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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have DD christened even though we aren't very religious?

125 replies

olive196 · 01/09/2020 20:33

DP and I are undecided on whether we want DD to be christened. We're both family Christian families, grew up going to church every week but we're also both not very religious now. By that I mean I go to church on special occasions or sometimes just to go with my family but I wouldn't call myself a Christian, I don't think I actually believe in God and DP is similar. It's difficult because I'm the first of my family to not be.

OP posts:
RonaTheMoaner · 01/09/2020 21:11

I don’t think you should. What benefit is it to have them christened when you don’t believe in god?
I don’t mind attending christening for people who are religious and want to do that for their children but I will no longer attend one of the parents themselves aren’t religious!

Spied · 01/09/2020 21:14

If neither of you believe I wouldn't.
My DC didn't get christened and I believe.
I'd of loved them too however with one parent Anglican and one Catholic there were issues amongst family which could be a whole thread of their own.

Elephanora · 01/09/2020 21:18

I wouldn't... and didn't myself. Why would you?

Excited101 · 01/09/2020 21:21

Of course you shouldn’t if you’re not religious! Why on earth would you?!

bridgetreilly · 01/09/2020 21:22

Why would you want to stand up in public and make promises you have no intention of keeping and claim to believe things you don't? If you want a party, have a party. If you want a naming ceremony, have a naming ceremony. But if you aren't Christians, don't have a christening.

bridgetreilly · 01/09/2020 21:24

YANBU a baptism is so much more that the religious aspects

It isn't, though. A baptism is literally ALL about the religious aspects.

lakesidefall · 01/09/2020 21:32

Maybe a naming ceremony would be a better idea.
Otherwise you are standing up and making promises you don't believe in and have no intention of keeping.

DidoAtTheLido · 01/09/2020 21:32

Hard to say. Check catchment areas, your local schools Ofsted results and admission criteria.
Wink

Ginger1982 · 01/09/2020 21:35

YABU. A christening is a religious ceremony. If you just want pictures and a party then have a naming ceremony. If you don't believe, what's the point? It irritates me when people marry in church or get their kids christened there without demonstrating any commitment to thar church.

mrsBtheparker · 01/09/2020 21:38

Check catchment areas, your local schools Ofsted results and admission criteria
Some schools require verified attendance, or they used to. The increase in attendance when a child is coming to school age or in Year 5 is always amusing to see.

riotlady · 01/09/2020 21:42

I’m a Christian and I think baptism should be for everyone, you take the level of meaning from it that feels right to you. It’s supposed to be a gift freely offered, with no strings attached. I hate it when churches make people jump through loads of hoops to access it.

Original poster
olive196 · 01/09/2020 21:43

It's not so much pressure from my family but knowing it's important to them and the tradition of my family being Christian, I do feel a bit guilty breaking it for some reason. But I can't make myself believe in something I don't and I think my family understand that so there's not reason a reason to feel guilty. A naming ceremony sounds like a better option

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 01/09/2020 21:45

I understand the want and need to have a celebration to preset your baby to your friends and family, but if you are not religious, then a Christening is not appropriate. I’m a (very) lapsed Catholic, and DH has never practiced any religion. Our DC each had a Humanist naming ceremony instead. They were lovely ceremonies, and we met with the celebrants a few times beforehand and the ceremonies were bespoke to us. Even my Catholic mum was impressed. Humanism UK has further details.

nosswith · 01/09/2020 21:46

As neither of you are religious I don't think you should.

Bicnod · 01/09/2020 21:48

You don't say whether you want to get your DC christened. To give a slightly different viewpoint than the majority on this thread... We are similar to you - not particularly religious - but we chose to get our DC christened mainly because we wanted them to have godparents (mine were, and still are, very important to me). And also because we saw it as a way of celebrating their arrival/welcoming them into the family. We also got married in a church. Christian services like these are not just about religion, they are also part of our culture IMHO. We were honest with the vicar that we were not particularly religious and he was happy to go ahead anyway...

PurpleDaisies · 01/09/2020 21:49

I think you’re right to go for a naming ceremony. If your child becomes a Christian, they can choose baptism for themselves.

GreyishDays · 01/09/2020 21:50

You can have a humanist celebrant do a non religious naming ceremony.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/09/2020 21:51

I wouldnt.

I had my eldest three baptised as I had faith then. But the youngest ones I didnt as by then I had no faith. My father was bothered but freely admits that its because of the Catholic indoctrination he had as a child, that unbaptised people dont go to heaven. He is a non believer but the "what if its true" thing really gets to him. My mother who has a strong faith is very supportive. She understands my reasoning and agrees that me standing up in front of the church, and saying I will bring them up in the faith when I have no intentions of doing so, would make me a massive hypocrite. She has defended me very vocally to some in her church who just want them baptised regardless of my faith (or lack of).

It used to be my church and I would hate to belittle what the congregation believe, some of whom are good friends, in order to have a party. This kids dont care either way.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 01/09/2020 21:52

I’ve had to have mine done as the only decent schools in my area are catholic. They put a baptism certificate above everything in my local school. Last year a couple of students got pulled out as their siblings weren’t awarded a place despite having brothers and sisters already in the school, because they didn’t have a baptism certificate

QuestionMarkNow · 01/09/2020 21:56

I did because I know it was very important to my PIL and SIL. For similar reasons we got marrried at the little chapel they go to on Sunday’s

My MIL has always known that I don’t believe in god and my issue with religions. But this made them happy. I can’t say I feel tie up to do or behave in a certain way. Or that something bad is going to happen.
So why not?

thepeopleversuswork · 01/09/2020 21:57

I was going to say I think its OK if you don't go to church lots if you are people of faith but I see in your post you say you don't think you believe in God. In which case no don't. Christening is a commitment by the parents to bring the child up as a Christian and to welcome the child into the faith and I think if you are not committed to that goal its disingenuous/borderline dishonest. (I'm not a person of any faith if that's relevant).

As others have pointed out there are plenty of other significant ways to welcome the arrival and commit to parenthood without explicitly yoking it to a faith to which you are at best lukewarm. Family pressure/tradition is not a good enough reason just to go along with it.

QuestionMarkNow · 01/09/2020 21:58

We didn’t have party btw, or god parents etc...
Just the ceremony

MarSeeAh · 01/09/2020 21:58

I’m a Church of Scotland minister, and in a situation like yours I’d suggest a blessing rather than a baptism. It’s very similar to baptism, but doesn’t involve you taking any vows which you aren’t comfortable with/aren’t going to fulfill.

Personally, I don’t really see the point of naming ceremonies, which seem to be a way of finding a secular replacement for a religious service, but which are really devoid of any deeper meaning. And I say this as a former atheist who thought that as an atheist.

Redraptor · 01/09/2020 21:59

I've been christened but I'm not sure what I believe. Dh is not religious. Our vicar came to see me when I was deciding what to do and said he'd love to baptise dd. He said it wasnt so much about believing and attending church every week but more about bringing dd up to have strong, good morals and giving her the option of comfort from the church and believing. We do go to church at harvest and christmas. Dd1 is now 5 and does ask questions about god. She says she wants to believe (for now) which is fine with me

Glendaruel · 01/09/2020 21:59

Methodist church have a naming service that was used for my nephew. Our family had a day to officially welcome him to the family, the religious amongst us got to bless him, but his parents didn't have to make any promises they weren't going to keep.