this anymore, i thought the first time was just a one off so I didnt say anything, so now I've made it clear that its not to happen again.

So aibu to be upset about it?

OP posts:
Weebitawks · 03/09/2020 18:20

Well a few important details are needed to work out who is unreasonable.

Is it your house that your sister lives in for free and is she of adult age?

beautifulxdisasters · 03/09/2020 18:21

Why do you live with your sister and whose house is it - yours or hers (or your parents'?)?

BestOption · 03/09/2020 18:24

YABU

The best place for him is at his Dads, much easier to dump the twat, when he already has other accommodation.

Your sisters sex life is nothing to do with him.

It's YOUR home, if you don't want her bringing strangers into it, that's up to you (not him) but who she has sex with isn't up to you either. UNKESS she's under 16 & you're her guardian.

He's a twat, he's left you/yours instead of having an adult conversation about a problem (whatever it is). He's not life/relationship material. Don't waste your life trying to make him be something he's not.

Dump him
Lick your wounds
Move on.

1Morewineplease · 03/09/2020 18:26

We need more information here.
Does your sister live with you?
If not, is she allowed to turn up for the night whenever?

I suspect that your partner moved in with you with a view to being partners living together, but he feels that he's living in digs as your sister waltzes in, whenever, with a bloke in tow.

I know how I'd feel, if I were your boyfriend.

gamerchick · 03/09/2020 18:26

I wouldn't want to live with your sister either. Maybe it's time you got your own place, or she did.

Lockdownseperation · 03/09/2020 18:28

Is it your house? And does your sister live with you?

Honestly I wouldn’t want to wake up with a random person in my house.

CultOfWax · 03/09/2020 18:28

I wouldn't like to wake up to find a total stranger in my home either.

LucyAutumn · 03/09/2020 18:30

We need to know whose house it is before being able to comment...

Potterpotterpotter · 03/09/2020 18:31

Who wants to wake up with a random stranger in their house?
I would leave as well but then I wouldn’t move in with someone that lives with a sibling in the first place.

TorkTorkBam · 03/09/2020 18:31

Him moving out does not mean you have done something wrong. It just means he doesn't like sharing a house with your sister. Think of it that way.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 03/09/2020 19:00

I think he is taking the piss. It's your house and your sister. Good riddance. Red flag for future control issues from him.

VettiyaIruken · 03/09/2020 19:03

I think that's an excuse.
Either he just wants to take a step back from the relationship completely, or he fancies her, or he doesn't feel ready to live together but still wants to be a couple, etc etc. There will be a reason but I really doubt its moral outrage.

AfterSchoolWorry · 03/09/2020 19:06

Hmm, he seems very bent out of shape about your sisters sex life?

Viviennemary · 03/09/2020 19:07

If he's moved in he has the right to privacy. Does your sister live there permanently. It sounds far from an ideal set up.

BlueDream · 03/09/2020 19:09

Who's house is it and how old are you?

I think over the age of about 27 this would have annoyed me.

Original poster
purplepolo · 03/09/2020 19:10

Its my house, my sister used to stay with me a lot before he moved in, its not so much anymore maybe once every other week, but she knows she is welcome. He has made a point of saying he doesn't want to feel like he's pushing her out or doesn't want to make her feel like she can't stay here just because he's staying

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2020 19:11

Much more information is needed.

AlternativePerspective · 03/09/2020 19:12

If a poster posted here that she’d moved in with her partner and his brother kept bringing back one night stands she would b told she should move out.

If he’s moved in then it’s his home too, and there’s absolutely no way I would tolerate strangers being brought randomly back home for a shag. That’s the kind of thing you expect in a student house.

Original poster
purplepolo · 03/09/2020 19:15

I'm just confused as hes said thats why he's moving back to his dads, but I'd already said that I'd spoken to my sister and told her that she's not to do that anymore, which she has accepted

OP posts:
Sidge · 03/09/2020 19:17

So your sister crashes at yours and uses it as a shag pad?

Yeah I wouldn’t be too keen on that either. If I’d moved in with my fella and his sibling did the same I’d rather not be there. It’d be like living in a student house share.

TorkTorkBam · 03/09/2020 19:17

Hang on, your sister doesn't live there? She lives elsewhere, has a key to your place and sometimes lets herself in during the night to shag some random bloke in your living room? Shock

Viviennemary · 03/09/2020 19:17

I don't think she should be allowed to randomly appear in your house to stay the night. If she wants to stay it should be arranged in advance. And no bringing back friends.

Cattiwampus · 03/09/2020 19:18

He’s entitled to set his own boundaries, and waking up to a stranger in the house is not what he wants to do, especially as your sister doesn’t live there and is using your place as a shag pad.
Neither of you are wrong, you just need to work out what to do next.
Perhaps give her cash for a hotel?

MustShowDH · 03/09/2020 19:18

If he's prepared to make decisions like this without sitting down and talking to you then let him go.

Find yourself an adult to have a relationship with where you approach issues as a team.

CultOfWax · 03/09/2020 19:19

So your sister doesn't live with you, and uses your home (and if he's living with you, it's his home too) to bring back a random shag for the night.

Nah, don't blame him one bit. He's tried it, it doesn't work for him, he's moved out.

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