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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Stress

91 replies

Brideorbridezilla · 03/09/2020 15:30

Really need to hear what the general consensus is on this issue...

My fiance and I got engaged in May and we are planning our wedding for mid July next year. We would both have been the first in our families to be getting married.

My fiancé's brother and his longterm girlfriend have recently also got engaged and announced they will be getting married early next year (late Jan/early Feb).

My partner had spoken to his brother before our engagement to let him know he was planning to ask me soon to make sure it didn't impact on his brothers plans in any way and his brother didn't mention any wedding plans then.

AIBU to think his brother and partner have totally taken the shine off our engagement? They are saying they want a small informal event that can be arranged quickly and seem bewildered that this has upset me so much.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Elbels · 03/09/2020 16:11

What do you mean include you in their planning? They're getting married months before you?

Are you genuinely annoyed they're getting married first?

Chloemol · 03/09/2020 16:11

Time to grow up. Anyone can get married at any time.

Brighterthansunflowers · 03/09/2020 16:12

YABU

Do you seriously expect nobody close to you to get engaged in the 14 months from your engagement to wedding?

They’re just living their lives! It wasn’t the day after yours, it was several months later. And honestly, nobody cares about your engagement at this point! People celebrate when it first happens and celebrate the wedding but the bit in the middle is totally boring for anyone except the happy couple.

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 03/09/2020 16:12

I’m getting married next year and a few months after announcing it my friend said she’s also getting married next year in exactly the same place-openly admitting that she was influenced by our decision!

Doesn’t bother me in the slightest, it’s a free country. Our wedding is ours and theirs is theirs. Aren’t you happy for your fiancés brother and his partner?

TeenPlusTwenties · 03/09/2020 16:13

They are 5-6 months before you.
Stepping on your toes would be 2 weeks before you.

Congrats and enjoy your day. Flowers

Brighterthansunflowers · 03/09/2020 16:13

And if this is a reverse just say so now, they’re even more boring than other people’s engagements!

mmgirish · 03/09/2020 16:13

YABU. You also shouldn't make other people feel bad about planning their own wedding. It's not like they planned it the weekend before.

Gazelda · 03/09/2020 16:19

How do you think the other bride is feeling now? Her beloved proposed to her but now she's got a SIL-to-be creating drama about her engagement. You've taken the shine of her engagement.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2020 16:19

They are saying they want a small informal event that can be arranged quickly and seem bewildered that this has upset me so much.

You actuallytold them how upset you are about this? You will never, ever live this down and they will never forget your outrageous behaviour. Your sense of entitlement and self-importance is truly unbelievable.

MoonBase10 · 03/09/2020 16:22

This must be a reverse surely!!??

Surely in adult life a number of people get engaged married or other life events in a simmilar year or timescale??

So strange that you would care if this isnt a reverse

My dad and his 2 brothers all got married withing 18months of each other. Only one of the brothers are still married to the first wife. So focus less on the wedding and more on the marriage!!

Yellow2576 · 03/09/2020 16:22

YABU.
DB1 got engaged in August and married in dec (same year).
BD2 got engaged in Nov (same year as DB1) and married in June 7 months later (toDB1s wife’s sister)
I got engaged 18m before DB1 and married in the March between DB1 and DB2s wedding.
DM was on first name terms with the owner of the hat shop.
All the weddings were totally different.

Brieminewine · 03/09/2020 16:24

Oh god what a drama llama 😂👎🏻

Hahaha88 · 03/09/2020 16:27

Did you actually tell them you were upset?!

claireyjs · 03/09/2020 16:31

I feel for your future bil if youre going to act like a spoilt brat every time he does something.

nanbread · 03/09/2020 16:31

I'm so confused, there's 5 months between your weddings not 5 days??

islandislandisland · 03/09/2020 16:31

We got engaged a while after two sets of friends and booked our wedding for 5 months after the engagement (very small do), and before their weddings, because I was pregnant and I thought it would be easier to do a wedding during pregnancy than with a baby in tow. For us it was very much a formality and so we didn't need ages to plan and organise it. I did consider our friends and asked if they were ok with it but ultimately what was best for us has no bearing on what they were doing, there's no rule that says you have to wait until people who got engaged before you have married. None of us have any overlap in guests because we don't share any other mutual friends which helps I think. In the end all of us have had to reschedule because of covid so it didn't matter!

Ohtherewearethen · 03/09/2020 16:33

I'd give you the benefit of the doubt if you were secretly just feeling a bit peeved but once I read that you've actually told them this I changed my mind completely. I can't believe that during one of their happiest moments you made it all about you. I feel sorry for them if they go on to have the first grandchild too, or even in the same year as any potential children you may have. You've behaved really badly and you've taken the shine off their happy moments. You can't undo that if course, even if you apologised they will always remember your reaction.

Pringlemonster · 03/09/2020 16:34

So a year later will we have a thread saying she got pregnant before me ,how dare she
Then she’s using the same baby name as us
And on it goes

VenusClapTrap · 03/09/2020 16:34

If this has taken the shine off your engagement to your fiancé it doesn’t say much about your reasons for getting married. If I was your partner I would be questioning my choices...

Original poster
Brideorbridezilla · 03/09/2020 16:35

I dont know what a reverse means? I can see I didn't think it through thoroughly, I had only discussed it with my H2B and friend and they had both felt the same as me but we should have looked at it from their POV. I do think we have upset them by mentioning it but I will apologise and try to undo any damage. We really are happy for them to be getting married as well, I think wedding planning has just stressed me a bit.

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 03/09/2020 16:38

@MerylBleep actually, they did that ‘mix up the tables’ thing that another post discussed earlier today, so no, they definitely didn’t Smile

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2020 16:42

I do think we have upset them by mentioning it but I will apologise and try to undo any damage.

You think? Of course you have, deeply I imagine. You have turned a happy time in their life into something all about you. You can try to apologise, but I doubt it will change how they now feel about you. Harsh, but it's the truth.

SpaceOP · 03/09/2020 16:50

Your apology needs to be heartfelt and genuine. It sounds like you understand how unreasonable you were being now, so that's good. But you are going to have to do the work to undo the damage.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 03/09/2020 16:51

You will have to work some to undo the damage cause.

You perceive that they have taken the shine off your engagement by getting married months before you, whereas you have actually taken the shine off their event by letting them know you don't approve and making it about yourself.

Better hope they are not the type to hold a grudge and announce that she is pregnant at your wedding I would

Trikc · 03/09/2020 16:53

Fair play OP for taking on board the comments on this thread. You were being really daft but it looks like you realise this now. An apology should do the trick and then you can get on with planning your wedding.

Hopefully you will not be as sensitive when it comes to starting families and all the million of other things that happen in life. You need to remember to concentrate on you and your DH and not get competitive or too involved with what other family members are doing. It really is silly.

You do you...