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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have DD christened even though we aren't very religious?

125 replies

olive196 · 01/09/2020 20:33

DP and I are undecided on whether we want DD to be christened. We're both family Christian families, grew up going to church every week but we're also both not very religious now. By that I mean I go to church on special occasions or sometimes just to go with my family but I wouldn't call myself a Christian, I don't think I actually believe in God and DP is similar. It's difficult because I'm the first of my family to not be.

OP posts:
PopsicleHustler · 02/09/2020 10:40

If some if you dont belive in God, then that's your own choice. But no need for swearing because there are millions of people who do.

seayork2020 · 02/09/2020 10:43

We did because of a family connection to a church on DH side, i was not bothered either way so for tradition I was happy to do it

Other wise i would not have throught to so i have no opinion either way

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/09/2020 10:44

My friend is a vicar and they didn’t have their DC christened. They respect their children’s rights to choose their own faith.

Greenteandchives · 02/09/2020 10:51

I agree Popsicle. It seems as if Christianity is fair game on these boards. Nasty.

Monkeynuts18 · 02/09/2020 11:02

We are having our child christened even though neither of us are particularly religious. I don’t believe but I also don’t not believe - I’m not a militant atheist.

The main reason is that my PILs are very religious (my FIL is/was a priest). They probably don’t have that much longer to live and it would make them very happy to see it happen - and sad if it didn’t happen.

I can’t see that it will do any harm to have the ceremony, particularly while our son’s too young to remember, but I think it might do harm to not have it.

I think you can take the level of meaning you want from something. Like Christmas. You don’t have to have faith to derive some meaning from Christmas, for example.

forgetthehousework · 02/09/2020 11:05

@Greenteandchives

I agree Popsicle. It seems as if Christianity is fair game on these boards. Nasty.
Yes indeed. If posters made the same kind of remarks about any other faith group they would be pulled up for being intolerant/prejudiced/bigoted. Just try it - substitute the word Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Buddhist for Christian ...
TantricTwist · 02/09/2020 11:34

I had both of my DC baptised in my local church which the Vicar was really happy to do.

I just felt strange at the thought of them not being baptised as I am C of E despite not really attending church services.
I feel that if you are undecided you may feel a bit uncomfortable at not getting them baptised, just in case, which was my underlying feeling.

Sixgeese · 02/09/2020 11:34

I am a Christian but as I believe being a Christian is a personal choice I didn't get my children Christened.

We had a Thanksgiving or Dedication service for them as babies where we thanked God for them and we (and the church) promised to encourage and guide them.

If they chose to become a Christian when they get older I would be thrilled but faith is a personal choice.

I am a Godparent though, one of my closest friends asked if I would be one of the Godmothers for her children as she wanted one of the Godparents to believe in God, out of the 4 Godparents I can safely say I was the only one who does.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/09/2020 11:40

What reason do you have for wanting your child christened?

Why have her christened when you sound like you are atheists?

Will you lie to the vicar about bringing your child up as a Christian?

Candlesonthetable · 02/09/2020 11:51

I am a Christian, and married to a vicar. We know full well that many people (Christian, and non-Christian) are making promises at baptisms, and even at weddings, that they will not keep, whether they intend to or not. We have plenty of families have their babies baptised that we never see again. It doesn't matter to us. Our church is not just for the benefit of its sunday attendees, but for the whole community. The benefit to us is that when a teenage girl comes into the church crying because she has been self-harming and can't bear to tell her parents, teachers or friends that she thinks she might be pregnant, or when the alcoholic, homeless guy wanders in off the street they often say something along the lines of "I didnt think you would help me, but I have been christened, so I thought it might be ok".

It gives them a sense of belonging and almost a right to come and ask for help. Of course this is nonsense - we would help anyone, baptised or not, Christian or not. It wouldn't even occur to us to ask! And also a christening doesnt make a child a Christian, nor a member of the church. But if it gives someone a little encouragement when they are in a dark place that they can come to us and ask for support, then I think it's worth it.

unicornpower · 02/09/2020 11:56

Why would you want to christen her if you don't believe in God? I personally wouldn't do it. Kind of like people who want to get married in church yet aren't believers or church goers but want the big church wedding. very hypocritical.

AhNowTed · 02/09/2020 11:56

I wouldn't and didn't. I'm an atheist, DH lapsed Catholic on the fence agnostic.

His parents are very religious. No way would I baptise my children into a faith system I fundamentally didn't believe in, just to appease someone else. That sounds nuts.

Porcupineinwaiting · 02/09/2020 11:57

@forgetthehousework not so. Christianity is the state religion in the uk and the only one enforced on the population (historically and still today to a lesser extent). That gives everyone the right to object to it when it infringes on their beliefs and liberties.

Baaaahhhhh · 02/09/2020 12:02

My DD's weren't Christened, I am a baptised Catholic and DH a baptised Protestant, but neither of us believe in a religious God. We were pushed into having a church wedding for our parents benefit, and because we have Bishops etc in the family, but now regret it, although at the time, there wasn't all the alternatives you have now, which we would have preferred.

Both girls went to a Catholic (private) school though. Yes, they had to do all the Catholic teachings, but also learnt extensively about other religions too. It gave them a good understanding of what it is all about, they certainly weren't going to get that from me. In the end they have both ended up non-believers too.

Greenteandchives · 02/09/2020 12:07

porcupine but no need to be so downright nasty imo about other people’s beliefs as seen on this thread and many others. By all means don’t participate in religion if you don’t want to. I don’t agree that Christianity is ‘enforced’ either.

Porcupineinwaiting · 02/09/2020 12:12

Then maybe have a bit more of a look at how we are governed and how are many laws have been and are made.

Porcupineinwaiting · 02/09/2020 12:13

our laws

And look at our education system too

Toddlerteaplease · 02/09/2020 12:21

No. It would be disingenuous if you have no intention to bring them up in the faith. You are making solemn promises.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/09/2020 12:22

@PurBal no it really isn't more than the religious aspects!

AuntyPasta · 02/09/2020 12:26

I’d check school catchments and requirements and choose based on that.

araiwa · 02/09/2020 12:51

@Greenteandchives

I agree Popsicle. It seems as if Christianity is fair game on these boards. Nasty.
Of course its fair game. Why wouldnt it be?

Its more likely to be commented on in the uk as it affects more people

Winniewonka · 02/09/2020 12:57

@Candlesonthetable. Thank you, finally a post that shows the true meaning of Christianity!

Katela18 · 02/09/2020 13:17

If you don't plan to bring your child up in the church I would say no.

We aren't christening our 7 month old even though there is a reasonable amount of family pressure to do so. We aren't practising Christians so I would feel hypocritical and disrespectful promising to do something im not going to do, particularly as for some people that really means a lot!

We will however be open with our DD about religion and make sure she knows we would support her if she decided she wanted to go down that route herself.

Stripesgalore · 02/09/2020 13:24

I am an atheist and had my kids baptised. I also taught them a lot about Christianity and had kids’ books with the parables in them.

I have religious family members and it made them happy. I also think that if you’ve been brought up with no little cultural experience of religion it can leave you quite vulnerable to cults and evangelism as an adult.

AMightyOak · 02/09/2020 13:41

@riotlady

I’m a Christian and I think baptism should be for everyone, you take the level of meaning from it that feels right to you. It’s supposed to be a gift freely offered, with no strings attached. I hate it when churches make people jump through loads of hoops to access it.
Isn’t what Jesus says about it “repent and be baptised”? It’s a way for believers to publicly show their faith. I can’t see how that means everyone.
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