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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Stress

91 replies

Brideorbridezilla · 03/09/2020 15:30

Really need to hear what the general consensus is on this issue...

My fiance and I got engaged in May and we are planning our wedding for mid July next year. We would both have been the first in our families to be getting married.

My fiancé's brother and his longterm girlfriend have recently also got engaged and announced they will be getting married early next year (late Jan/early Feb).

My partner had spoken to his brother before our engagement to let him know he was planning to ask me soon to make sure it didn't impact on his brothers plans in any way and his brother didn't mention any wedding plans then.

AIBU to think his brother and partner have totally taken the shine off our engagement? They are saying they want a small informal event that can be arranged quickly and seem bewildered that this has upset me so much.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SBTLove · 03/09/2020 16:54

‘The Shine’?
You have to be admired and praised for a year because you’re engaged??
You’re sliding into Bridezilla territory here, calm yourself 🙄

diddl · 03/09/2020 17:03

You decided to wait over a year from engagement to wedding.

Unless they wanted to wait as long, their wedding was always going to be before yours.

2bazookas · 03/09/2020 17:08

None of your parents were married? At least that explains why you're both such silly bastards.

Sarahpaula · 03/09/2020 17:13

I am laughing at "taking the shine of our wedding".

If only you knew how boring people think weddings are. I refused to go to the last teo weddings that I was invited to.

You want the whole year to be about you.
You don't get to control when other adults marry

minnieok · 03/09/2020 17:13

Totally YABU. If they had announced their wedding for June then that's unfair of them but as long as there's a 3 month window then that's fair enough.

Sarahpaula · 03/09/2020 17:18

You would ideally like the whole year to be about you, and for no other family members to get engaged.

I can see why you would want that, so everyone would be talking about your wedding, and your wedding alone all year.

However it does not work like that in reality. As you have found out. If people want to get married they are not going to wait a year, so that they don't take the shine off you. I have two female cousins getting married next year.

I think you should apologise to them. You are being nasty to them, at what is a once off time in their lives

BasiliskStare · 03/09/2020 17:19

@BrideorBridezilla Ha ha ha - my BIL got married shortly before we did - we chose our date he chose his - not with a week or so - more months. He told everyone about engagement before we did ( we were just about to say but left it a while as it was his thing ) You know what coming up to my silver wedding - it does not matter one jot. The same day / weekend 'well I could see that but really I think you are looking for problems which don't exist.

Good for you for relaxing about it. Everyone's marriage is their own , whatever, and I am sure you will have a lovely day - I hope so and best wishes.

Daphnise · 03/09/2020 17:28

I think you have been told......

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 03/09/2020 17:34

You owe them a massive apology.

If they'd schedule their wedding 2 weeks before yours AND it would have required relative who live far away to choose between the two weddings time and travel wise, then a discussion should have been held.

But 6 months apart?

They'd have rightfully told you to fuck off with that level of entitlement.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 03/09/2020 17:36

I was also rather hoping that 2020 would have made people realise that wasting many thousands of hard saved up for pounds on a party that lasts less than a day is stupid.

Sarahpaula · 03/09/2020 17:54

I hate going to weddings. Has anyone here actually enjoyed a wedding?

London1066 · 03/09/2020 18:07

Some people are very sensitive about weddings (particularly their own). I think you're taking it too much to heart.

I think you should remember why you're getting married in the first place - to be married. Other people will want to celebrate with you on the day but to be honest people don't really care that much about other people's weddings.

*i mean this in the nicest possible way

Just do it for you and your partner and forget what they're doing. Try not to compare or be in competition. Marriage is about 2 people and the wedding is just one day.

DoubleDolphin · 03/09/2020 18:08

Take the shine off your engagement!! For who? And why? Because they got engaged too? Sorry OP, but this is very very silly. I think you need to prepare yourself, they will probably have kids before you too.

Sexnotgender · 03/09/2020 18:09

So long as they are having a completely different style of wedding to you, then you should be fine.

Sorry what?

YABVU. Grow up.

London1066 · 03/09/2020 18:13

@Gazelda

How do you think the other bride is feeling now? Her beloved proposed to her but now she's got a SIL-to-be creating drama about her engagement. You've taken the shine of her engagement.

I missed this in your first post OP.

When we got married my (now) SIL complained to my friends for the whole day that she and my brother weren't even engaged yet and she just knew I was going to 'have a baby first'.

I thought it was all very sad that she cared so much (as did my friends who had to listen)

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2020 18:13

If wedding planning is causing you stress then you’re doing it wrong. It’s one day. You’re having a wedding in order to be married. Chill out. It’s about the two of you, no need for competition. Apologise, properly. Try not to get caught up in this sort of teen angst again about anything else.

hexmeginny · 03/09/2020 18:19

LMFAO! "The Shine" Oh dear god OP - that's a classic.
Getting married for all the wrong reasons I see. Can't see your marriage lasting beyond five years.

DamitJanet · 03/09/2020 18:20

What did you say to them??

DalzielandPaxo · 03/09/2020 18:23

God help your BIL and SIL if they have the first grandchild. It sounds like tut might scratch their eyes right out...

maddy68 · 03/09/2020 18:58

Eh??? You're bonkers. Because you're getting married no-one else should?

iklboo · 03/09/2020 19:12

Up from the depths
Thirty stories high
Breathing fire
Her head up her arse in the sky
BRIDEZILLA! BRIDEZILLA! BRIDEZILLA!

VenusClapTrap · 03/09/2020 19:13

@Sarahpaula

I hate going to weddings. Has anyone here actually enjoyed a wedding?
I love weddings.
agododopushpineapple · 03/09/2020 19:34

You’re going to get flamed but - we got engaged after my BIL - we purposely did wait until after their wedding before having ours.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 03/09/2020 19:37

Haha this is hilarious.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2020 19:37

I love weddings! Been to some wonderful ones. There has been a strong correlation between couples who get very stressy and precious about the preparations and weddings which were stressy and precious to attend. Generally the more you hear about how awful and stressful it all is beforehand the less fun and relaxing they are for guests on the day...