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Original poster

To be upset by these comments about my 19 month old

88 replies

SadBrows · 01/09/2020 10:07

My 2 DC (5 and 19 months) go out with their gran once a week. Yesterday they went to an amusement park and when they were dropped home, their nan's boyfriend wouldn't stop going on about how much of a pain my 19 month old is. That he eats too much, won't stop running off in that wrong direction, is hard work and that when he picked him up he bit him so hard that he "drew blood and nearly dropped him". I feel like an absolutely crap mum now and like my son is just a nuisance. He is a very active little boy but pretty easy I would say. Nursery have never had any problems etc. He is biting at the moment, which they are aware of and I am trying my best to deal with. It's now been suggested that they want to only have DS 2 times a month so that my older child doesn't "miss out". No point to this post really, just feeling a bit down and like a crap mother. :(

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 01/09/2020 11:02

There isnt a 19 month old in the world that isnt hard work or doesn't run off in the wrong direction! And eats too much for what? Yes biting is tricky but its normal to go through phases at this age and then grow out of it when their understanding and communication gets better. It would be weird if you had a 19 month old that listened to instructions, walked nicely with everyone and didn't eat!
5 year olds are much less work and I can understand them wanting some alone time with them but if they do this a lot but not with the little one then their bond will be much better. I'd say yes to alone time with the older child if they have the younger one alone sometimes as well

Boatonthehorizon · 01/09/2020 11:02

They have your kids every weekend??
That's a massive commitment and enormous favour they're doing you.
My parents or in laws barely looked after my kids once or twice a year.

Do you just lord it up on your own every weekend?

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2020 11:04

Take what ever they offer and enjoy some one to one with each of your children.
Toddlers are hard work, they are so interested in everything, your eats, do you know how many parents crave that.
Your not a bad mum, you have the makings of an engineer or scientist, pity the BF can't adult

user1493413286 · 01/09/2020 11:05

Your toddler sounds pretty normal; in all honesty they are a pain and I say that as a mum of a toddler but that’s just how toddlers are and I’m not really sure what he expected. I guess he’s forgotten what toddlers are actually like and was rude and unreasonable to complain to you about your DS being a normal toddler

Fortheloveofbob · 01/09/2020 11:19

@Boatonthehorizon

They have your kids every weekend?? That's a massive commitment and enormous favour they're doing you. My parents or in laws barely looked after my kids once or twice a year.

Do you just lord it up on your own every weekend?

Where did you get that from!? OP said they have the kids once a week, and then she said they had them yesterday, IE monday. It's quite standard for grandparents to look after their GC on a regular basis, IMO, especially on a week day when parents are presumably working. It certainly happens in most families i know.
Original poster
SadBrows · 01/09/2020 11:20

@Boatonthehorizon

They have your kids every weekend?? That's a massive commitment and enormous favour they're doing you. My parents or in laws barely looked after my kids once or twice a year.

Do you just lord it up on your own every weekend?

Christ, are you always this rude? Their nan has them for 4 hours every Monday afternoon (at her request). So no, I'm not "lording it up every weekend".
OP posts:
Jux · 01/09/2020 11:23

Next time you see him, you can say, jocularly, "you're not really used to toddlers are you? We did have a laugh over the "eats too much" comment!".

No, not really. Don't do that. But it's nice to dream.

Fruitsaladjelly · 01/09/2020 11:27

Op every thread needs at least one complete twat. Yet another person who seems to lack basic reading comprehension and just makes stuff up.

LonginesPrime · 01/09/2020 11:27

I feel like an absolutely crap mum now and like my son is just a nuisance

Why are you internalising this man's comments, OP?

Just because he says your DS is a pain, it doesn't make it so. Yes, it sounds like the boyfriend did find it hard looking after a toddler and obviously has his own issues if he thinks that's the toddler's fault.

But his silly complaint just shows what one person thinks - it's not an objective view, and is likely coloured by the fact he'd hoped to impress your nan with how good he is with kids or was looking forward to a day at a theme park with kids who can enjoy it like he can (clue: not toddlers!).

So don't take what he says as the gospel truth - it says far more about him and his naivety abut toddlers than it does about your parenting!

Allyo19 · 01/09/2020 11:28

You're not a crap mum. Toddlers are bloody hard work (I have 2) and my mum will only have the older one for a few hours.

Even if he was an active parent to his own, I think you forget once you are out of the toddler phase. He probably worded it inconsiderately but I wouldn't be too hard on them.

GabsAlot · 01/09/2020 11:29

no dont split them up you'll give them the impressin you agree hes too much and naughty and he'll notice eventually

Proudboomer · 01/09/2020 11:30

If your toddler keeps running off then you need a set of reigns and should only be off them when in an enclosed space.
This is not just to help your nana boyfriend but for your own child’s safety.
What happens if your child runs off in the wrong direction and who ever is caring for him can’t reach him before he reaches the road? Especially if they have the care of more than one child.

Kaktus · 01/09/2020 11:31

@Boatonthehorizon

They have your kids every weekend?? That's a massive commitment and enormous favour they're doing you. My parents or in laws barely looked after my kids once or twice a year.

Do you just lord it up on your own every weekend?

My mum has my older 2 every Saturday for the day. Before the baby came along that meant DH had every Saturday to ourselves. Yes we did ‘lord it up’... we went out for lunch, I went to the spa, DH went to the gym, we saw friends. It was great, and my mum adores having her grandchildren for the day. Why, are you jealous?
SqidgeBum · 01/09/2020 11:35

@Kaktus I know I am 🤣🤣 my inlaws have taken DD a grand total of 4 times for a few hours. She is nearly 2. You are one lucky woman.

WorraLiberty · 01/09/2020 11:36

Meh! The next time your toddler bites this man...

"Oh thanks for telling me, I must get DS a tetanus shot" Grin

Kaktus · 01/09/2020 11:37

[quote SqidgeBum]@Kaktus I know I am 🤣🤣 my inlaws have taken DD a grand total of 4 times for a few hours. She is nearly 2. You are one lucky woman.[/quote]
Grin I have a 19 month old now and she doesn’t have him (he’s hard work!) so we haven’t done it for a while sadly.
Just don’t get why people are so bitter... my mum has them because she wants them. They have a great day doing all the crafts together that I don’t have the time to do as we’re too busy dealing with homework/reading/spellings etc. And she likes giving us a break too.

TulipsAndLilacs · 01/09/2020 11:42

Do you mean a theme park? It was probably a bit ambitious for their age if they wanted the kids to be easy to manage. No 19 month olds are easy to manage. Maybe a park or national trust place would have been easier for them.

Aweebawbee · 01/09/2020 11:50

Some people just don't like children, and if they haven't been around them much, they don't know what 'normal' looks like.

I had the same problem with my DM. She was an ex-teacher, loved my DCs and they loved her. Her husband, however, had never had children and resented the attention that she gave to them. A real man-child who would think nothing of taking a packet of sweets out of their hand and finishing them so that he could 'teach them to share'. Supervised contact only, but sad for DM.

oakleaffy · 01/09/2020 11:51

Biting is so strange- I remember my DS as a toddler clinging to DH's leg, and then DS nipped DH's calf like a Terrier.
Of course we told him off for it , ''No biting!'' and it stopped.

Biting hard enough to ''Draw blood'' is a pretty hard bite though- is this really true?
Human bites often get infected if the skin is broken. Sounds like the boyfriend was exaggerating.

Toddlers are hard work..
'Reins' on a chest harness can be a good idea- if a toddler is prone to dashing off.

I'd be very wary of letting them take toddler out if they can't cope..It only takes a second for a toddler to dart away if the 'carers' aren't in the ball.

LyingDogsLie1 · 01/09/2020 11:52

Sounds like your DC is more grown up than him Hmm

Hayyancairo2 · 01/09/2020 11:54

You are not a crap mum at all. ALL toddlers go through this faze some more than others. I wouldn't allow anyone who takes my children out to dictate to me that they will take one out every week but the other one every other week. I would tell whoever, that my kids come together as a family. If it means they only take the pair every other week, so be it.

Sailingblue · 01/09/2020 12:00

Will it not be easier once the 5yo is in school if the Monday is a regular thing? I’ve got similar ages and the younger one is hard work and it is much easier doing 1:1. Could you arrange it so they see them separately?

GilbertMarkham · 01/09/2020 12:02

Toddlers run off.
I'd be delighted if my toddler are well.
I've been bitten a couple of times by mine.
They are generally v hard work and you don't get a seconds rest.
All very normal.

Your nan's bf sounds like a total twat.
Can she not see them without him around?
He obviously shit with kids.

GilbertMarkham · 01/09/2020 12:02

*ate well

eurochick · 01/09/2020 12:03

Toddlers are mostly little shits with zero sense of self-preservation that leave their parents frazzled after days out. He has just forgotten.