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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Stress

91 replies

Brideorbridezilla · 03/09/2020 15:30

Really need to hear what the general consensus is on this issue...

My fiance and I got engaged in May and we are planning our wedding for mid July next year. We would both have been the first in our families to be getting married.

My fiancé's brother and his longterm girlfriend have recently also got engaged and announced they will be getting married early next year (late Jan/early Feb).

My partner had spoken to his brother before our engagement to let him know he was planning to ask me soon to make sure it didn't impact on his brothers plans in any way and his brother didn't mention any wedding plans then.

AIBU to think his brother and partner have totally taken the shine off our engagement? They are saying they want a small informal event that can be arranged quickly and seem bewildered that this has upset me so much.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Krampusasbabysitter · 03/09/2020 15:33

You do not have the monopoly on getting married. Grow up!

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2020 15:35

You are totally and completely unreasonable. When your BIL and his fiance get married is none of your business. Do you really think they should wait to get married until after you do? Don't be absurd.

DamnShesaSexyChick · 03/09/2020 15:35

Seriously?

Leaannb · 03/09/2020 15:35

Really? You are jealous that they are getting married 6 months ahead of you? Grow up

Napqueen1234 · 03/09/2020 15:36

YABU and very selfish. They can get married when they want as long as they haven’t chosen the same day.

DorisDances · 03/09/2020 15:36

Congratulations on your engagement but I am afraid I think you are being totally unreasonable. If the plan was for the same weekend then I would understand you getting grumpy but it is months apart. Why on earth would it have any bearing on how your wedding is enjoyed by those who attend? Crack on with the fun of planning your special day and I hope you have a wonderful time.

Piffle11 · 03/09/2020 15:37

I think you’re being a little bit unreasonable, but I can kind of see where you’re coming from. So long as they are having a completely different style of wedding to you, then you should be fine. I certainly wouldn’t let this worry you too much, or cause too much trouble: you don’t want to start married life being at war with your in-laws. One thing I would suggest though, is keeping schtum about any plans you have… Friends of ours got engaged after DH and I, but got married before us. I had already told them about our entertainment for the evening, and they bloody well nicked the idea. I was bloody furious. However, by the time our wedding rolled around six months later, I was over it. Besides, everyone said our wedding was better Grin

nicelyneurotic · 03/09/2020 15:38

Is this a reverse? Let them get on with their low key wedding. Be gracious, enjoy their day and, 6 months later, yours.

MidnightCitrus · 03/09/2020 15:39

well its damned rude of them to consider getting married in the same century as you and your fiance....

CaptainVanesHair · 03/09/2020 15:40

Is this about not being the ‘first’? That really doesn’t matter. It has no significance at all.

I can see that it might sting a bit but is that because they’ll start their marriage first or have a wedding before you?

Laaalaaaa · 03/09/2020 15:40

Disgusting, they should wait until at least 2025 to get married. Selfish, selfish people.

MerylBleep · 03/09/2020 15:42

Besides, everyone said our wedding was better

I bet they said the same to the other newlyweds too

vapeinafleshlight · 03/09/2020 15:42

😂 Jesus wept.

There is no "shine". It's just another wedding. No wonder they are bemused by your completely OTT reaction

TheHappyHerbivore · 03/09/2020 15:43

YABU. Wildly so.

Anybody can get engaged at any time, even if family members have done so recently. Your engagement wasn’t even that recent - how many months did you expect them to hold off to give you and your fiancé time to shine?!

Besides, their wedding is going to be nowhere near the time of yours! Your weddings are going to be six months apart!

TheSmallAssassin · 03/09/2020 15:43

"Taken the shine off our engagement" in what way exactly?

Itsrainingnotmen · 03/09/2020 15:43

Maybe theirs is a shotgun wedding?!.

WhoAmIWhoAreYou · 03/09/2020 15:52

Have a joint engagement party in the garden. Grin

MatildaTheCat · 03/09/2020 15:56

The day before your wedding is a bit inconsiderate. Several months before is not.

m00rfarm · 03/09/2020 15:59

If you are this crazy now, god help your family and friends when you start the organisation in earnest!

AntiHop · 03/09/2020 16:01

Reverse?

ASandwichNamedKevin · 03/09/2020 16:02

Holy cow they're getting married months before you!
Polish that bridezilla crown! Is the whole of next year reserved for you or when would they be permitted to get married?

ASandwichNamedKevin · 03/09/2020 16:04

@AntiHop

Reverse?
Actually could makes sense that it's a reverse BUT the way the Bridezilla mentioned being the first to get married made me think not.
Original poster
Brideorbridezilla · 03/09/2020 16:05

Thank you for the replies. I just thought it would have been considerate to consider us in their planning since my H2B had the conversation with his brother to make sure he wasn't stepping on his toes. We are both quite small families, I wouldn't expect friends to do the same. I don't think they'll do anything like our day to be fair. I do wish I had just said nothing in hindsight, I can see that now. Thanks again for your perspectives.

OP posts:
Moomum123 · 03/09/2020 16:08

I think you are being very unreasonable. Your wedding will be special to you and your fiancé, your partner’s brother’s wedding will be special to him and his fiancée. Each event will reflect the personal taste of each couple, and neither event will detract from the other. You do not have sole rights to getting married, be gracious and pleased for them, as hopefully they are for you.

EvilHerbivore · 03/09/2020 16:10

'Considerate to consider us in their planning' - how?
What do you really have wanted them to do? Have a year/2 years/5 years gap between your wedding so you got to bask for a while? Or is it because they'll now 'be first'? I just don't understand, you're marrying someone you love in a way you want and your families are loving and supportive, surely there's literally no issue