To have DD christened even though we aren't very religious?

[olive196]

DP and I are undecided on whether we want DD to be christened. We're both family Christian families, grew up going to church every week but we're also both not very religious now. By that I mean I go to church on special occasions or sometimes just to go with my family but I wouldn't call myself a Christian, I don't think I actually believe in God and DP is similar. It's difficult because I'm the first of my family to not be.

Why would you then?

YABU. If you don’t believe in God and don’t intend to bring the child up in that religion it’s hypocritical and makes a mockery of the service.

If you like the tradition of a party you could have a naming ceremony which can be tailored to you and your family.

I did it, only because I'm Catholic and the local catholoc primary was by far the best.

I supported them through it though, went to church etc. One chose to take holy communion, one didn't. Neither chose the Catholic high school and neither have any faith now.

Being perfectly honest had it not been for the school aspect I probably wouldn't have bothered and maybe just gone out for a meal with close family to celebrate their births.

I was christened. Parents weren't religious but saw it as "the done thing" at the time. It's hypocritical from the start. DD was not christened and I resisted the pressure put on me by her father's (lapsed) Roman Catholic family. I believe it's not my choice to make. As an atheist I can't undo my christening. I'm vegetarian. DD isn't. Not my choice. A naming ceremony would be a nice way to go about it.

as you know yourselves , it doesnt actually commit her to anything.

It commits the parents (and Godparents if you have them) to something quite big though - to bring the child up in the faith.
Why would anyone arrange to stand up in public and blatently lie ?

I love going to christenings and weddings, the music in a church is my fave. But YABU to do this if you are not religious. You would be basically standing up and lying. Although you don't believe others do and it is very disrespectful to them.
I am not religious as this is why I chose not to christen my DS and will not marry in a church, no matter how much I love them. It wouldn't be right.

I really don’t get the claim that it’s cultural appropriation- it’s her own culture! Yes, she might not be sure whether she believes in it but it’s still her own tradition and I completely understand the desire to celebrate the birth of her children through the ritual which has most meaning and resonance for her, rather than by inventing a secular alternative. Almost everyone I grew up with is christened/had their children christened and very few agonised about whether they believed fervently enough to be allowed to do it.

I did because I wanted her to get into a particular school.

I'm not sure if I believe in God, but in not sure I don't either.

I don't think the Catholic church can afford to be picky about who joins and good what reasons after their disgraceful behavior over the years.

Am I using it for my own ends, yeah. Do I feel bad? Not even slightly.

I am Christian. My kids have not been Christened. We had a dedication ceremony, where they were blessed and prayed for. I think they shoudl choose for themselves as adult if they want to get baptised. It is not for me to choose for them.

if you have a look at the words of the baptism service (Christening) you make promises to bring your child up teaching them about God, as do the god parents. I think it is shocking how many people stand and make these promises when they have no intention of acting on them.

many churches will do a naming ceremong, or a blessing ceremony of some sort, without the actual baptism part.
It is lovely to have an event, but it doesn't have to include baptism.

So gross, people indoctrinating their kids to sky fairy bullshit!

I don't think I actually believe in God and DP is similar.

You don’t even believe in a God. The one absolute basic - otherwise you’re just lobbing tepid water over a baby’s head in front of audience for a laugh.

Of course you’re BU! Don’t take the piss just to keep your family sweet. Go for a naming ceremony.

If you don't believe in it, what's the point?

Lots of my friends have done it to get their kids into a nice local Catholic school, usually because they're on the edge of the catchment area. I think if I was religious I would find it very hypocritical but as I'm not I dont especially care. We had a naming ceremony for ours and they were really lovely, made promises to the kids almost like wedding vow types (I promise to love you unconditionally, I promise to always let you be yourself etc) as did the guardians we chose. I read their favourite book out with a slideshow of photos of them and then we had a party. Was lovely, all the good bits of a christening (for someone non religious i mean) but far simpler

To get into church schools you usually need christening +attendance + brass polishing/flower arranging/some other contributions

So if that's part of your thinking you probably should to give you options in the future..

This seems to ramp up from yr3 to get into the favoured secondaries..

If not an issue near you then not sure why you'd bother if your not religious yourselves..

I haven't with either of mine. I don't believe in God, I consider it would be hypocritical for me to do so (My mother hit the roof, she is religious, she said some nasty unforgivable things things about my baby not being christened).

My children when they are old enough to they can decide for themselves.

If you are not religious/don't believe ask yourself why you want to do it/think you should?

I wouldnt want the church using my child to articially inflate their membership numbers making the church seem more important than it is

@AfterSchoolWorry

I did because I wanted her to get into a particular school.

I'm not sure if I believe in God, but in not sure I don't either.

I don't think the Catholic church can afford to be picky about who joins and good what reasons after their disgraceful behavior over the years.

Am I using it for my own ends, yeah. Do I feel bad? Not even slightly.

If you don’t like the Catholic Church you shouldn’t be using its schools. Not least because the children learn extensively about the faith - if you’re so against it, then why would you want your children to learn the faith at school?!

YANBU. We will. We’re both atheists but we married in a church with a religious ceremony and we’ll be christening our children.

It’s tradition; it’s what you do. It wouldn’t have been a real wedding to us if it hadn’t been in a church and equally so it wouldn’t be right not to christen our children.

I think all these naming and civil ceremonies are just silly knockoffs of the real deal.

@araiwa

I wouldnt want the church using my child to articially inflate their membership numbers making the church seem more important than it is

Children' don't go onto the electoral roll and you don't have to be on the electoral roll to have your child christened, so having a child christened has no effect at all on membership numbers.

If you don't belive in God don't do it. It's an empty pointless gesture. If you want the part and memories have a naming ceremony. I'm not religious and believe people should get to choose their religion so don't agree with it anyway. But it is especially problematic when you aren't religious. Why would you do it?

If it involved just going to church and making the solemn vows, with no frills, frocks or fuss, would you bother? Seems that for many, it's just an excuse to get dressed up and throw a party. It shouldn't be trivialised in this way.

I’m a Christian and I think baptism should be for everyone, you take the level of meaning from it that feels right to you.

I agree with this. I see a christening as a formal ceremony to invite the godparents into your family. It meant a great deal to us, even though we are not religious. However, church services were very important when I was a child, and I still like the traditions surrounding them.

Most of the families I know locally who have done it, have done it to get their kid into the best local school (C of E)

At our church (evangelical C of E), most children who are christened have parents who DON'T go to church regularly or profess faith. Most Christian parents at our church have their children dedicated so they can decide to be confirmed later and baptised on their own recognition. We also aren't a dressy church, so you know families dressed to the nines with fancy wedding clothes and hats are always there for a christening. It's fine, but some churches will want to meet and discuss faith with you. Also, they may want you to have professing Christian godparents.

YABU I tend to turn down invitations to Christenings when they family are clearly not religious.
Why not have a family gathering to welcome the child into the family?