Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by these comments about my 19 month old

88 replies

SadBrows · 01/09/2020 10:07

My 2 DC (5 and 19 months) go out with their gran once a week. Yesterday they went to an amusement park and when they were dropped home, their nan's boyfriend wouldn't stop going on about how much of a pain my 19 month old is. That he eats too much, won't stop running off in that wrong direction, is hard work and that when he picked him up he bit him so hard that he "drew blood and nearly dropped him". I feel like an absolutely crap mum now and like my son is just a nuisance. He is a very active little boy but pretty easy I would say. Nursery have never had any problems etc. He is biting at the moment, which they are aware of and I am trying my best to deal with. It's now been suggested that they want to only have DS 2 times a month so that my older child doesn't "miss out". No point to this post really, just feeling a bit down and like a crap mother. :(

OP posts:
Palavah · 01/09/2020 10:10

Does your nan's boyfriend have any experience of toddlers to know what's normal?

Complaining about a 19 month old eating too much is a bit bizarre

Original poster
SadBrows · 01/09/2020 10:11

@Palavah

Does your nan's boyfriend have any experience of toddlers to know what's normal?

Complaining about a 19 month old eating too much is a bit bizarre

Yes, he has an older teen himself
OP posts:
IceIceCoffee · 01/09/2020 10:11

I’d expect their nan to tell her boyfriend to stop moaning so much about normal toddler behaviour

Wheresthebiffer2 · 01/09/2020 10:12

The boyfriend hasn't had much experience of toddlers by the sounds of it. Biting, running off, being hard work, are all totally to be expected. Don't feel crap - it's the man's expectations that are off, not your parenting.

Dreamersandwishers · 01/09/2020 10:12

Sounds like gran needs a better boyfriend. It’s a stage that he will grow out of.personally, unless it helps you, I would say no to both kids going until Gran and her friend have grown up enough to cope with them both.

Original poster
SadBrows · 01/09/2020 10:12

Thank you. I was suprised by the comments about his eating too, he is of average height and weight. It's almost like he was trying to insinuate I don't feed him enough

OP posts:
Fortheloveofbob · 01/09/2020 10:15

A 5yr old and a toddler together could be pretty hard work if you're not used to it - maybe send them separately for a bit?

But regardless of that this guy sounds like a dick. I'd be telling him to keep his comments to himself, or asking your mum to keep him away from the kids.

FunorFitness · 01/09/2020 10:17

How on earth can a 19 month old eat too much?! What a bizarre comment.

SqidgeBum · 01/09/2020 10:23

How old is your Mum and her BF? I think we are so used to our toddler that we are used to keeping up with them, but grandparents really struggle. My MIL just doesnt take my DD out on her own at all, and my DD sits in a buggy and has only started to walk. My MIL says she is 'too hard work' whereas I find her pretty easy. But i have to remember, my MIL hasn't dealt with kids for 30 years. Also, kids play up with different people. My DD behaves well for me and my DM, but plays up with her Dad and my MIL. They are clever creatures these toddlers.

I say just in a way accept what your Mum and her BF are saying as a sort of "they cant manage him" and just leave it at that. Not all grandparents are up for it. Try not to take too much offense to it (although I know from experience that that is hard)

sonypony · 01/09/2020 10:23

It shouldn't make you feel like a crap mum it should make him feel like a crap adult. How embarrassing for him. All totally normal behaviour for that age, as you say nursery would have said something if they had trouble with his behaviour. Just because he has an older teen doesn't mean he ever bothered to look after them when they were smaller and more difficult. Maybe if he nearly dropped your child and speaks that way about him he shouldn't accompany them on these trips at all.

Kaktus · 01/09/2020 10:34

I have a 19 month old and he’s a pain in the arse Grin. Runs off in the wrong direction, is hard work and is also having a biting phase (my older 2 never bit so it’s a bit of a shock to the system!). That’s what they’re like!
Having said that there’s no way my parents/in laws would take him to an amusement park as they’d know they’d struggle to manage him along with looking after the older 2 (7 and 5).
Toddlers generally are hard work.

katy1213 · 01/09/2020 10:36

He just doesn't want to look after a child who's a handful. That doesn't make you a crap mum; it certainly doesn't make him a crap adult. Twice a month looking after grandchildren sounds generous! And if they can cope better with the older child on his own, why not?

Couchbettato · 01/09/2020 10:37

I think gran should leave the boyfriend at home so the kids don't miss out.

Billben · 01/09/2020 10:38

Yes, he has an older teen himself

That’s might be the case but how much time did he actually spend with his child when they were toddlers? In the majority of cases it’s usually the mother who is the primary carer. For him to say something as stupid as your child eats too much, he can’t be that experienced around kids.

Disfordarkchocolate · 01/09/2020 10:39

To me it sounds like very normal 19 month old behaviour.

I'd be worried that splitting them means the younger child is always labeled the 'naughty one' by them.

I'd suggest limiting the visits for both of them to once a fortnight with much better planning on their behalf needed.

rainylake · 01/09/2020 10:39

If he has an older teen he has probably forgotten what toddlers are like (if he even did much regular care for his own child).

Your toddler sounds totally normal. I bet the "he eats all the time" was because you need to take snacks and can't expect them to last ages between meals like an adult can. Toddlers run off in the wrong direction because they are exploring the world and think running off is hilarious, especially if it makes you run after them. Sometimes they bite, which is annoying but part of life. And yes they are hard work, so maybe he and your nan shouldn't be spending time with him if it is a chore for them rather than a pleasure.

I have children exactly the same age as yours, and having both of them at the same time is sometimes too much for my parents (my dad is unwell) so I get that the age gap can make days out challenging. I think it would be reasonable to suggest that they take them one at a time sometimes, which would also make it easier to do things like theme parks with the 5 year old. BUT personally I wouldn't be happy with the implication that one child is less favoured so I would be asking that if they want to take the older by himself, they should also be taking the younger by himself on other occasions so he gets the same quality bonding time with his gran. Or they would see both children less - up to them.

Gobbycop · 01/09/2020 10:41

He sounds like a fucking idiot.

The boyfriend of course.

netflixismysidehustle · 01/09/2020 10:43

What does your mum think about his behaviour? It might be time to stop these outings if they can't cope. Ds2 sounds very normal and I wouldn't allow them to separate the boys unless they alerted specifically doing something unsuitable for ds2 like going to the cinema. It must do damage to the sibling relationship and ds2 self esteem hearing this moaning (I bet they do this in front of the boys)

HandfulofDust · 01/09/2020 10:43

YANBU. He sounds like he has no idea what toddlers are like. All toddlers are hard work and some more than others. Sounds like your boy is energetic and curious and at an age when he doesn't have the impulse control to stop himself running away. All totally normal. Obviously the biting is a pain but not unusual at that age and you're dealing with it.

It sounds like they can't really be bothered with the work involved in caring for a young child so I wouldn't send either of them but invite their nan out on days with you so they can see her but without her having the full resonsibility for them.

Billben · 01/09/2020 10:44

I would have taken his comment of “he eats too much” that he is begrudging him food.
Whatever age your DC will be, he will just have different things to moan about.

Graciebobcat · 01/09/2020 10:46

How does your nan feel about it? Having them both plus boyfriend's comments?

He sounds like a normal 19 month old BTW.

Graciebobcat · 01/09/2020 10:46

Your mum, sorry. Their gran.

WhoAmIWhoAreYou · 01/09/2020 10:48

Your son sounds like a normal toddler to me. Of course toddlers are harder. They do like to run off, not listen etc he clearly has forgotten what it was like to have one!

buggeroffvirus · 01/09/2020 10:53

I agree with BillBen. I was just about to write that myself. My husband has two grown up children but he has no parenting whatsoever. And yet he also feels like he has a right to comment on such things.

ancientgran · 01/09/2020 11:02

I'm a GM nearly 70s and yes GC can be a handful when you are older. I think having them alternate weeks so both get equal time but it is 1 to 1 would be fair. Cutting the younger one out isn't.

I brought up 4, can assure you I was a hands on parent but after a weekend with 2 GC I don't know how I did. 1 to 1 is pleasure, dealing with children of different ages with different needs not to mention squabbles is much less fun for all concerned.

Swipe left for the next trending thread