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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP bought someone else flowers AIBU?

107 replies

BumbleFlump · 02/09/2020 23:08

DP currently working away, this is an ongoing thing for a while, back at weekends.

He told me earlier that one of the employees got angry and swore at the receptionist where they’re working. The person has now been removed from the job but DP got bollocked for it as he is also responsible for supplying staff. The guy DP works for asked DP to buy the receptionist some flowers as an apology, which he did.

I’m feeling a bit odd about all this as he’s working away and now buying other women who work there flowers. I completely understand that something needed to be done by way of an apology but FLOWERS?! Wouldn’t some chocolate or wine have been ok?

Would like to point out that DP was under no obligation to follow through and buy flowers exactly, he could have bought anything else.

Am I being a bit ridiculous here?

OP posts:

Feagle · 03/09/2020 06:21

What everyone else said. Plus a male friend of mine bought me flowers as a cheering-up present without either of us viewing this as a romantic gesture OR starting to rip one another’s clothes off.

LadyPenelope68 · 03/09/2020 06:23

If he did it of his own accord I'd be a bit confused, but as his boss told him to do it I don't think it's a big deal
Why would it be a big issue if he did it of his own accord? Someone had been upset by the way they were treated by another colleague and her DH did something nice and kind to cheer her up/aplogise. How on earth is that wrong??

julybaby32 · 03/09/2020 06:30

My line manager (male) bought me flowers for extra work from home during lockdown. My line manager's line manager ( also male) bought flowers for a colleague who was going through a really tough time at home. (He got me to choose them since I knew her socially and paid for them himself.) Have had thank you and apology flowers from female managers and members of staff.
Suspect my line manager had the idea of flowers suggested to him by his line manager. All absolutely unexceptional and I have received flowers in similar situations from female colleagues too.

Mangofandangoo · 03/09/2020 06:36

Flowers were the most appropriate in this situation. Buying wine would have been bad

chubbyhotchoc · 03/09/2020 06:40

Idk is this a scenario where you found the transaction and this is the excuse he gave? If so it sounds a little like a far fetched story and yanbu

eatsleepread · 03/09/2020 06:51

YABU.

Boomclaps · 03/09/2020 07:08

Hope you feel better after some sleep OO

CausingChaos2 · 03/09/2020 07:12

Assuming you posted because your gut is telling you something is wrong...

Is he definitely ‘working away’ during the week or could he be living a double life? Have you ever visited where he stays in the week?

PicsInRed · 03/09/2020 07:14

Had he expense claimed it and had it paid from work back to your bank account?

Bellyfullofbiscuits · 03/09/2020 07:15

Did he pay for them ?

UnfinishedSymphon · 03/09/2020 07:20

His boss told him to do something and he did it, he obviously told you about it too. You're being silly.

To the poster who said flowers are better than chocolates....nah

Covert19 · 03/09/2020 07:23

It’s hard when DH works away all week not to feel that his colleagues get more of his time and attention than you do. When you see him doing something thoughtful for a colleague, and perhaps he hasn’t done anything thoughtful for you for a while, it grates. Maybe address this with him?

SavoyCabbage · 03/09/2020 07:27

If it’s going to show up on your joint account or credit card then I’d be a bit suspicious that he’s just accidentally paid by card and then panicked and made up the boss/receptionist story to cover his tracks.

That'd what I thought too.

ChangedMyNameYetAgain · 03/09/2020 07:28

Not RTFT.
@BumbleFlump, it might just be a story.
It could be that he thought you might see on a credit card statement that he'd bought flowers and that he made up a plausible excuse.

I’m feeling a bit odd about all this as he’s working away and now buying other women who work there flowers.
He's working away, so has the opportunity to get up to all sorts.

It's a red flag. Be vigilant. Set your boundaries.

eaglejulesk · 03/09/2020 07:29

You are being ridiculous! He was asked to buy a gift, he did so, end of. Flowers are a standard gift for another worker, and why would wine or chocolates (which the receiver might not be able to enjoy for one reason or another) be any different? - flowers are a more safe choice. Honestly, you sound like hard work.

MsTSwift · 03/09/2020 07:33

My work brought me flowers after I had worked hard and closed a deal. I stood outside the office waiting for a cab and a passerby said “wow someone loved you very much” I was single at the time and abit 🙁 the flowers were from flipping work and not a hunky boyfriend! Fortunately met him (at work) a few months later and is now dh !

Emmie12345 · 03/09/2020 07:35

Hi... aw poor you . I would say trust your instincts. If this unsettles you and feels lie something is weird , trust your gut (if you are otherwise fairly stable lol!)

Sounds like he felt uncomfy telling you ?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 03/09/2020 07:38

@BadLad 🤣🤣🤣🤣

wildcherries · 03/09/2020 07:41

@thefourgp

He hasn’t bought flowers for ‘women’. He bought them for one woman when told to do so by his boss. Yabu OP.

This.

Agree with others that your title is misleading.

Aridane · 03/09/2020 08:10

Hi... aw poor you . I would say trust your instincts. If this unsettles you and feels lie something is weird , trust your gut (if you are otherwise fairly stable lol!)

There’s always one

OP - you are of course being ridiculous (as you know)

chubbyhotchoc · 03/09/2020 13:03

I think people are being a bit harsh. We don't have the full story here. If she found this transaction and she only had his word on this story it could well be suspect

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2020 13:07

It is so easy to overthink things and get them out of proportion when you are tired, @BumbleFlump - I sympathise.

I voted YABU because flowers are not only a romantic gift/gesture - they are routinely given if someone is in hospital, or has had a baby, or suffered a loss, or when someone leaves a job, or as a gift to one's host or hostess when you are visiting/going for dinner, or, as in this case as an apology and gesture of appreciation to a colleague or employee.

Florencex · 03/09/2020 13:14

Unless you don’t believe the story about the incident and the boss telling him to buy flowers YABVU. If however you think it is not true then you haven’t really framed the OP correctly.

If you believe the story of the incident then I am bewildered by the *but FLOWERS” in your first post. It is perfectly normal to buy flowers for somebody else for a whole host of reasons.

Zakana · 03/09/2020 14:01

When I worked abroad, my boss used to bring me perfume back on every business trip he went on, and I can assure you, it was a perfectly professional relationship. Any girls in the office would get flowers on Valentine’s Day each year as well! Mind you, I used to child mind for both him and his wife regularly in the evenings and he also bought a mini cruise for myself and my DP as a thank you! So no, flowers requested to be sent by someone senior as an apology, no problem at all, rest easy.

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2020 14:04

This is quite normal work place behaviour. We buy flowers for different things, like a thank you etc. It’s hardly a romantic gesture.

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