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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP bought someone else flowers AIBU?

107 replies

BumbleFlump · 02/09/2020 23:08

DP currently working away, this is an ongoing thing for a while, back at weekends.

He told me earlier that one of the employees got angry and swore at the receptionist where they’re working. The person has now been removed from the job but DP got bollocked for it as he is also responsible for supplying staff. The guy DP works for asked DP to buy the receptionist some flowers as an apology, which he did.

I’m feeling a bit odd about all this as he’s working away and now buying other women who work there flowers. I completely understand that something needed to be done by way of an apology but FLOWERS?! Wouldn’t some chocolate or wine have been ok?

Would like to point out that DP was under no obligation to follow through and buy flowers exactly, he could have bought anything else.

Am I being a bit ridiculous here?

OP posts:
thefourgp · 02/09/2020 23:27

He hasn’t bought flowers for ‘women’. He bought them for one woman when told to do so by his boss. Yabu OP.

Bizawit · 02/09/2020 23:29

This is bonkers 🤣

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 02/09/2020 23:35

What? Uses you think he is lying, what on earth are you worried about?

Chloemol · 02/09/2020 23:35

Grow up, he was asked to do something by his boss, he did that

SentientAndCognisant · 02/09/2020 23:36

It’s been fraught at work and as a conciliatory gesture he’s bought flowers
He’s trying to protect his employer reputation and acknowledge their rep got it wrong
It’s professional not personal

gutentag1 · 02/09/2020 23:36

If he did it of his own accord I'd be a bit Confused, but as his boss told him to do it I don't think it's a big deal.

happinessischocolate · 02/09/2020 23:39

If it’s going to show up on your joint account or credit card then I’d be a bit suspicious that he’s just accidentally paid by card and then panicked and made up the boss/receptionist story to cover his tracks.

This was my first thought. Did you hear the story about what had happened before the flowers were paid for, or afterwards.

SentientAndCognisant · 02/09/2020 23:39

Even if he did it of own volition it’s still ok
He arranges agency staff,one of whom has gone tonto to the receptionist
That’s your dh professional reputation - he’s reaching out,apologising to make things ok
Also it’s a decent thing to do

DaisyDreaming · 02/09/2020 23:40

You should be pleased that your husband has done a nice thing for someone who is upset. Flowers are a very suitable gift/gesture for the situation.

BackforGood · 02/09/2020 23:41

Plus, as you know, I'm presuming that he's told you this.... not keeping it as some kind of secret - though, if this is your reaction, he probably now would if he ever had to do it again.

Still can't get my head round the fact that you think buying some flowers for a work reason is odd. Have you never seen a colleague get flowers for someone 'on behalf of the team' (or company) ?

madcatladyforever · 02/09/2020 23:42

You are being absolutely ridiculous. Flowers are the universal apology for a fuck up and nothing else in this instance.

louderthan · 02/09/2020 23:47

Madness. I'd think buying wine for a complete stranger was much more weird.

Mellonsprite · 02/09/2020 23:47

He’s bought the.m in behalf of the company right? Not just a gift from himself?

akerman · 02/09/2020 23:48

My male boss bought me flowers when I was cleared of a malicious complaint.
I bought him flowers when his dog was killed.
Neither of our spouses minded.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/09/2020 23:49

No matter how tired a normal person is, this just wouldn't be odd. Shock It's an apology for one of his staff who he is responsible for being out of line. I don't understand why chocolates would be any difference nor do I understand why flowers as an apology are not acceptable. Are these things reserved only for a partner now?

This site is really sometimes like a different world😂

Serin · 02/09/2020 23:51

What?
They are flowers, not a tube of flavoured lube and some sexy underwear.

Serin · 02/09/2020 23:53

OMG! Just realised DH took a bag of home grown tomatoes in for his colleague today.
Should I be worried?
[Shock]

SentientAndCognisant · 02/09/2020 23:55

If he bought he edible pants, yes worry
Flowers, are a universal gesture to acknowledge something

Original poster
BumbleFlump · 02/09/2020 23:55

This You should be pleased that your husband has done a nice thing for someone who is upset. Flowers are a very suitable gift/gesture for the situation.

As I said, I’m very tired but know now that I’m being ridiculous. When he initially told me what happened, I didn’t think anything of it but he did seem slightly awkward about it all...I think he was worried I’d be upset. No history of anything like that so maybe it’s just linked to being away.

OP posts:
hastingsmua1 · 02/09/2020 23:56

You sound like hard work. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who gets jealous like this. You even say you understand why she received the followers to begin with, and it has nothing to do with him courting her as a potential affair partner.

She’s obviously a valued employee who unnecessarily had to sit through the verbal abuse, she was given the flowers by your husband ON BEHALF of their company as an apology and token of their appreciation for her hard work.

Flowers aren’t exclusively gifted between people who are dating you know. Pretty much every single colleague who leaves my company are given flowers (or a plant even). Flowers are just a token gift for any occasion. There are people who would argue that wine or chocolates are more personal.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/09/2020 23:56

@Serin

OMG! Just realised DH took a bag of home grown tomatoes in for his colleague today. Should I be worried? [Shock]
The bastard! Where does he work and are they hiring? 😂
1Morewineplease · 02/09/2020 23:56

Flowers would be perfect in this scenario.
Not sure why you'd have a problem with this.

ViciousJackdaw · 02/09/2020 23:57

Oh come on now, they were Apology Flowers. You don't want a bunch of those, do you?

Is this really about the flowers though? I suspect not. Do you perhaps feel underappreciated or taken for granted? Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick. Anyway, hope you get a good nights sleep.

TorgosPizza · 02/09/2020 23:57

Unless it was a dozen long-stemmed red roses or a bouquet of those tasteful (and oh-so-useful) roses made out of carefully folded lacy underwear, it's fine. Wink

I'd rather have chocolate than flowers, anyway. Grin

cdtaylornats · 02/09/2020 23:57

He might buy them on his own card and claim it back as expenses.

My friends wife got a new job, her first as head teacher and I knew he wouldn't do anything so I sent her flowers.

She loved it because they turned up and her secretary brought them in with the words "you must have a lovely husband" and she replied "they aren't from my husband".
She said she was the talk of the staffroom for months until they met her husband and forced the truth out.